Page 25 of Hawk's Cry

I wave off his help. I’m pregnant not decrepit, but standing see that he’s right. A storm is coming and pretty fast. Already the wind is getting up. The very least I should be is safe in my car, and not outside when the thunder and lightning gets going and the rain starts lashing down.

When I’m on my feet, I cast one more worried look at the approaching storm, then throw a brief look of gratitude at the man who warned me. “I best get going. Thank you.”

“Gabe. I’m Gabe.”

Wondering why he so freely offered his name to me, and determined not to give mine, I hurry to my car.

Moments later, I’m winding my way down the road leading to the bottom, hoping I’ll beat the rain. I drive over the washes knowing once the heavy drops start falling, I’ll have to slow down and stop. Arizona hasn’t got a stupid drivers’ law for nothing. It’s suicide to cross a wash once they start to fill up. The water can become a torrent within seconds.

Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles, echoing my mood. There’s no other man for me but Eli. If he does betray me with another woman, our marriage will be over, and I’ll give him no second chance. But I’ll never go looking for another man, no one could ever measure up. I’ll just die a lonely old lady, living only for my child.

While I don’t end up having to wait for a wash to clear, I do have to slow down as the rain is coming down in sheets. I shiver, seeing the temperature has dropped by twenty degrees. It’s a regular summer weather occurrence in Tucson, one moment unbearably hot, the next so much cooler. Then the sun comes out, and all the water dries up. I’ve never known anything different, having lived here all my life. Mom though, I smile, she still complains during monsoon season, having come over from England when she was my age. For a moment, I think about the culture shock she went through, leaving her home in a town not far from London, and ending up in a motorcycle club in the United States. She had to get used to a different style of living. Perhaps history is repeating itself. She learned to love a new way of life, perhaps I should try and integrate into civilian ways. I might find I like it.

But not without Eli. I can’t do it by myself.

The problem is, Eli’s not only not helping me, he’s not helping himself.

Sure, he’s hurt and his bones need to heal, but it’s he who wanted this new life. So why isn’t he reaching out and grabbing it?

I wish he’d speak to me. I wish he’d explain the real reason why we had to leave the compound. He gets harder to understand every day.

As I get closer to home my slow speed isn’t just because of the torrential rain that’s falling, it’s because I’m reluctant to return. I’ve no idea what version of my husband will greet me. Or whether he’ll even be there.

I resemble a drowned rat after running just the few steps from my car to the house.

Eli throws open the door. “Where the fuck have you been?”

“Out thinking,” I spit back at him. “You gave me a lot to think about.”

“You should know better than to just head out, Liv. I didn’t know where the fuck you were. What if something had happened to you? I don’t even have prospects who I can send out to search anymore.”

I roll my eyes as I poke him in the chest with my finger. “Firstly, whose fault is that? And secondly, if I really went missing, one call to my dad and the whole club would turn out.”

“That’s always been your answer for everything. Run to daddy like a little girl.”

My eyes roll. “Yeah? Like your dad wouldn’t step in to help if you were in trouble?”

“My dad doesn’t give a damn if I’m dead or alive.” He stands, his chest visibly moving in and out, his cheeks puffed and his whole body tense.

Despite him looking angry rather than hurt, I make an attempt to console him. “He’d come, if you needed him.”

“Well I don’t fuckin’ need him, do I?” he snarls.

I throw up my hands. “I’m going to lie down in the bedroom. There’s no talking to you in this mood. Though I will tell you one thing. If,” I punctuate my words with another poke to his ribs, even now avoiding those which are broken, “if you ever go off with another woman, even if just to fuel your fantasies, that’s us finished. For good. So you better do some fucking thinking what you want. Just one betrayal would be all it would take.”

His eyes go wide. “You’d leave me?”

“Damn straight I would.”

Then his mouth quirks and I get a brief glimpse of the man I fell in love with as he jokes, “I better cancel the whore I arranged for later then.”

But I’m in no mood for levity. Huffing loudly, I walk across the living room and down the hall to our bedroom. Before I can turn into it, I see the bed’s been made in the guestroom. I know it’s not because we’re expecting company.

As if on cue, the baby kicks, reminding me I’m not alone, even if Eli is pulling away. I stand in the hallway, looking from the master bedroom to the guest room, wondering how my life and our marriage has come to this. Separate rooms now. What’s next? Separate lives?

Suddenly I feel warmth behind me, a scent which is so familiar to me, I’d know it blindfolded.

He murmurs his explanation. “I toss and turn. I know I keep you awake. Until I’m healed and I can get a good night’s sleep, I thought it was best if I move in here. You need your sleep.”

---