Page 94 of Paladin's Hell

“I don’t want anyone else,” she says softly.

The words I want to hear. But I can’t forget what happened downstairs, nor how Moira had me sent to the strip club last night. Something’s happening that I don’t know about. “What’s Moira got to do with this, Jay? What’s she been saying to you?”

It’s her who takes the lead. Holding my hand, she leads me to the bed and sits, When I lower myself down beside her, she draws one leg up under her, sitting sideways to face me. My hand still in hers, she looks down at it, entwining her fingers with mine.

“I don’t know what’s got into Moira. Ever since I’ve been here she’s been making me question what I feel for you.”

I can’t suppress my snarl. “What the fuck has it got to do with her?”

“She seems to have it in her head that you’re going to force me…”

“She thinks I’m going to rape you? For fuck’s safe.”

“No,” she says quickly. “She just thinks you’ll pressure me. That I’m too young to know my mind, that I should explore my options…”

“Explore your fuckin’ options? Is that what you were doing with Runt? You got the hots for him, Jay?”

“You asked, Pal. Now you’re not letting me explain.” Her calm words, in response to my burst of anger, make me take a deep breath. “We’ve known each other for ages, have never been allowed to be more than friends. We, everyone, expects us to take the next step, eventually. I don’t know how to go from being what we are, to getting physical. Moira’s said you probably haven’t waited for me. That you’re a man, with needs. I need to know if that’s true. I need to trust you. Since I met you, since you promised me, Pal,” her voice grows shaky as though afraid of the answer, “have you ever been with anybody else?”

I close my eyes. If I move too fast, I might scare her. Move too slow, she might not think I care and I’ll lose her. Tell her the truth, she might run a mile. I realise I’ve got no option. I turn her hand over and hold it tight. “Jay, I haven’t been with club whores or anyone.”

Her lips press together, her eyes find mine and hold them. “Since when, Pal? Since we met? Since you said you’d wait? Or since we’ve been here?”

“Since ever,” I admit in a low voice. “I’ve never had sex.”

She looks at me sharply. “What?” Her tone is disbelieving.

“I’ve got no experience, Doll.” A few ideas. I might not have done it myself, but I’ve certainly been exposed and I’m not ignorant.

“You’re a virgin?” She sounds incredulous.

“Yeah.” I can’t read if that’s a good or bad thing.

Her eyes grow big. As a tear slides from one, I can’t help myself, gently touching my forefinger to her cheek, I wipe it away.

“I’m not,” she admits.

I move fast. My hands holding her arms, I stare at her until she looks at me. “What did I tell you, Jay? That you might have had sex, but you’ve never been made love to. In all the important ways, you’ve never had a first time.”

“Neither have you?” she questions again.

“Neither have I.” I confirm.

When I thought about us taking the next step, when I’d allowed myself to imagine it, it had been me taking things slow, moving things on gently. Taking my time so as not to scare her. Waiting, I don’t know, until at least her seventeenth birthday, treating her like a queen, making her see how special she is to me.

What I never expected was for her to stand up, take a deep breath, then rip off her tee, and stand in front of me in her plain white bra. I’d seen her around the pool in a more revealing bikini, but something about the innocence of the garment she’s wearing goes straight to my fucking cock which swells almost unbearably, as I feast my eyes.

“Jay.” I can only say her name, completely lost for words. It’s an invitation, pure and simple. My head shakes side to side, my whole body’s trembling in anticipation.

Moving fast, as though wanting to complete the action before she can regret it, she takes off her jeans.

“Jay, for fuck’s sake.” My heart’s pounding. I can’t take breath into my lungs.

Seeing my chest heaving, she misinterprets my non-verbal communication. “You don’t want me?”

I stand, our bodies inches apart. “Fuck, Doll. I want you more than I want my next fuckin’ breath.” My hands itch to reach out and take her. My brain says it’s too soon. Too fast. My own fear of doing the wrong thing coming between us. “Doll, why did you get undressed?”

“To force a reaction from you, Pal. You’re always the gentleman. Never touching, never taking advantage. Never giving me an indication that it’s me you really want. I wanted to see what you’d do.”

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