Page 14 of Hawk's Cry

I take one last look at the house we designed and equipped together, knowing today is the last time I’ll see it as I won’t be welcome back here. Then, I glance toward my dad and mom’s house, seeing no one coming out to say goodbye.

Guess it’s all too raw. Maybe, given time, they’ll forgive me.

Mom will, I know that. Dad? I’m not so sure. I’ve just torn up and stomped on everything he held precious. Like me, he’d been born into the club, lived and breathed it all his life. The difference being, while he thrived, I’ve become smothered.

Fuck but my head hurts. Or is my chest worse? When will the ache in my groin stop throbbing? At least the pain takes precedence in my head, overcoming the sense of loss for which I’ve only got myself to blame. As I ease back my head, I turn slightly, noticing Liv’s jaw is set.

She, too, is staring into the rearview mirror, back at the house we’ve just left.

“We’ll be fine,” I tell her, trying to sound positive.

“Will we?” She looks more angry than upset as she turns to meet my eyes. “Will we, Eli? I’m not so sure about that.”

I owe her an apology for uprooting her life. But she’s my wife. It’s her role to support me, isn’t it? To be by my side? I feel a flare of temper myself. But the pain in my body tells me I’ve no desire to have an argument right now.

She slows while the gates slide open, automatically triggered by the remote in the car which Mouse will probably immediately disable, then we go through. I don’t even turn around to see the home where I’ve lived all my life disappear behind me.

It’s a rough ride down the long track which leads to the main road. However much I try to brace myself, everything hurts when we hit a pothole or bump even though Liv is driving as carefully as she can. I bite my tongue, refraining from asking her to slow down, torn between my suffering and my need to be far away. I’ll feel better, at least mentally, once all this is behind me.

Once we hit the road, I can breathe more easily. I try to summon up the excitement I knew I’d feel once I was free and able to start my new life. That I fail and any joy evades me, I put down to my physical injuries. It’s hard to look forward when I dread having to get out of the car and again having to balance on my feet.

At last we drive up to a single-storey adobe house, the yard at the front looking nicely maintained. Well, if it wasn’t, the prospects wouldn’t be getting patched in—but I suppose from here on in, I’ll be doing that myself. The club won’t lift a finger to help me.

Liv pulls up the SUV in front of the garage, then gets out.

At least she waits for me, though she doesn’t run around and fuss, leaving me to get out and shut the door behind me. I’m exhausted as a result. Parts which hadn’t hurt so much on the drive make themselves known now.

She finds the right key—she must have already added to her keyring—opens the front door, and stepping up to the alarm consults a piece of paper she takes from her pocket and inputs the right code. At least this place is secure. It will do as our temporary home until we can find a place we can make ours.

I’ve not been inside for years, so I refresh my memory now. The front door enters straight into a comfortable living room. There’s an outdated television on the wall, and two couches which have definitely seen better days. I also recall it’s a three-bedroom house, but one will work fine for now. I’m in no fit state to explore, so I go and lower myself onto the couch, letting out another groan. I think I’ve uttered more of those than words since I first woke up.

“You can’t stay there long,” Olivia informs me. I open my one working eye to stare at her.

“Prospects are bringing our couches in. I hate to even think about sitting on that.” She points, in disgust, at the sofa I’m sitting on. Yeah, now she’s mentioned it, the musty smell reaches even my blocked and probably broken nose. I can feel a spring poking up under my ass. “Heart said to throw anything that was here out.”

When the prospects stagger in through the door, I struggle, get myself upright again, then a few moments later sink my backside back onto our own couch from home.

I’m useless, unable to offer to help. But then, that’s what prospects are for. Not anymore. After this, I’ll be doing everything myself. I realise they’re not helping me, they’re helping her. The old VP’s daughter still garners respect while I don’t. Not anymore.

The decrepit television is taken away, ours installed. Our bed comes in too, along with her bedroom set.

I sit bemused while boxes of kitchen equipment are brought in. Liv directs the prospects as to what should stay, and what should be removed. A loud whirring sound and a blast of cool air shows the air conditioning, at least for now, works.

In comes our fridge, out goes the ancient one. Pots and pans are banged around as she decides whether there’s anything here that needs to be taken away.

It wasn’t the talk with Throttle, it wasn’t the discussion in church, it wasn’t even the beatdown I’d received. But when the prospects finally leave and I stare around an unfamiliar house with all the comforts of my own, it’s then I realise I’ve really left everything behind and closed the door on my old life. Now I’m faced with opening a new one and I’m not yet sure which way to turn. Time for that when I’m feeling stronger.

“Do you want anything?” Liv asks me tersely.

I think she’s angry. But when I take a good look at her face, I realise she’s trying hard not to cry.

“Babe…” I start, but get no further than that, as her face tightens.

“No, Eli. Don’t say a word. Not one bloody word, okay? This is our life now. We move forward, and I’ll try not to look back. You’re hurt, I get that, so I won’t press you today. But in time you’re going to tell me why. Why you left the club. Why you left the only life we have ever known. Why you’ve taken me away…” Now the sobs start, and she turns so she’s facing the opposite wall as if trying to hide them for me. “You are going to tell me, and soon. Because I don’t understand, Eli.”

Then she runs off. I hear a door bang, and then I hear her wailing from one of the bedrooms.

Oh fuck.

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