Page 126 of Devil's Dilemma

Clare nods. “That’s what I suspected. I didn’t know what he was doing, he kept his work secret. I didn’t mind, me not knowing kept him safe. I couldn’t say anything out of turn, even if I wanted to. Six months passed, I expected him back, but no. His assignment was continuing. Then another five, and he’d returned for a month. I must admit I was scared for him to return to whatever he was doing after that, but he told me it was safer than ever.”

Bastard. Because by returning he’d allayed our suspicions. My eyes meet Red’s, his face is grim.

Something clicks. “He wore his patch for six months after that.”

Red raises an eyebrow at me. “Sounds to me like he wasn’t given approval to extend his time. Seems a mighty coincidence and could explain why he was recalled.”

Mel breathes out audibly. “You think he applied for another extension and was refused?”

“Could be,” Red shrugs. “Or maybe he made the request himself as he realised he was wasting his time.”

Bad timing.I remember the words Mel had said he’d used. The bastard had known his time was up. Whether at his request or someone else’s, he knew he was going to leave.

Mel digests her own thoughts for a moment, then turns back to Clare. “Did you have any contact with him while he was undercover?”

She shakes her head. “No. I knew what to expect. It was too dangerous for him to expose himself, but his handler would get the odd message to me. I never had any idea what he was doing. But, one thing I never suspected was that he’d be unfaithful.”

“He hadn’t all that time,” Red reassures her. “Prospects get mighty friendly with their hands.”

“Unless he went with a woman outside of the club,” I say, with a frown. “But I’m unable to say whether he did or did not.”

Clare makes a gesture that conveys she’d believe almost anything of him now.

“After… after everything was exposed, Don tried to reassure me that we’d be okay. He told me agents sometimes suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder when they’re under for such a long time. That’s when they become the person they’re trying to be. He said he’d only ever ask for short-term assignments again.”

I huff a short laugh. Bastard’s defence is that he believed himself to be a biker? Well I’m a true one, and I’d be fucking faithful to Mel while I knew I had her waiting at home. I certainly wouldn’t go out of my way to start a relationship.

“If it’s a recognised condition, did he receive counselling?” Red asks.

“No. He didn’t want to have it on his record that something was wrong. Because of your complaint, Mel, he didn’t want to lose his job. But, he had changed.” She bites her lip. “I don’t know, he was angry, angry at you, me and Cordelia, that’s our daughter. And while he was angry, instead of trying to pacify him, all I could think about was the injury done to me, and to you, Melissa. He’d gone from your bed to mine without a thought. He’d been careless enough to get you pregnant, and, when he heard about your miscarriage, he was pleased. A problem had been solved.”

Mel tenses. “I expected that.”

“He’d been gone almost eighteen months straight, with just those few weeks in between when he was hurt. I had to survive on my own, and I found that I could. What I found harder to accept, was him back in my life, knowing what I did.” She leans forward again, staring intently at Mel. “I can’t thank you enough. If I hadn’t been confronted with you and Don, I’d never have known what had happened. I’d have been left in ignorance.”

“Wouldn’t that have been better?” asks Mel. “You might still be married.”

She nods. “Yes, but to who?” She shudders. “He cheated once, he’d do it again, I’m sure. He wasn’t the man I thought he was. It was better to know.”

“Skull hit her,” Red puts in, clearly wanting to speed things up. “She came to the club for help. Skull wouldn’t take no for an answer from her, but he’s had to take it from us.” Again his eyes soften as he looks at her, and she responds with a small smile. It makes me wonder just how personally involved Red is. But he quickly knocks that on the head. “Rosa’s taken Clare under her wing, and Cordelia,Delly,”he grins, “has been accepted by the club.”

“You living here?” I ask.

Clare shakes her head. “Not now, but I did, for a bit.” Again, she addresses herself to Mel. “Red said you were going to be talking to the feds. Don had told them how you discovered who he was. He must have told them kidnapping was involved. They questioned me, I said it was nothing of the sort. That I was invited to the Vegas compound and went of my own accord.” Now she glances to Red. “I didn’t want to get anyone into trouble, not people who were doing what they could to right a wrong.”

She pauses to take a breath, but no one interrupts, seeing there’s more she wants to say. “Melissa, I don’t know how you coped. I don’t know how you’ve come through. I’ve, er, I’ve been trying to put myself in your place. A man just walking out? Then finding out he was alive and not dead? That anything he ever said had been a lie? That…”

Don’t put it into words,I silently beg, seeing how still Mel’s gone by my side.

“Clare wanted to pay her respects, Mel,” Red says, ensuring she doesn’t complete her list. “I took her and we put flowers on his grave.”

Mel stands, her hands covering her face, then she pushes past and I’m fast following her out the door. In the hallway outside I pull her into my arms, and she sobs. When her tears start to slow, she stammers out, “She’s a stronger person than I. To do that, Ro? To visit a grave of her husband’s child? A child that wasn’t hers?”

“She wanted closure too, Mel.” Red appears in the doorway. “I held her myself when she saw the headstone and she cried. It’s the visible sign of Skull’s crime against her, against you and against the club.” His eyes come to mine, a question I interpret as,Is she alright?

Mel’s next words give him the answer. “I can’t go back in, Ro.”

“You don’t have to, Mel,” I reassure her.

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