Page 50 of Devil's Dilemma

“I think that’s enough said. That could have been his reason for telling you it was club business.” He turns so he’s now facing me. “He might have used the phone to call someone who calmed him down that night. He came back after the call, didn’t he? Made it up to you? But maybe in his mind it had festered… Maybe he went to the person he’d called to talk it through. Who knows? But I agree, he had every intention of returning, but didn’t, or, he couldn’t.”

“We’re no further forward, are we?” I wipe an errant tear from my eye.

He notices. “Oh darlin’. Don’t upset yourself.”

I wave him off, not wanting my sorrow to cause this conversation to stop.

He must realise I’m strong enough to continue. “There’s just that nagging doubt of why he felt the need to hide shit.”

I rest my head in my hands, trying to work it through. “Skull loved the club, loved the life. I’ve no doubt of that. Whatever you did to him, he’d gotten over it, I’m certain. If he felt the need for secrecy, maybe it’s something in his past?”

“If he went to stay with a friend, he could have called them from his club phone.” Pyro seems like a dog with a bone. “Why didn’t he?”

“Perhaps he, or she,” I grimace, “is someone the club wouldn’t approve of.” Once again wheels turn in my head. “Skull goes to them injured after he was beaten up for something he hadn’t done. If they’re a good friend, they might not have liked him going back to the club. Maybe he wants to keep that side of his life completely separate.”

“Maybe, could be, might.” Pyro’s head moves side to side, and his jaw tightens. “Too many questions, not enough answers.”

What he means is, we’re no closer to finding my man.

“I want to know, Pyro,” my voice breaks, “if he’s dead, I want to know.”

“Oh sweetheart.” He sees another tear fall and comes over, his strong arms wrapping around me. “Hang on to the hope he’s still breathing. You may think you could accept the worst, but if it comes, it will be bad. While we don’t know, you can be optimistic, which you need to be right now. Don’t give up, not yet. You owe it to you and the baby.”

Another tightening of his arms, then he pulls back. “I’ve got to go see Prez. You going to be okay, or do you want me to find Violet and send her to you?”

My emotions are swinging from one extreme to the other. Probably hormones have something to do with it, but also the situation I’m in. One moment I’m angry at Skull for leaving me, the next grieving his absence. Talking with Pyro has helped, but I feel totally wrung out now.

“I don’t want to keep talking about it. I’ll be fine on my own. If I need company, I’m a big girl.” My mouth twists at my unintended double meaning. “I can go find it.” That’s one thing about lockdown, there’s usually someone around.

Leaning forward, he places a chaste kiss to my forehead, then stands and leaves.

I stare at the door after he closes it. They think there’s a possibility Skull might be some kind of traitor, but I know he’d never betray them. That is not the lover I allowed into my bed, and certainly not the man who’s captured my heart, or the one who’s currently breaking it.

Thursday passes like any other day. I pull myself together, am escorted today by the prospect, Beaver, to work, then, after a tedious day conducting land searches, I’m followed by a different bike on the return journey.

It might be psychological, but already pregnancy seems to be making me tired, and I yawn my way through the dinner Jeannie has prepared.

“It gets you like that,” Violet observes. “Tired all the time.”

“Even this early?”

“One of the earliest symptoms, yes.”

“Second trimester is normally better,” Mo puts in. “You get a second wind. I think it’s nature’s way of giving you energy to get your nest ready.”

“And in the third, you’re so big you can’t do anything,” Vi laughs. “Oh, I’ve spoken to Lizard. He’s happy if I take the morning off for your appointment.”

I, too, have already booked time off work, but she really doesn’t have to. “You don’t need to come with me, Violet.”

Her look tells me she’ll have no argument on this. If I’m honest, I’ll appreciate the company. Let’s face it, I’ve not been pregnant before, and I don’t know how any of this works. Having her with me when I have my first check-up with the doctor could be good.

“Hey, I found this. You might like to read it. I found it was good and helped me know what to do and what to expect.”

Thisturns out to be a large illustrated book about pregnancy and childbirth. My eyes light up. I’d certainly like to read it. When she passes it over, I start to flick through the pages. Stopping at one, my eyes open in horror.

“Oh, God, no.”

Jeannie, who’s come up behind me, leans over, takes a look, and snorts. “Your poor pussy,” she comments.

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