Page 9 of Devil's Due

“Let’s see how things go, shall we?” I give a half smile. “You might not miss me at all.” When her mouth drops open, I step closer, gentling my voice. “Sal, I don’t want to lead you on, but it’s not working out how I thought. Maybe I’m not old man material.”

But when she scoffs and says, “The old ‘it’s not you it’s me’ talk.” I realise I have to give her some of the truth.

“It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s us, Sal. I know you think it’s working out, but it isn’t. The man I am around you, isn’t the man I want to be.”

“Look, my last marriage wasn’t perfect. Maybe I’m trying too hard to be the good wife I thought you’d want. I can change Beef. Give me a chance.”

But she couldn’t change into the woman I need her to be. Someone more adventurous, someone who wants to be part of my life rather than just fitting me in as part of hers. “If nothing else, Sal, this time apart will give us a chance to examine our feelings for each other.”

“I know mine. I love you.”

But she doesn’t, not really. She loves the idea of a man who comes home to her each night. And the most I’ve got going for me is that I don’t use my fists on her. Not the ideal for a perfect relationship. I don’t reply. I can’t say I love her back. I never have, and while I tried hard, now I know, I never will.

Had I led her on? Maybe. But as Drummer said, she was the one chasing me. I’d agreed to move in until she settled and got comfortable, not realising that time would never come. I’ve got my escape route now. I’m going to use it.

“Let’s sleep on it. Things will look different in the morning. I’m going to bed. You coming with me?”

She doesn’t get it or won’t accept it. A few hours aren’t going to change my mind. I don’t reply as she walks down the hall leaving me feeling like the biggest heel in the world. My brothers had made relationships look easy, but this experiment proves they’re not, at least for me. I’m taking this experience as a serious warning not to let another woman get close. I’ll do okay on my own. I’m off to a clubhouse of mainly single men. Sweet butts on tap. That will do for me. I never want to be in this position again. Nah. I gave a relationship a chance once, and it’s shown it isn’t for me. I wonder how my brothers do it, being at their old lady’s beck and call? Nope. Definitely not for me.

The sounds of her using the bathroom fade, water running into the sink, a flush, then the bedroom door opens and shuts. I start walking around, looking at the shit of mine I moved in. A few Harley magazines, they go in the trash. A parts manual, that I’ll take. I open drawers and cabinets slowly realising how little of me is here. The remainder of my clothes I hadn’t already taken to the clubhouse, I’ll pack in the morning. Shooter volunteered to bring the truck to take what I can’t fit in my saddle bags and put it into storage at the club, but to be honest, there won’t be much.

After puttering around for a while, I sit down on the couch, lean back my head and try to sleep.

“You didn’t come to bed,” her accusing voice wakes me the next morning.

“I thought you’d prefer to be on your own,” I lie. Then stand and stretch. “Shooter will be here soon, I’ll go grab my shit.” I don’t want to rehash last night’s conversation. I want to get out of here as fast as I can. It doesn’t take me long to get my toiletries from the bathroom, then separate my clothes into those I’m taking and those I’m leaving behind. There’s just one more thing I need to do.

I take out my knife and slice the Tucson Chapter patch off my cut, then, raiding Sally’s sewing kit get a needle and thread and sew the Nomad one on instead. Christ, by the time I’ve finished I’ve pricked my finger more than once, as it’s hard to see through the tears that had fallen when I took off the Tucson insignia. The residual wetness on my face reminding me, I’m shedding none at the thought of leaving her.

She tries one more time. “Am I still your old lady, Beef?”

“Beef, you ready?” Shooter shouts from outside the door.

“Give me a minute,” I respond, then turn back. “Sal. It’s been…”Good? Interesting? A lesson learned?“Say goodbye to the kids for me.”

“Beef. Don’t go.”

“I have to Sal. It’s what I’ve been asked to do. And to be honest, it’s best for us to have a break too.”

“Will you be faithful?”

What?Oh fuck, why did she have to go there? I’m itching for my cock to get the sort of workout it loves. I’m already salivating at the thoughts of the sweet butts in the Colorado club. “Sal, babe. I’ll be gone a while.”

“No, Beef. You said we’re on a break, not that we’ve broken up. My feelings for you won’t change. I don’t want you sleeping with anyone else.”

Not sleeping I can promise her. But that’s not fair.

“Beef?” Shooter yells.

“I’ve got to go, babe.” One more look at her face, and I know I have to leave her with something. With a silent apology to my dick, I offer the words she wants to hear. “I promise.”

She goes on her tiptoes to kiss me. I turn my cheek so her lips press only against my skin, then, I open the door and leave. Shooter takes a bag of clothes and throws it in the back of the truck.

I stand wiping my brow with my hand, then pass it down my face. I’m a fucking idiot with no one to blame but myself. I could simply have said the words,it’s over, yet couldn’t force them out of my mouth. I’m postponing the inevitable, not cancelling it. Well, I only got what I deserve.

“Man, you look like shit,” Shooter tells me when he catches sight of my face.Thanks for that, friend.“You going to be okay for the ride?”

I just toss him a glare.I could ride in my sleep, I’ll be fine. Right now I’m trying to get my head around the fact that I, an oversexed biker, have just promised to be celibate. For a woman I’ve no feelings for.She’ll never know.But I will.

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