Page 9 of Hawk's Cry

Sam’s openly crying now. It’s my mom who puts it into words. “If Eli has told them at church, then there’s no going back on this, Olivia.”

I stare at my mom and mother-in-law in horror, suddenly understanding why they’re here. Not just to discuss Eli’s revelation, but to support me through whatever will be the outcome for my husband.

Men don’t just walk away from the club.

Chapter Four

Drummer…

Like Eli, I’d been born into the club.

The Satan’s Devils MC had originally been formed by Bastard back in the nineteen seventies when he and a group of his friends had returned from the Vietnam War. Society had no place for such men, so they’d made their own. Bastard was president from the start. He met my mom, made her his old lady, and they’d had a baby. Me.

In those days the club was into everything and anything they could make money from. When men patched in, they knew their lives could be cut short any moment from a bullet, or other various options that all ended up six-feet-under. The club had been into drugs, guns and prostitution. It wasn’t the life I would have chosen for myself, but I’d prospected, gotten my patch. Then I’d tried to change it from within, knowing the men I was living alongside deserved more, and I was determined to try to give it to them. Despite garnering support from some quarters, it had been impossible to steer the club in a different direction. Back then, the prez and many others liked the easy money.

In the end, change came but not as a result of my efforts. The police had cooked up charges that led several of us spending a few nights in jail. When we’d gotten out, the clubhouse had been raided, laid waste, and burned to the ground. Bastard, my father, was dead. His old lady, my mother, had taken a bullet to the heart meant for him.

We lost eleven men that day. Three went to jail. They didn’t get to live out their sentences. For the eight others, their time as Satan’s Devils had ended more quickly—they’d lost their lives defending the club.

I could have walked away, but I didn’t. The handful of men who were left, Peg, Tongue, Beef, Digger, Dollar and Viper—and Rock who was just finishing up his year in jail—were lost without being part of an MC. So I kept us going. I found this compound we bought for a song as nobody else wanted it, changed the direction of the club and accepted the role of prez.

For the past forty years, I’ve given my all to this club. Sure, I stepped down as prez last year, but only as age was catching up with me, and it was Wizard’s time to lead the club. I’m still a full member, though, and that I will remain until such a time as I can no longer ride.

Wizard, quite rightly, had wanted his own team of officers around him. While he hadn’t come out and said it, we could see the way the wind was blowing. So, also deciding they’d served their time, Wraith, my reliable VP who I could rely on one hundred percent, Peg, my sergeant-at-arms and Blade, my enforcer, chose to take a back seat along with me. None of us resented giving up the responsibility. It was time for us to relax and enjoy what remained of our lives. Oh, and have a bit of fun while doing so. It had earned us the name of F.O.Gs—Fuckin’ Old Guys who run rings around the prez.

None of us would leave the club voluntarily. We’d signed on for life.

I never expected Eli would be anything different.

Had I forced him to join? Had I directed his life, so he had no other option?

Is it my fault he’s now going to suffer the fate that the club decides?

“I still don’t fuckin’ believe it.” Rock’s shaking his head, and then lowering it into his hands. When he looks up, he’s staring at Throttle. “You’ve always been closest to him. Didn’t you have a fuckin’ clue? Couldn’t you have talked some sense into him before it came to this?”

The enforcer’s face goes red. “Don’t you think I fuckin’ would have if I’d had a clue what was in his head?” He bangs his hand down on the table. “Hawk and I were fuckin’ tight.” He crosses his fingers as if to demonstrate how close. “He’s not been himself; anyone could see that. But the man’s got a lot on his plate. He’s always been serious, now he’s got a kid coming. Just thought it was that.” His anger slips away, and he grimaces. “I saw he had something on his mind, but I’d left it too late. When I dragged it out of him, his decision was made. Took the wind out of my sails when I’d thought he was having doubts about the fuckin’ baby or something. Never dreamed it was this.”

“What about you, Drum? You’re his dad?” Peg asks.

I pull myself back from my memories, and like Throttle, get annoyed at the implied criticism. “Don’t you think I’d have fuckin’ talked him out of it if I’d known?” They must see how much it hurts that my son hadn’t come to me. “I don’t know what the fuck’s going on in his head.” I stare at Wizard. “That’s my son, and I don’t know him anymore.”

Prez looks down the table at me sadly. “You may need to recuse yourself from this discussion, Drummer.”

Perhaps I should. It’s the fate of my first born they’re going to be talking about.

“Drummer’s always put this club first.” Dollar glances at me, then his eyes go to Wizard. “I trust him to vote for the club.”

That pulls me up. That’s what he expects me to do? Put the club first in front of my son?

Problem is, he’s right. I can’t not do that, and maybe that’s what I’ve always done. Maybe it’s why we’ve come to this point. The club has got to contend with a member who carries our innermost secrets in his head, who’s proposing to walk off with them fuck knows where. What would I do if it were someone else instead? Can I divorce my relationship with my son with what’s right for my club? The answer, I’m afraid, is yes.

“I trust Drummer,” Heart also confirms. “He’ll vote the right way.”

“Before we vote, I’d like to know if Drummer wants to say anything in mitigation? Has Hawk got a valid reason to leave?”

I look at Blade, and he stares back at me. I try to think of something, anything, I can use in my son’s defence, but nothing comes to me. I give my answer to him in one word, “No.”

Am I sealing his fate, as I, his father, can’t find anything to give validity to his announcement today?

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