Page 27 of Paladin's Hell

Chapter 10

Moira

Two days earlier

I’m failing miserably in my first lady’s duties. We’ve got the kids arriving from Tucson in a couple of days, yet I can hardly stir myself to do anything. Hellfire’s got the prospects sorting out a room for the new brother in the clubhouse, but young Jayden’s going to be staying here, and the house is a complete mess.

I hadn’t realised how much I’d let it, as well as myself, go until Hellfire walked in, and looked around him, his lips pressing together. “I’ll get a couple of the club girls to come and give you a hand straightening this place up.”

My eyes shoot to his, then I turn around, seeing what he’s seeing. Dust is everywhere, mess in every direction. “There’s no need, I’ve got it handled,” I lie.

“Nah, this place is too big for you to do by yourself,” his eyes soften as he contradicts me. “‘Bout time they did more than work on their backs.”

Why argue? I could do with the help. Hard to get myself into gear nowadays. Is that another reason he’s gone off me? “As long as it’s not Bella,” I relent. “I can’t stand her.” I’ve always had a feeling she’s after my man. Even in my presence she’s been all over him.

“Nah, not her,” he agrees quickly. Too quickly? “I’ll send Titsy and Sheila. They can help get the spare room cleared for the girl. Jeannie would jump at the chance to come over and supervise.”

“Not Jeannie,” I say fast. My memories lately have dragged up everything I wish could stay forgotten. Over the years, I’d managed to put to the back of my mind the part she’d played, but now, unfairly, the blame I attach to her has come back. That she counterbalanced her role in my downfall by getting Hell and I together, sometimes isn’t enough to stop me remembering it was her fault I’d been there in that clubhouse. I don’t want to see her. It will just bring everything back. Her concern seeing me like this will only remind me of her sympathy the morning after. No, now’s not a good time for her to be here.

I change the subject, before he can ask why I’ve so quickly dismissed my friend, by asking, “You sticking around?” It’s unusual for him to be here during the day.

“Nah, just stopped in as I was passing. I’ve got to go to Tits Up, wondered if you’d like to come for a ride? It’s a lovely spring day out there.”

“I’m alright,” I reply. You don’t want my fat ass unbalancing your bike.

Various expressions cross his face, I try to read them, uncertain whether it’s disappointment or relief I’m seeing. Giving myself a mental shrug, I try to pull myself together. “You got problems there?”

A quick shake of his head. “Nah. Taser’s got some ideas for redecorating. Just going to see what he’s suggesting. You used to like having input into shit like that.”

I did. Now I can’t be bothered. Why get involved in something I might not be here to see through? The time is fast approaching when I’ll have to confront him, have to find out the truth, whether the suspicions I have are right. One thing I’ve always known, Hellfire doesn’t lie to me. If I ask the question, he’ll respond. Trouble is, I can’t bring myself to hear the answer. I’m trying to find my backbone first. In the meantime, he’s spending more and more nights at the clubhouse, leaving me here alone to brood.

Too much time to think.Perhaps he’s doing it on purpose.

I leave the room, ostensibly going to check I’ve got clean bedding for the spare room once it’s cleared, but really escaping before the questions come out of my mouth, questions I’m not brave enough to have answered. It’s not long before I hear the sound of his bike fading into the distance.

Damn it. I tear my sweater off over my head. I’m hot and sweating all over again. Of course Hell doesn’t want to be around me. I’m a fucking mess. My moods are all over the place, I’ve no energy or desire to do the slightest things.

It’s probably lucky he doesn’t want to see me naked anymore. Apart from my sagging breasts, though initially I tried to convince myself it was my imagination, there’s been other symptoms of menopause I hadn’t expected. I was shocked when I first noticed my pubic hair had started disappearing, convincing myself for a time I was mistaken, until one day I had to admit it. What used to be bush is now bare. Hell’s always been a man who doesn’t like me to shave, now it looks like I have, with the benefit of no stubble, of course. I’ll be embarrassed if he ever sees me again.

He’s unlikely to. Why would he want me? Not when he’s got a perfect and far younger Bella to entertain him.

The sound of a Harley’s roar getting louder, then stopping makes me wonder if Hell’s returned. Analysing the sound I realise it’s not his bike, it’s our son’s. Demon.

I shake myself, paste on a smile, and go to see what my eldest wants. It’s unusual for him to visit this time of day.

“Demon.” I enter the kitchen where he’s helping himself to milk from the fridge, drinking straight from the carton. I bite back the admonishment. You can’t tell a thirty-five-year-old off in quite the same way as I’d have done twenty years ago.

“Mom.” He wipes his mouth on his sleeve, comes over and hugs me, placing a kiss to my forehead.

“What are you doing here? You want something to eat?”

“Nah. Just needed to check something. Hell keeps the old record books here, doesn’t he?”

I nod. “In his safe. You know the code?”

He rolls his eyes. Of course he does.

“I won’t be long.”

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