Page 42 of Paladin's Hell

Chapter 15

Moira

“Well, that seemed to go alright.”

I watch Hellfire sliding out of his cut, placing it carefully on a chair, and then his hands going to the back of his neck and begin to rip his tee over his head. “You think?” I snarl. “And just what do you think you’re fucking doing?”

He pauses, mid-action, his hand comically frozen halfway over his head with a handful of material bunched in it. “I’m coming to bed.”

“You sleep at the club.”

He releases his hold on the shirt, and comes over to where I’m already snuggled under the sheets. “I do sleep at the club. When it’s more convenient. But this is my home, and my place is here with you.” He stares at me, I stare back. Until I can no longer meet those intense eyes. The ones that used to watch me with such longing, with such hunger. “You’re saying I’m not welcome in my own bed? What the fuck, Mo?”

I don’t want him here if my suspicions are right, and he’s normally warming someone else’s sheets instead. But I also don’t have the nerve to come out and ask him. My suspicions are bad enough. Having them confirmed, I’d have no choice but to leave him. Whatever his faults, he’s still the one that makes my heart beat fast, I still love him. Whether I could turn that emotion off if I knew for sure he was unfaithful, I’ve no idea. I just wouldn’t be able to be anywhere near him.

Instead of answering, I turn over, keeping well to my side. From the sounds, I know he’s removing the rest of his clothes.

When he talks next, he returns to the first topic. “Jayden seems a sweet girl. Polite. Mature for her age.”

“Given her background that’s hardly surprising.” I’m sniping at him, but I can’t stop myself.

A pause before he replies, “No, I suppose not.”

I feel the bed dipping. A familiar sensation that makes me realise how much I missed it. “Tried to make her, and her family feel welcome.”

“You don’t think we did that?” His voice sounds confused.

“Hell, you could cut the atmosphere with a knife around that table. You’d have to be blind and deaf not to see there was something wrong.”

“Not sure I understand what you’re getting at Mo…”

I sit up fast, pulling the sheet around me. Wishing I’d put on a nightie, but I’d reckoned on sleeping alone. “So, our son has just found out you’re actually his brother and not the father he always believed you to be. He’s having difficulty coming to terms with that for some unknown reason,” I scoff. Then huff, “And as for you and I…”

His hand snakes out, grabbing onto my arm. “You and I… what, Mo?”

Reaching for my discarded robe, I pull it around me. When I’m decent, I stand, and turn, my eyes blazing. “You’re gone more than you’re here, Hell. And when you are here, you want nothing to do with me.” Tears prick at my eyes. The confrontation I wanted to avoid is steaming down on me like a freight train. It’s all my fault, I should have kept my mouth shut. Now I’ve got to face it head-on.

His head has rolled back onto the pillow. His eyes seem focused on a spot above my head. Taking in a deep breath, he sighs deeply. “It’s not what you think, Mo.”

“And what do I think, Hell?” I throw back at him. “I’ll tell you what I think. What I know. You don’t want me. You. The man with the huge sexual appetite. You haven’t wanted me for months. If you’re not getting it from me, you’re getting it somewhere else.” I reach into my pocket and pull out a tissue, blowing my nose and dabbing at my eyes.

Hell sits up fast. His naked chest taunting me. He might have aged, but I still find him as attractive as the day I married him. “I’ve not been cheating on you, Mo. I wouldn’t, couldn’t…”

I don’t believe him. “I can’t even blame you. I’ve lost any attractiveness I ever had. You married a fit young girl, you’ve ended up with an old woman. You just don’t desire me anymore.” It’s only when he shushes me, I realise how loud my voice has become. Although our visitors are down the hallway, I wouldn’t want them to hear this particular discussion. Not when it’s leading to the end of everything I ever wanted. A good marriage with my man.

“Mo, come here.” He holds out his arms. I want nothing more than to be enfolded within them. To seek the security and reassurance I need.

But I have to be strong. Now we’ve started, we’ve got to let this conversation reach its conclusion. I’ve been walking a tightrope for far too long, desperately trying to keep my balance to stop me from falling.

Seeing I’m not making a move toward him, he breathes out deeply, then says in his low, gravelly voice, “Mo. I’ve not been cheating on you. And I still find you attractive. Fuck woman, never in all the years of our marriage have I looked at anyone else.”

The one thing Hell’s always been is honest. Even when he’s telling me something he knows I won’t like. But there’s part of me, a big part, that for the first time since the day we said our wedding vows, can’t credit him with telling the truth.

He shakes his head and gives a pointed look toward the hallway. “At least come closer. I don’t want to have to shout for this conversation.”

I’m torn between leaving the bedroom and going to sleep on the sofa, or staying to listen to what I don’t want to hear. Sleep? Who am I kidding? Wherever I am, I won’t sleep a wink after this. Straightening my back a little, wondering what I can do to prepare myself to hear the words, I’m leaving you, realising fast, there’s nothing I can do to be ready for that. But I do agree. What we need to discuss isn’t for visitors’ ears.

I return to the bed, perching on my side, my back turned toward him so he won’t see the tears in my eyes.

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