Page 120 of Devil's Dilemma

“Desperation,” Pyro suggests. “They love bringing what they see as outlaw motorcyclegangsdown.” I notice he almost spits out the penultimate word of his sentence.

“Indeed. At the time, Skull was trying to infiltrate what the feds saw was an OMG. A good reminder of their terminology, Pyro. We can emphasise you’re a ridingclub.”

I’ve just remembered something. “The club worked with the United States Marshals and helped bring a real gang down, when Steph was being kept alive to give evidence against the Warped Jokers. Surely that places them in good standing?”

My dad nods. “Anything like that helps. As does what you said earlier, the Tucson chapter having good relationships with the cops.”

Pyro chuckles. “I wouldn’t say good relationships, but yeah, they helped the cops and feds a couple of times.”

Dad takes off his glasses, and this time, lays them down. “I’ll start preparing the paperwork. This has to be done right, Melissa, so it will take time. I’ve got to prepare you. Probably the best you can hope to get out of it is monetary compensation. Whether they keep Skull on, or dismiss him, will be down to their internal processes. You need to think about how much you want. Cases which ask for one million or less are normally settled quite quickly. We can go for more if you want.”

“That won’t hurt Skull,” I say bluntly, “and money won’t return my lost baby to me.” I wanted to see him locked up. It appears Dad’s warning me that’s unlikely to happen.

My father looks thoughtful. “Let me get it all down on paper and we’ll see where we can go from there. Once I’ve got all the facts straight and have completed more research, we can discuss whether Skull did anything against the law. At the moment, I can see he went against FBI guidelines, so believe all we can do is present that case to them.” He sighs. “I know what you’re thinking, Melissa, and I’d love to be able to lock Skull up behind bars, but we’re going to have a hard enough time getting any reparation as it is.”

Beside me, I see Pyro tense. Then he turns to me and asks, “You sure you want to do this, Mel?”

It doesn’t take me a second to reply, “I’m certain. Fighting is what I need to do. I can’t give up now. I need to know that what he did was wrong. If at the end of the day, the government pays for his crime, at least it’s an admission that what he did wasn’t right. And if I can do something to prevent the same thing happening to anyone else, that’s what I need to do.”

Dad stays buried in his office while Pyro and I catch up with Mom. Later that afternoon we’re back in the car and returning to Pueblo. As Pyro drives I lean my head back and think over the last twenty-four hours. It hadn’t been easy at all, reliving everything, dredging it back up had been distressing. But the result is I’m feeling a little easier.I’m doing something.It might not end up with Skull in prison or even losing his job, but some recognition of the wrong that had been done to me would go a long way. I won’t let him get away unscathed, surely he’ll get a reprimand at the very least?

Am I a cruel person to want to know what’s happening between him and his wife? How she would be able to forgive him is beyond me. She might have been able to turn a blind eye that if it was to keep him alive, he had to go with a club girl to prove he fitted in. But to start a relationship and father a baby? Surely she could never accept that.

I hope she’s making him suffer.

It’s what he deserves.

Nothing will restore the baby which died inside me. But part of my fight is for him and the life he never knew. Although there’s no scientific link between the miscarriage and what Skull had done to me, no one will ever convince me that it wasn’t my distress at his behaviour and how I allowed it to affect me that caused my baby’s heart to stop beating.

What if I’m pregnant again even now?

Nothing could replace the child I lost, but another might fill this emptiness inside me. Pyro’s indicated nothing other than that’s what he wants too. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he sees the sonogram, this time, knowing he’ll have fathered a daughter or son.

For the first time in weeks, I’m returning home with hope, not total despair. Allowing into my mind optimism that a future with a good man will be mine, a family, if we’re lucky, and on top of that, revenge on the man who hurt me so badly.

Who couldn’t agree, when all the facts are known? I’d been used, abused, and discarded. I deserve justice, both for myself and my never-to-be-born child.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Melissa

The wheels of justice grind slowly.

A month has passed. The files have been prepared and submitted, but Dad’s had no news. Pyro’s moved in with me, claimed me officially, and I’m now in possession of a leather vest all of my own, with a Property of Pyro patch on the back. I know most people wouldn’t understand, but it makes me feel loved and protected, this visible symbol that he’s my man.

I don’t even object to the idea of getting a tattoo, not after seeing the beautiful designs Vi does, but as there’s a tiny risk to a pregnant woman, Pyro’s declared we’ll put it off. Despite Lizard’s assurances that he makes hygiene his top priority at the tattoo parlour, and little chance of infection, it will have to wait.

I’m not actually pregnant as yet, but it’s far too soon to be worried, and I have to admit I enjoy the trying.

Am I getting over Skull? No, I never will completely. Pyro is a wonderful man, always taking time to reassure me, but sometimes doubts creep into my mind. I was claimed once before, didn’t stop me from being abandoned.

I tell myself Skull had his own reasons for leaving, that they were nothing to do with me. Thing is though, I know what it’s like to have a man walk out and disappear. In the depths of the night, and sometimes during the day, I worry it might happen again. Then have to take a moment to calm down and remind myself, Pyro and Skull are two completely different men.

When doubts creep in I hate Skull more than ever. Memories of what happened and fear that history will repeat itself is what prevents me fully trusting in my good luck now. Pyro’s arranged for me to have counselling, and I’ve been diagnosed as suffering PTSD. What the counsellor had said made sense, my expectations have been reshaped by my experiences. In simple terms, I’m now always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Pyro’s not in the club when I arrive, I tell myself it’s because he’s at work. A little voice inside worries,he might have left without a trace.

My relief when he turns up makes me angry. I might have the right to doubt myself, but never this man who’s done nothing other than show how much he loves me and how reliable he is.

---