Page 11 of Heart Mended

“This,” I reach into my cut and take out a small box, “is for now.”

She stretches out to take it. I move it away, opening it myself, then, show her what it contains.

Her hands cover her face as she looks at me with almost the same childish wonder when I give Amy a toy she’s been bothering over.

“Heart. It’s perfect.”

“If it doesn’t fit, we can get it resized. If you don’t like it…”

“I love it.”

Now I’ve got two happy, excited females in my arms. Marc tries the ring on, it’s a near perfect fit. Maybe could do with being made a fraction smaller, but it will serve for now.

“Can I tell Auntie Sam and Auntie Sophie I’m going to be a bridesmaid?”

We give her permission. The compound is safe and secure, neither of us worry that she’s running down to the clubhouse on her own. It gives us a moment to be together. I’m still grinning at how my daughter finds her forthcoming role in proceedings takes precedence over the momentous decision I’d taken to ask Marc to be my wife—to legally bind us together for the rest of our lives.

“Why, Heart? What changed your mind? If you’re not right with this…” Marc, no longer having to pretend in front of Amy, lets her brow furrow. “I don’t need it, if you’ve got any doubts.”

“Hush.” I touch my fingers to her mouth, needing to ease her fears. “I’m not replacing Crystal. I know that now. I’ve got enough love for the both of you. It’s time, Marc. It’s time I fully embrace my future.”

“You swore you’d never…”

She’s right. I had. Though I hadn’t realised it, my grief had come full circle. I’ll never forget the time I had with Crystal. She’ll always have a place in my heart, but the pain has eased to the point it’s getting hard to remember. When I look at Amy and see my dead wife, it brings fond memories, not the devastation of losing her.

Pulling my woman into my arms, I try to fathom words that will reassure her.

“I want this, Marc, more than anything, and I hope you do to. Can’t really fuckin’ explain it, but it feels right. It’s time, babe. Time to let go of the past completely. Time to move forward. Only need one more word from you, and that’s a yes.”

“Yes.” The breathed out word carries so much commitment, my heart feels completely healed. “You do know, don’t you? That you’ve just created a monster. Amy’s going to be impossible.”

Chuckling, I hold her tighter.

“You, my love, are going to have to get pretty damn familiar with frills and lace if I know our daughter.” My lips curve as I remember. “Crystal would love that, you know? She always liked Amy dressed in pretty shit.”

Chapter Four

It had felt so right asking Marc to marry me. The relief and delight I’d experienced at her answer had confirmed it. Our relationship might seem back to front to other people, but to us, the timing was perfect.

It’s the third anniversary of Crystal’s death, and the time to do something else.

Approaching the gravestone, I crouch in front of it, laying down the flowers, which will soon dry and shrivel up in the heat of the Arizona sun. But hey, isn’t bringing some expected, showing a mark of respect, the thing to do?

I stay still, opening my senses, allowing the life around me to soak in, hearing the birdsong as wildlife goes about its business. Noticing the saguaro standing tall in the distance, breathing deep, my lungs fill with fresh air. My eyes finally focus on the engraving on the tombstone. The words chosen bringing a smile to my face.

“Trust Drummer touse my club name, Crystal.” Once again, I’m reminded of the debt I owe to the president of my motorcycle club. Crystal’s mother had buried her daughter,my wife,while I had still been in a coma. She wouldn’t have bothered with a stone to mark where Crystal lay. So Drummer stepped in, providing one for her himself. Today’s the first time I’ve ever seen it.

My leg muscles protest at the position I’m in, so I take my weight on my ass, sitting more comfortably, pulling my knees up and wrapping my arms around them. Taking a blade of dried grass, I put it between my teeth and chew it. After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, I raise my eyes to the headstone again.

“I thought you were it for me, girl. That you and me would ride together through life. Grow old side by side. See Amy develop into a woman, have a couple more kids just how you wanted. Never expected you to be taken so soon.”

A rustle of air blows my hair, a swirl of dust, and the weight of a hand on my shoulder. I put mine up to cover it, unsurprised when it lands on the bare leather of my cut. I learned long ago she wouldn’t show me any visible sign of her presence, but she was always there, always with me when I was on the journey which ended with me finding myself,finding Marc.

Today’s the first I’ve felt her in so long. She’d left me once she’d known I was happy, as if her job was done. I feel it deep in my bones that she had a hand in bringing Marc and I together.

“I couldn’t take it at first, Crystal. That’s why I haven’t visited before.” Why I’d left her grave unattended for almost three years. “At first, it was too painful. I wanted nothing more than to join you.”

More dust swirls, a weed bends in a breeze which isn’t there.

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