Page 109 of Being Lost

Dart turns his head to stare at me, I raise my chin back. We might not have said the words, but our exchange had included a silent promise that we’d lost Smoker, and the Devils aren’t going to lose anyone else. Not on my damn watch.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Lost

Ididn’t want to tell Patsy that we’d come back leaving one of our members behind, knowing it would upset her and make her worry about me and the other men. But I knew not hearing it from me would be worse. As soon as she went downstairs, she’d be made aware we’d returned one less.

When I go to bed, I try my hardest not to disturb her, but she must have been sleeping lightly as she awakes.

“Go back to sleep.” Bad news can wait.

“I wasn’t really sleeping; I was too worried about you. Did everything go alright? Are you okay, Lost?”

Okay. Seems it can’t wait.I’m not going to start our relationship by lying to her. “Kind of.” I pull my thoughts together. “We achieved what we wanted from tonight.” I can give myself a tick for that. “I’m fine, Salem’s got a twisted ankle, but that’s all the injuries there were. But, babe.” In the darkness, I grimace. It seems she can tell, or maybe it was the tone of my voice speaking just those two words.

“What happened, Lost? Tell me.”

“Can’t tell you the details, but we lost Smoker. Babe, he’s dead.”

“Smoker… what? Oh my God.” She sits bolt upright. “What happened?”

Reaching out my hand, I curl it around the back of her neck, and gently pull her back down, holding her against my chest. “Can’t tell you the details.”

“Was it anything to do with the cancer?”

Her voice vibrating against my chest is comforting. “No, babe,” I admit.

“Oh.”

I have to remember, what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her. This is one of the things she’s going to have to accept about this life.

There’s a minute of silence, then she asks, “Was it quick? Did he suffer?”

“He didn’t even see it coming, babe.” And that’s the truth. The coward shot him in the back of the head.

Her hand strokes my chest, and I feel wetness on my skin. Something eases inside me, knowing Smoker’s got someone shedding tears for him.

“He knew he was dying,” I explain. “He’d accepted that. I think he’d already made his peace with whomever he needed to. I’m crushed that he’s gone the way he did, yet, in some ways it’s a relief to know we’re not going to have to watch him suffering.” Then I add, “Grumbler thinks it was how he would have wanted it. He saved us, babe. His death had a purpose. He died a fuckin’ hero.”

She’s quiet as though letting that sink in. “Is it finished now? Did you get Alder?”

“No.”

Her hands grip me. “Can’t you let it drop? Smoker’s dead…”

“Got to make sure he didn’t die in vain, Patsy. We’ve started this, and we’re going to make sure we finish it. It’s our battle as much as yours now.”

She’s quiet. “When?”

She’ll notice when I don’t come to bed tonight. Hell, she’ll know when she sees the mood in the clubhouse.

“Tonight.”

She takes in a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything, babe. Things are set in motion and there’s nothing you can do to stop them now.”

“Okay. But please, take care. You’ve lost one man already,” her voice breaking as she says it.

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