Page 59 of Hawk's Cry

I leave and head to the meeting room as brothers are filing in for church. Making my way to the top end of the table, I receive slaps on the back, or serious nods, that simple gesture conveying sympathy, support and promises of retribution to whoever’s taken one of our own. I’m not surprised in a situation like this, word has already gotten around. Hound meets my eyes from the opposite side of the table and gives me a nod, an acknowledgement he has already filled people in on what’s gone down. It saves time, I’m down with it.

Three chairs remain empty as everyone takes their place. That of Wizard, Wraith, and my normal seat at the end of the table.

A minute passes, then two. Then one more. Glances are sent my way, but I shake my head. This is Wizard’s show now, he should be here to lead it.

Eventually the door opens. Prez steps in.

Looking grim, he goes quickly to his place at the head of the table. Instead of banging the gavel, he raps the wood, an unnecessary gesture as attention is already on him.

“Olivia’s missing.”

“Any info on who’s got her?” As Peg snaps his question, I realise no one else knows yet.

Wizard pauses, then says, “We think Archangel’s got her.”

The reactions are about what you’d expect, and it takes a moment for everyone to settle. This time Prez does need to use the gavel.

“We’ve brought Eli back to the compound.” There’s not much comment. That had been agreed to previously. However, Prez’s next statement isn’t accepted so easily. “I’m bringing him in on this discussion.”

Hound again raises his chin my way.

“What the fuck, Prez?” Marvel groans, putting his head in his hands. “You think that’s a good idea seeing as how we all feel about him? Enough to agree to having him close, but having him seated around this fuckin’ table?”

Before I can open my mouth, Hound’s voice thunders, “Do I need to remind you, Eli had gotten to the point when he couldn’t mentally cope. It wasn’t his fault, nor a conscious decision. Now his wife’s gone. I agree, he deserves to be part of getting her back.”

Marvel’s face looks thunderous. “If he hadn’t taken her off the compound, she wouldn’t be in Archangel’s hands. I don’t see how I can forgive him, not for this, Prez. He should have stayed, explained—”

“He didn’t fuckin’ know what was wrong with him. Hell, even if there was something wrong.” It’s Joker who aims his comments to Marvel now. “You don’t wake up feeling different one day. It creeps up gradually, until you can’t distinguish who you are anymore, or remember a time you thought differently.” He pauses and makes sure he’s got everyone’s attention. “Eli got it stuck in his head that he was going to let everyone down. Rather than risk someone dying on his watch, he walked away. Fuckin’ feelings he couldn’t put into words overrode any rational side of his brain thinking clearly.”

“We could have killed him.” Lady turns to his partner. I remember he was one voting for leniency and wonder now whether he recognised something at the time from having watched Joker spiralling.

Joker nods grimly. “Sometimes death seems the only way out.” He pauses to let that sink in. “Eli got to a place where there didn’t seem a way out. He wasn’t thinking rationally. Perhaps we weren’t either. We didn’t ask questions.”

Hound is nodding as Joker speaks, when he finishes, he takes over. “I’ve seen Eli, spoken to him. From a sergeant-at-arms point of view, Eli saw himself as a danger to this club, so chose to leave it. He wasn’t thinking of himself, he wasn’t being a fuckin’ selfish bastard. He was protecting us the only way he thought he could.”

“But the upshot is Olivia was left exposed and has been taken.” Shooter looks confused. “If Eli’s so lost in his head, shouldn’t we be finding her for him? What fuckin’ help can he be? He could be a hindrance.”

“We can’t leave him out of it!” I roar. “If I’d seen his distress, spoken to him earlier, all this might have been prevented. Let’s not repeat the same fuckin’ mistakes.”

“I don’t understand why he didn’t talk to you, Drum. Or you, Throttle.” Shooter sits back, folding his arms.

Prez rolls his eyes. “That bitch you went with, before you hooked up with Charlotte? You almost lost yourself in the bottle when she walked away.”

Shooter goes bright red. Yeah, he ran on alcohol fumes for a while. Known for being a sharpshooter, he nearly fucked up when he missed a critical shot. Luckily Heart was there and took it for him instead. We all knew what was wrong, asshole hadn’t admitted it until Blade, surprisingly, had put it together and confronted him. We’d stepped up and given him Satan’s Devils’ therapy—told him to get his head out of his ass, pull himself together, and go fuck a whore. Worked, as I seem to remember. The point is, he hadn’t asked for help.

“We’re men,” Lady puts in. He ignores the snorts. “We bottle things up. Eli was feeling shit, but didn’t know the reason. As Joker deduced, his own brain turned against him.”

Marvel, to give him his due, looks thoughtful. “I ain’t got an old lady. Never have, never will. Partly because I don’t want to have anything that I could lose. Except my bike. That would fuckin’ kill me if I lost that.” He gives a weak grin, then looks serious again. “I know you think I’m hard and unfeeling, but I fuckin’ love this club. Hate anything that threatens it. If Eli thought he could lead us wrong, well, perhaps it was right for him to step out. Now he’s lost his old lady.” He glances up to see if we’re still with him. When he sees we are, he carries on, “Losing her and the baby will fuckin’ destroy him. No way he’d recover from that. Not knowing what’s going on could drag him down too. Now you’ve explained, I can’t see how we can keep him out of it.”

“You suggesting we bring him in on our discussions?” Wizard asks. “Or just keep him updated?”

As Marvel thinks of his own answer, Throttle supplies his own. “Eli doesn’t trust himself, but I still do. Whether he knows it or not, he could have something to contribute. Olivia’s his life, always has been. He needs to have a chance to shape how we get her back.”

I notice he’s being positive and not saying if. It’s the only way we’ll survive this. It’s not just Eli who would be destroyed if we lost her forever, it would be each and every member of this club. That’s the reason Archangel took her. He knew how to get us where it would most hurt. He’d have gotten the same result if he had taken any one of our old ladies, we just made it too fucking easy for him to take her.

At that moment, the door opens and in steps Wraith. I’m not surprised by the desolate look on his face as he drops into a chair and his head falls into his hands. Peg’s arm rests on his shoulder, but no one offers words of sympathy. There’s nothing you can say to a man whose daughter is missing.

Prez raises an eyebrow toward him. When Wraith looks up, he catches his eye, and tells us, “Sophie’s a fuckin’ mess.” His own dishevelled appearance suggests he is as well. “Sam’s trying to comfort her.”

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