Page 32 of Amy's Santa

“Then I’d spank you.” His eyes sparkle, and I notice he looks and sounds relaxed, but moves quickly on. “Come, let’s give the horses their Christmas treat.”

Still holding fast to my hand, he takes me past each stall. Some horses I remember, some, he tells me, had reached the end of their lives, including Patch, the plodding pony on whom I’d learned to ride. I remember the whole family had been heartbroken when Niyol, Mouse’s stallion, had died.

“Sunny?” I ask him. She’d been a palomino pony, my next step up. She was gentle with the children, but younger and livelier than Patch.

“Here.” He leads me to a stall.

My eyes open wide when I see she’s still here. “How old is she now?”

“Thirty-four,” he tells me proudly. “Retired now, but Mouse will give her a home as long as she lives.”

As I feed her an extra carrot, one of the hands calls out, “She’s due for turnout.”

“We’ll take her,” Drew shouts back. Expertly he puts a halter on her, and old as she is, she still does a little prance, anticipating her freedom.

“Want to take her?”

I do. Leading her to the field, waiting while Drew opens the gate, taking her inside, undoing the halter and freeing her seems to loosen something within me. Watching her trot away in search of a good place to graze, my worries subside. I feel tranquil for the first time since I was broken, and possibly for a long time before that.

Standing next to each other in a comfortable silence, I rest my arms on the railings and just watch the pony munching.

“I hate that you live so far away,” Drew says at last.

“Why?”

“Because you’re not here. And that’s where I want you to be, right here at my side.”

I’m really not sure what he means with his pronouncement until he turns me to face him and I see heat in his eyes.

“I wouldn’t be saying anything if it weren’t for the fact that I’m scared I’m going to lose you to that fucker who came with you.”

How can you lose something you’ve never had?Or does he just mean as a friend? Yeah, that must be it.

As my eyes show my confusion, Drew continues, “When you left, I was having inappropriate feelings toward you. You were seventeen, I’m ten years older. Seemed like far too much of a gap. I felt a pervert for my thoughts toward you.”

He’d had thoughts about me?

I don’t trust myself to say anything.

“I knew you had a crush on me.” He looks over at the pony, then to the next field where some horses are kicking up their heels. “I didn’t feel I could admit to feeling the same way. Well, I couldn’t. Heart would have killed me.”

My eyes widen. “You certainly didn’t show it,” I say, tightly.

“Oh, your Dad saw the way the wind was blowing and told me to put an end to it. He said you needed a chance to be you and to follow your dreams of becoming a nurse. I understood, it wasn’t unlike Mariana making sure I finished my education before doing anything else. Christ, Amy, you weren’t even of the age of consent.”

“You didn’t look like you cared much about me when you fucked that whore.”

“I knew you were there,” he admits. “But never dreamed of the result. You barely spoke to me from then on until you went to Phoenix.”

He’s being frank, I’m equally so. “You broke my heart, Drew.”

His lips quirk. “You know? I like that I’m Drew to you.” He muses for a moment, then says, “I like that balance. To everyone else I’m Wizard, have been since I patched in. Christ, that was fifteen years back. Until you came back, I’d almost forgotten who I was. You calling me Drew reminds me I’m a man and not just the prez with responsibilities.”

“You’ve done well,” I tell him, giving credit where it’s due. To rise through the ranks in an MC, to be voted into the top spot by all members is no small achievement.

“The MC saved Mariana, and myself,” he tells me bluntly. “We both could have died were it not for their help. Such a big debt owed, I wanted to give something back. So I prospected and became a member.” His face tightens. “When you went away, I was lost, adrift, made to re-evaluate my life. I fucked up, Amy, I admit it. I’d lost my friend and realised I’d lost the girl worth waiting for. All I could do was throw myself into the MC. I aimed at becoming an officer when the old regime eventually retired. I lived and breathed the club, and I still do. Got to admit that.”

“How did they save your life, Drew?” I ask, curious. I’d been so young at the time, I hadn’t known what was happening.

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