Page 110 of Being Lost

I know that, and I’ll never forget. “Babe, we found out shit tonight. Shit that will help us get organised. This was already dangerous. The information we got will make sure we’re not unprepared. I’m not stepping back from this.”

“It’s because of me…”

“It’s because of Smoker.” I kiss the top of her head. “The brothers won’t stop now, babe.” She’ll understand but won’t like it. I give her something to focus on instead, something she should take the lead on as she’s my old lady. “Babe, will you do me a favour? Organise a send-off for Smoker? Eva will help, all the other chapters will need to be invited, but I’d like you to take the lead.”

“Conan Holmes,” she says carefully, “I will do that, but only if you promise me I won’t be doing it for anyone else.”

Hopefully there will be more deaths tonight, but none who she’ll need to mourn.

I can’t give her the words, so I kiss her instead. Despite her lips bringing me comfort, it doesn’t stop my mind racing, going over what I’ve got to do next. When our mouths part, she settles with her head on my chest. It’s comforting. My hand automatically caresses her hair. Gradually, her breathing evens while my brain continues to work.

Plan, plan, then plan again. Check every detail and make no assumptions. Not paying enough attention to the auto-shop or considering how they could be set up got Smoker killed tonight.

Patsy stays where she is, her head on my chest.

What will we do if Alder is there?

What will we do if he’s not?

How many men will we be facing?

What about the women, will we be able to rescue them, and will they come with us without a fuss?

What exactly will we be walking into?

How can I keep everyone safe?

At some point, pure exhaustion must take over as, when I’m next aware, it’s morning. The head on my chest is gone, in fact, other than me, the bed is empty. Reaching for my phone, I see it’s late in the morning. Patsy must have let me sleep in. I stretch, then still, as memories of the night before return to me.

Smoker’s gone. He’s dead.

I sit up, all vestiges of sleep wiped away. Tonight, we’ll wreak Satan’s Devils’ revenge on those responsible for his death.

Not forgotten you, Brother. Nor what you did.

I won’t let him down.

I’m surprised I hadn’t had a nightmare last night, Snake appearing to admonish me. Maybe it was Patsy’s comforting presence that kept him away, or maybe, for once, he had nothing to say to me.

Snake’s voice in my head is my own subconscious taunting me and usually delighting in pointing out my mistakes. But I hadn’t made one, it was just circumstances I had no control over. What I need to do now is put plans into place that mean nothing tonight is left to chance.

I get myself ready and dressed, grab something to eat, then motion to the men in the clubroom, not surprised everyone is there, ready to meet.

Now we’re in church, making our plans as watertight as humanly possible.

“You want me on lookout again?” Pennywise offers, but he doesn’t look too happy about it.

I consider him and his offer. As a sniper he’d held his unit’s record for hitting a target at fifteen hundred yards. The sights on his rifle are powerful, making him uniquely qualified to watch out for us from a distance. He’d given us a warning last night that saved our lives, but tonight it’s going to be different. And Pennywise is also a good man to have beside you in hand-to-hand combat.

“We do need a look out, Prez, but how about Curtis?” Niran suggests. “He’s almost through to getting his patch, and he impresses me.”

“That’s because you’re twins,” Reboot jokes.

“Yeah, yeah.” Niran rolls his eyes. “What’s your name again? I get you muddled up as you white folks all look the same.”

There are snorts of laughter directed at Reboot who gives a good-natured grin.

“I like Curtis.” I stare around the table. “But I need him here. Don’t want to leave the compound unguarded.”

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