Page 38 of Amy's Santa

He taps the end of my nose with his finger. “I already know I’ll love your little quirks, Amy. Even if you’re the one who farts in the bed.”

“I don’t,” I start indignantly, and then see him trying not to laugh. “Seriously, Drew, I’ll have to go back to Phoenix, turn in my resignation, look for a new job in Tucson. I’m not going to be a stay-at-home wife, or not until…” I don’t finish that statement as just the thought of having a baby with Drew fills me with a sense of rightness. “Let’s take it one step at a time for the next month. I’ll come down, or you can come visit. Let’s get to know each other again, as adults, not with one part of this partnership a kid.”

He’s grinning, an evil look, as though he’s plotting. I narrow my eyes as he leans in.

“You say you don’t mind casual sex? Well, come to my bed tonight. I’ll make sure you never want to leave it. Might even get you knocked up so you have to come back.”

I poke my finger into his chest. While the thought of being in his bed is exciting, which is strange as I haven’t wanted even to be touched for three months, I’ve got some conditions. “If you want to fuck me, you’re going to have to glove up.”

Another of his smirks and then he raises an eyebrow, the bastard. Oh, I’m sure he’ll take precautions while I insist, but I wonder, if I go through with this, how long it will be before I end up pregnant? He knows how much I love children, and how I always said I’d wanted six. I may have revised that down a bit as I’ve grown up, but I’d loved looking after the twins and Alexis.

Suddenly he grows serious. “I’ll give you a month, Amy. But I’m warning you, when we’re together you’ll be in my bed as of tonight.”

My face falls, I hadn’t realised he meant what he said, I’d thought it was just a joke. “I’ve not been with anyone since…”

“Not Xander?”

“No, though…” I go red, but why I don’t know. I’m not exactly shy talking about sex. I frequent kink clubs after all which are all about communication and being upfront and truthful. “This morning, he pushed me, and gave me an orgasm orally.”

“Pushed you?” Drew’s face has gone tense.

“No, not as in forced me. I’ve not been ready for anything, so he started slowly.”

“Today,” Drew repeats. “On my compound.” It’s not a question but a statement.

Is he going to take my dreams and smash them?Part of me regrets being honest, but I couldn’t go into anything based on lies or things kept hidden.

I purse my lips. “And when was the last time you fucked on the compound, Drew?”

His lips curve. “It was just sex.” Then his mouth turns down. “Have I got this wrong, Amy? Do you love him?” He rakes his hands through his hair. “I thought nothing about swooping in and taking you from him, as I didn’t see any intimacy between the two of you.”

He was right. The relationship with Xander is nothing like the one Drew is offering.

“Amy, I’ve got a past, you’ve got one, but it’s here on in that’s important. In fact, I’m delighted to know he hasn’t given you his cock.”

“I didn’t want it. I’m… scared.”

Again, he raises an eyebrow.

Fuck. I just kissed him. Was held tight in his arms. Felt his erection behind me and all it did was turn me on. I stare up at him with wonder in my eyes and place my hands against his cheek.

“I’m not scared of you, Drew.” I feel I have to admit, unable to believe from the moment I wrapped my hands around him on the bike, what happened with Flint and my reaction hadn’t crossed my mind once. “But I am worried I’ll get flashbacks… Especially if we make love.” I think he’ll be the first man I’ve ever made love to, and I know that’s what he’ll be giving me back. It won’t just be fucking, not with our hearts involved.

“I can be dominant, I can be gentle. I can be anything you want or need.” He presses his lips together. “I can do slow, and if you want to stop, I’ll stop. No need for,” he puts it in air quotes showing he does indeed know about kink, “safe words.”

I lean my head against his chest again, realising I’m resting my cheek on his cut, but he’s not protesting. He raises his hand and gently rests it against the back of my head.

“I have to admit I hate what happened to you, sweetheart. But we’ll work through it together.” He thinks for a moment. “Are you sure you’re okay with going back to Phoenix?”

I don’t answer immediately, turning to view the vista that stretches up into the Coronado forest. If I allow myself to be honest, Tucson was and always will be my home. But I’ve enjoyed my time in Phoenix, apart from the last couple of months, as the independence helped me grow. The progression in my career, as well as the ability to strike out on my own raising myself in the eyes of my dad, Marc, and most people on the compound was necessary. Perhaps the respect I’d need as the prez’s old lady, is already there.

Even if I have another meltdown, there are enough brothers here who suffer from PTSD having served, they’d be hypocritical to criticise how badly Flint affected me.

Drew deserves an honest answer.

“You asked me if I loved Xander, the answer is I don’t. I’m grateful to him, I feel a lot of affection for him. I would have tried to make a relationship work and have no doubt we would have got along. But love? You’re the only man I’ve ever felt that emotion for. You thought I was just a kid when you were responsible for me leaving, and it’s true, I was. My love may have been that of a young girl’s, but I gave you my heart then, and it could never belong to anyone else.”

He goes to speak, I stop him.

---