Page 108 of Being Lost

Do I? But I doubt Pennywise will find anything useful. Those holding pens, cells, whatever you want to call them, were soundproofed. The men will probably slip away before it gets light, and the shop’s mechanics will do a day’s work possibly completely unaware who they are working alongside.

“What do we do about Smoker?” Dart sounds grim.

“Get his fuckin’ body back tomorrow night.” That’s when I’ll be able to take my revenge. “Let’s get back to the compound. Pennywise, you copy?”

“Copy, Prez.”

I hate leaving a man behind, even if he can’t know what we’re doing anymore. Hate losing a man at all. I ride in the truck back to the compound wound up and irate, and I’m not the only one. No one’s talking or trying to make conversation. I think we’re all stunned. Smoker had given his life for the club. He’d died a hero, and not one of us is going to forget that.

I walk into the clubroom and see the club girls standing around, hopeful they’ll be able to provide their services now we’ve returned. Grabbing a bottle of whisky and a glass, I shout out, “Get yourselves a drink and get into church.”

Dart takes the bottle from my hand, pours two shot glasses full, then hands me back one. “Need you sober, Prez.”

Yes. Unfortunately, he does. I don’t really know why I picked up the whisky in the first place. But Smoker is dead for fuck’s sake and his blood is on my hands. The buck stops with the prez.

I take my seat at the head of the table. By now, word has gone around. I’m faced with sombre men wearing various expressions of disbelief, confusion and anger on their faces, or in some cases, a combination of all three.

Snips bangs the table in anger. “What fuckin’ happened?” He’s the first to break the silence.

Salem stares down the table. “Smoker saw what had to be done and did it.” He stares Snips down. “Saved our fuckin’ lives and we’re not ever going to forget it.”

Niran joins in. “No one asked Smoker to put himself in danger.” He pauses, shakes his head, then resumes, “He should have gotten away with it. They had no suspicions he was anything other than a homeless man. Should have been easy and they could have just run him off, but they fuckin’ killed him.”

Pennywise speaks up. “We’re working on the assumption they’d brought women in to put in their holding cells. We had no fuckin’ idea they were bringing them in tonight until Salem found they were set up for them. Clearly they didn’t want anyone hanging around.”

It’s time I spoke up. “They killed, murdered, Smoker in cold blood. But they weren’t suspicious and didn’t look for someone else. Look, I should have expected…”

Salem’s fist hits the wood. “Iwas there, Prez. How the fuck could you have expected to find what we found? You haven’t got a crystal ball that I know of. And if you want to blame anyone, blame me. I was the one who fucked up by not being careful when I jumped down. My ankle gave way, andIwas the one who made the noise. If I hadn’t, we’d have gotten away clean. As it was, if Smoker hadn’t appeared, they’d have tracked us down.”

“Why didn’t you take them out?” At Snips angry cry, I wonder whether we should have taken our revenge there and then. Would it have made everyone feel better?

“No, Prez was right,” Grumbler says. “Attacking them wouldn’t have brought back Smoker, and it would have fucked up our plans. They’re already dead men walking, but it’s tomorrow night, well, today now, we’ll have them in our sights. The mission will go ahead thanks to our brother who sacrificed his life.”

“He didn’t know what he was walking into. He couldn’t have expected it.” He hadn’t known they would shoot an unarmed harmless looking man. That’s what hurts most, I think, that he hadn’t expected it. Didn’t know the risk he’d be taking, and that there’d be no more rides on his bike.

“I disagree,” Grumbler states firmly, catching my eye. “Smoker had to know how it could have gone down. Fuck, any of us would. And, I hate to say this, brothers,” he pauses, and makes sure everyone’s listening to him, “Smoker was already a dead man. He’d made the decision to live out his life sentence without trying to prolong it. I’ve known him a long time,” he looks pointedly at Snips, “and I think this is how Smoker would have preferred it. He wouldn’t have gone looking for it, but if asked, he would have chosen a quick bullet to the head instead of weeks of unbearable pain and discomfort.”

“He wasn’t fuckin’ suicidal,” Snips protests.

“No?” Bones puts in. “Then why the fuck didn’t he seek treatment. Nah, I agree with the sergeant-at-arms. If he’d been given the choice, this is how he’d have wanted to go out. As a fuckin’ hero, giving his life to save his brothers. That’s how we’ll always remember him, not as a man who faded away until his death.”

I let that sink in for a moment, realising Bones is right. Smoker should have been able to enjoy those last few months he had left, but he was already deteriorating fast. Given the choice, he might have preferred his end to be quick and, I hope, painless. His memory will always live on. He died for this club. And once this is over, will be buried with the full honours he deserves.

Kink tries to stifle a yawn, his action reminding me it’s well past the middle of the night, and dawn will soon, if not already, be breaking. Hard to tell in this windowless room. I need men at their best later.

“We’ll bring Smoker home when we go in tonight,” I tell them, then change tack. “Dart, tell us what you found.”

Dart nods at Blaze. “He found the entrance to the tunnel. There’s a false floor in the storeroom. Under that is a trapdoor, it’s well hidden.”

Blaze shrugs. “I was stomping my way around that restaurant. That floor had a different sound. Knew there had to be some easy way for them to open it, found a few loose planks and lifted them up.”

Niran raises his hand. “I’ve been thinking about how to play this tomorrow… tonight. How about a couple of us going there to eat? Aim to get there later on so we’ll be there when they close. Then I’ll go to the bathroom and hide myself away. That way, I’ll already be inside.”

“Not you,” Salem objects. “Sorry, man, they’d notice you’re missing. You kinda stick out.”

Niran chuckles good-naturedly, not arguing the point.

“It’s a good idea,” I acknowledge. “Look, it’s been a long ass night. We’ll call it a day now. Go raise a glass for Smoker, then get to bed. Need you all with your heads on straight tonight.”

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