Page 8 of Hawk's Cry

“Then stay,” Mom says firmly. “That Eli wants to leave has nothing to do with you. You’re club, Olivia, with or without him.”

I do have that choice. I won’t be ostracised just because my husband has left me. But all my life, my fortunes have been intertwined with his. If he still wants me, how could I abandon him?

“If he does leave, I’ll have to go with him,” I sob. “I promised to love him, to support him, through good times and bad. Unless he doesn’t want me with him, I don’t see how I can do anything else.”

Sam’s eyes soften. “Leaving the club is serious, Ollie. He won’t be welcome back.” The sadness in her eyes shows she knows she’ll be losing a son if he throws in his patch. Or, at least, have a very different relationship with him. I feel sorry for her as well. “If you go with him, remember, you can always come back if you need to. You’ll always have a place with us here.”

I raise my head enough to send her a grateful look. When Drummer was prez, she was the first old lady. Now Amy’s married Wizard, Amy’s taken that place now, but Sam still speaks with authority.

But to not go with my husband, or to rely on the safety net they’ve just offered me, means I’m not putting effort into making my marriage work. It might be a shock, but I have to deal with it. I married Eli for better or worse, for the bad times as well as the good. My place is with him, without question. I’m just scared as I can’t envision what a life off compound would even look like.

“You’ll always be welcome here,” Mom starts. “Even if you move away, you can visit all the time.”

But if Eli’s intent on building a new life, isn’t that what I should also be doing? When the baby’s born, I should join a mom’s group or something. Find new friends who don’t live and breathe the scent of leather and motorcycles. But where would I start? Even at school I’d found it hard to form friendships with people who didn’t understand our lifestyle. Citizens tended to be nervous around those picked up on motorcycles.

Though if we leave, it won’t be my lifestyle any longer.

I pull away from the comforting arms of my mother and blot my tears once again. Maybe if he sees I’m so worried about leaving, he’ll change his mind and stay. Or at least, put off any decision until after the baby’s born. Perhaps, instead of giving in and letting him have everything his way, there’s a chance I can stop this happening.

“I need to talk to him,” I say decisively. “This has come out of the blue. Maybe I can change his mind. He could step down as VP, but stay in the club.” I start to stand, but Mom pulls me back down.

“Olivia.” Sam comes over and kneels in front of me. My attention is caught by the serious look in her eyes, and the wetness that threatens to fall from them. “Listen to me, will you?” When I raise and dip my head, she continues, her eyes hardening slightly as befits the ex-first old lady, “Remember what this club is about. It’s about respect and loyalty. When Eli accepted that patch, he vowed allegiance to the Satan’s Devils. If he turns his patch in, it will be seen as a sign of disloyalty. The brothers won’t be able to trust him anymore.”

I nod once again. “That’s why I’ve got to make him see sense. See how serious this is. Because once he’s gone, there’s no coming back, is there?”

“No.” Sam sniffs, and Mom hands her the box of tissues now.

“So, I’ll go talk to him. He should be out of church now.”

Again, Sam stops me. “Olivia, it could be too late.”

“What do you mean?” My brow creases. Surely it’s never too late for talking?

“The decision may already be made. Drum… Drum warned me. Eli is going to be asked about his intentions in church.” Her lips press together. “The brothers will think even the thought of leaving shows a lack of respect. He’s got to be called out on it. If he tells them he wants to go, then…” She sobs, and sends a pleading look my mom’s way.

Mom swallows back a sob of her own. “I’m so sorry, Olivia.” Her eyes glisten with tears. “I came to this club twenty-six years ago. I was a fish out of bloody water at the start. Of course, I’ve been shielded from club business. I might not like that part of it, but it’s how the club works. It works because it’s a closely bound family. We might live outside the citizen rules, but that doesn’t mean we don’t abide by our own. Following the club regulations keeps the club knitted together. If Eli wants to walk away, he’ll be shitting over an important part of our lives. He’ll have to take what’s coming.”

What’s coming? I look from one to the other, seeing, understanding their distress for the first time. I’d been so wrapped up in my own, I didn’t realise the pain they, themselves, were feeling. Sam, because Eli is her son, and on Mom’s part, she’s regarded him as her fifth child. A feeling of dread settles inside me, as I recognise I’m seeing another side of Sophie and Sam. The determination of these old ladies who’ve accepted this way of life, and who would condone, while not like, any retribution that’s coming to one who’s threatened it. Whoever that might be.

“What do you mean?” I ask, holding my breath for the answer I don’t want to hear.

Sam struggles, but puts it into words. “There’s no retirement plan for Satan’s Devils. A man who steps down won’t be welcome on the compound.” Her face hardens as if readying herself to accept it.

I protest, “Jacob lives here, he’s not a Devil. Neither’s Zane. It’s home to Mason and Aidan.”

Sam looks at me sadly. “You’re right. The difference is they’ve never made promises that they’ve now decided they won’t keep. They’ve never sat around the table and learned the inner secrets of being a Satan’s Devil. Blade’s son and Rock’s are serving as Marines. When they’ve done their time, they might become prospects. Zane does work for the club.”

“Eli had to have known,” Mom interrupts. “Men don’t walk away from the club unscathed. It’s you I’m worried about. He bloody knew what to expect.”

Sam stares at her, and something passes between them.

“What to expect?” I seem incapable of using many words. My heart feels like it’s going to stop beating.

“You’re club, Olivia, always have been. You know how men settle their disagreements.”

Now the organ pumping blood through my body does cease working as my fist goes to my mouth.

I do indeed know. With their fists. “He’s going to get a beatdown.”

---