Page 2 of Going Down Smooth: Part One

I love him, I love them, I always have, and I always will. I immediately grit my teeth, glancing away from them, pissed at my body’s response. Stupid, stupid heart.You love them and you’re hurting them, Mercy. What do you expect?

“Mercy. Please look at me.” Trey’s sincerity breaks my heart as he bends down before me. He should be like the others, angry with me, but he gazes at me as if the world begins and ends in my presence.

“Please. Look at me, at us.” Trey’s voice is thick with emotion, making my eyes burn and my throat feels tight. I can’t cry. I can’t. There is a reason why I am here. Why I ran, and as I stare at the four of them, I steel my resolve. This is for me. I have to save me. Trey holds out his hand to me, but I refuse it. If I touch him, I may crumble, so I push myself to my knees, shifting my dress in my arms so I don’t trip as I make it to my feet. Trey straightens and steps back, finalizing the line of Alphas, all with various states of emotion on their faces. Lox sneers at me in actual disgust, Knight in anger, Nate with sadness, and Trey smiles softly with understanding. Always so perceptive. I am sure he knows exactly why I am doing this. I only hope in time he can convince the others that the action I am taking is best for all of us.

I wrap my arms over my chest, trying to hold myself together even though I feel exposed and vulnerable under their powerful gazes. My exhausted body trembles from the cold and exertion of running across town in the rain. It has taken its toll on me but I roll my shoulders back and look them all in the eye. We stare at each other for what feels like forever, the rain almost forgotten until finally Knight curses under his breath and wipes the rain from his face, taking a step towards me.

“Why did you run, Mercy? Why would you run from us?” Knight asks in disbelief, gesturing towards the others who now gaze at me as if I can summon the holy grail.

“The fact that I have to answer that question is proof enough for me,” I reply, squeezing myself tighter against the growing chill in my bones.

“Proof of what?” Lox asks, his disdain apparent as he crosses his arms over his broad chest. His dark-brown eyes almost black as he hits me with a glare so intense, I stumble back to avoid casting my eyes away. I will not be cowed, not by him, not by anyone.

I tilt my head to the side, my own anger matching his as I glare right back. Lifting my chin, I look down my nose at all four of them with disappointment. I shift my eyes from Alpha to Alpha. “The moment I presented as an Omega, things changed, all of you changed.” I point at them with so much accusation my body tips forward. “I wasn’t just Mercy anymore. No, suddenly I can’t make decisions for myself. Now, I am treated like this fragile thing who needs to be shielded from the world because of my nature. My fathers didn’t even ask me what I wanted! They took away my freedom of choice and practically threw me at your feet. Like nothing we had planned mattered. Like I. . .like I wasn’t already part of our pack. I brought us together. This was my pack! Remember me? I was one of you until a few days ago.”

I am practically vibrating. I am so angry at the situation we find ourselves in. I am hurt, broken, and I know if I stay, these emotions will never fade. So, with all the courage I can muster, I find the strength for my next words. “I have never been docile. I am not quiet. I am not a hole to be fucked and knotted for your pleasure. I am not a baby machine. I am not, without a shadow of a doubt, someone’s possession. I don’t seek or desire to be. Not yours. Not anyone’s!”

My words hit them like a sledgehammer to the gut. All of them look at me in dismay. They know what I am saying is true, my reasons are justified. Trey turns his back briefly to us to wipe his eyes. Nate sucks in sharp breathes as he paces back and forth in irritation. Lox cracks his neck, clearly uncomfortable after giving me the cold shoulder moments ago. Knight keeps his eyes locked on me, not giving anything away. I watch them all process what I’ve said, and I want to reach out and comfort them, tell them it will be OK, but I won’t. I can’t. My words are final.

“Mercy,” Nate says my name with a plea, but I don’t acknowledge him. I look at Knight, he’s the lead Alpha here, he always has been, and as I gaze at him now, it’s in hope that he will do the right thing.

“Don’t look at me like that, Mercy. Don’t ask me to let you go,” Knight says, his voice gruff.

He hangs his head. The others watch him make the decision that will change all our lives. I know if he pushed, if he commanded me to stay, I admit, it’d be hard to resist his bark. Besides, where would that leave us? Exactly where we were the moment we stood in front of the altar not so long ago. It would have all been a lie. I will fight and resent them all. I don’t want that. I never wanted any of this.

Knight sighs, but he doesn’t look at me as he continues. “You know that this is a rejection and what that will mean for my pack, right?” he asks through gritted teeth. It feels like slap in the face when he says “my” pack.

“Your rejection will leave a wound that will never heal, Mercy. Never.” I can feel the weight of their eyes on me, but they will find someone worthy of them. A willing Omega, just like we planned. A true mate. I’m not her.

“Everyone will know it was me, not—”

“Don’t, Mercy.” Trey runs his hands down his face, the smile he wore moments ago gone. “I understand, I do. But you didn’t give us—”

“You know what? Go. We won’t stop you. Run. We won’t follow,” Nate whispers before he steps out of the line they’d formed in front of me and leaves.

My eyes burn with unshed tears. This is why I didn’t want them to stop me. I would rather they hated me for not explaining myself. I wish I hadn’t had to say the things I said. I feel like I’m betraying them, but I’m deciding for me and it hurts me just as much.

I watch them go. There is nothing more to say. Trey follows Nate, then Lox goes to leave then stops, his body so close, despite the freezing rain I can feel the warmth of his body.

“Just like that, Mouse,” he leans in and whispers in my ear, making me shiver at his use of the name he gave me so many years ago. My heart is breaking, shredding into pieces that I don’t think I will be able to put back together. I keep my gaze steady, holding myself tighter, biting the inside of my cheek and meet his eyes with determination.

“Just like that,” I reply. Without another word, he pulls away, leaving me bereft of his warmth.

“Mercy,” Knight calls my name, probably for the very last time. I bring my eyes to his and the hurt I find there leaves me breathless. “Go, before your fathers come searching. Make sure you get as far away as you can,” he warns. I know that travelling as an unmated Omega is dangerous, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’m not without resources, but if the wrong people get their hands on me, my current situation would be a cake walk in comparison.

I watch him walk away, my heart heavy, my soul shattered but my future secure.

“Mercy,” Knight calls my name again to my surprise, but I don’t turn to acknowledge him. I keep my eyes trained on my house in the distance. I need to go, and I need to go now.

“Go,” he barks, making me startle in disbelief. The force and power in his voice makes me lurch forward to instantly obey. My heart breaks in two then. The chasm opens wide. I was already leaving, but to command me, to force me, his voice cold and laced with lethal venom, it is the final death blow. “And don’t come back,” he says finally.

I am moving automatically against my will, and the tears begin to fall fast and hard as I do what he commands. I run until I reach the door of my family home, stopping only once to look back over my shoulder. The clearing through the trees where we were is now empty. I turn my head to the sky and let the tears continue to fall, grieving for the life I lost, the hearts I’ve broken, and the men who were my best friends. Squaring my shoulders, I take a long cleansing breath, and run inside. I have no intention of ever coming back.

ONE

KNIGHT

PRESENT

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