Page 32 of Paladin's Hell

His mouth twists. “Got a lot to talk about. Got a lot to work through in my head. One thing I want to get out into the open is, Hellfire, you’re the best fuckin’ brother a man could ever have.”

ThatI didn’t expect. “Demon…” I start.

“Nah, let me finish.” He lets me go, and now walks back to the front of the desk where he pulls up a chair and sits. He waits until I retake my own seat. “You couldn’t tell me. How could a kid cope with knowing what his sperm donor had done? You gave me a home, and shelter, when you could have hated me.”

I stay silent, there’s nothing more to say.

“Have I got this right? Maybe need you to fill in the gaps.” I nod, indicating I’ll be happy to. “So, you and Mom? You were already an item?”

“Yeah.” I sit forward, placing my elbows on the desk. “Before, well, before, I knew she was the one for me. But I was a prospect. Blackie had strict rules, prospects, especially me, were treated like scum.”

“That’s why you’re easier on them? Wills has got a woman…”

“And I respect that. If that had been the way then, what happened never would have come to pass.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “He was my, our, father, but Blackie wasn’t a good man. Though clever in many ways. After the steel mill closed, instead of moaning about it, he started the club. Yeah, the money came easily with the shit we were into back in those days, but he still worked hard. What really attracted him though, was the power that came with being sat at the head of the table. Thought he was the fucking king of the club. Thought he owned everyone in it, especially the prospects. He didn’t make my life easy because I was his son.” I huff a laugh. “That’s a fuckin’ understatement. He was downright nasty.”

“The brothers went along with it?”

“Most were just content having someone to lead them, make decisions on their behalf. Give them something to live for. If the club hadn’t been so young, maybe some of them would have stood up to him earlier. Furnace, I think, was becoming uneasy, but I wasn’t sure he had the backing of the rest.”

“They backed you, that night, though.”

“Jeannie had been itchin’ to meet a biker. Saw her friend, your mom, as her way in. I’d been dating Moira in secret for a while, already knew I was serious about her. Was going to officially claim her once I’d got patched in.” I shake my head. “If I’d dreamed for one moment she’d planned to come to the club that night, I would have made my warnin’ to stay away clearer. I’d told her it wasn’t the place for her, but not spelled out the reasons why. I was so close to getting my patch, it didn’t seem necessary. I had no idea she’d just turn up. She’d always seemed wary of bikers, and until I could give her the protection of being a member’s old lady, I didn’t want her anywhere near.”

“So why did she come?”

“Jeannie persuaded her. Told her it would be fun. Convinced her I’d be thrilled to see her embrace that part of my life.”

Demon nods, but his mouth twists. “Sounds just like something fuckin’ Jeannie would do.” He’s grown up with her always being around the club. He knows her as well as anyone. Once again, he meets my eyes, swallowing hard before asking, “So, how did it go down?”

“When Blackie saw her, he read how much I cared for her.” I pause, gathering my strength to carry on, needing to make clear how powerless I’d been. The memories so fucking painful, to this day, it’s hard to speak about it. Especially to Demon. But he’s asked to know what happened, and he’s got a right to know. Too many lies between us, I’m not going to fabricate more. “I was on bar duty, Blackie ordered me to stay put as he decided to pull rank. Conned her he wanted to get to know her because of her interest in his son. Told her he was the prez, and that he’d show her the club. He did, but his tour was limited to his bedroom.”

Demon puts his head into his hands, I don’t bother to spell it out.

“He wasn’t discreet. It was clear what he had done. Moira ran off, she didn’t want anything to do with me. I wanted to go after her, but instead, Furnace called church, and, well, you’ve read the notes. It was the turning point for the club. I was patched in; he was voted out.” I pause, then scoff, “Seems everyone had become wary of him. No one stood up for him, or what he had done.”

He nods slowly, then barks a harsh laugh. “Been thinkin’ a lot, Hellfire. Think we’re alike, father and son or brother and brother. You did nothing more than I would have done.”

A weight lifts off my shoulders as I tell him the rest. I want nothing else hidden between us. “Mo refused to see me afterwards, she was too upset. I tried, but in her mind she connected me to my father, the man who had raped her. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her at all.” I’ve decided to tell him everything. “Until it became clear there were lasting implications. She was seventeen, Demon. If her parents knew she was pregnant, they’d have thrown her out. She had no support, no money to her name. When she needed funds for an abortion, she had nowhere else to turn.”

His eyes meet mine as the implications hit. If Mo had got her way, he wouldn’t be here sitting opposite me. “What happened to change her mind?” he asks through gritted teeth.

“Jeannie got in touch with me. She was after the money. Thought the club owed Mo, that it was responsible for the mess Mo was in. She was right. At last I was able to see her. I knew immediately my feelings for her hadn’t changed. Of course, I had to work hard. At first she put my renewed attentions down to guilt.”

“You persuaded her to keep me?”

I shake my head. “I let her see she had options. But we had to move fast. I got what I wanted, the girl I’d fallen for. Was able to claim her and walk her up the aisle within a few days.”

“How, how could you do that, Hell? Want the baby that rapist had put inside her? That’s what I can’t get my head around.”

“Mo didn’t want an abortion, not really, just couldn’t see she had any other way out. I was going to have that girl any way I could. It wasn’t her fault she was pregnant, or yours. I made the decision you were going to be my son, or daughter if that’s how it had turned out. Once I’d determined that, everything else fell into place.”

“You’ve treated me like your son for thirty-five years. You’ve never done anything to suggest I was anything else.” Demon’s eyes crease. “I’ve been racking my brains to find some way you’ve treated me different to Samuel or Kennedy, and I haven’t been able to come up with one fuckin’ thing.”

I shrug. “You’re my son. You always have been. Even before you were born.”

He draws his hands down his face. “I’ve always looked up to you, Hell, as a father, as my president. Now, fuck, I have no words. Not sure I could have manned up in the way that you did.”

“You would,” I reassure him quickly. “You’ve just never loved a woman enough.”

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