Page 17 of Being Lost

“Dan, I—”

I slash my hand through the air. “You going to listen to me?” When his eyes come back to mine, I carry on, “You told Demon where you were heading.”

“In confidence—”

“Demon suggested San Diego on purpose. Asked me to keep an eye on you.”

“Those bikes we keep hearing, Dan,” Patsy butts in, “that’s them making sure we’re alright.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Like you can tell anything from riding past every couple of days.”

“You’re right, but we could think about installing motion-triggered cameras.” I wipe my hand down my beard as Dan gives me an in to raise what Dart had suggested in church. “Say, if we see anything that shouldn’t be here, whoever’s watching our security at the time, can get us here fast.”

“Motion-triggered cameras?” Patsy exclaims. “So if I went out in the backyard to do naked gardening, someone would be watching me?”

“Babe,” I shake my head, chuckling. “Your backyard is not exactly private. I doubt you’d be doing that. But you want to? Just contact me and I’d get the cameras turned off.” Or maybe have the feed sent directly to my phone for my personal viewing, and mine only.

I may have many faults, but I’ve never been someone to get easily distracted. But hell, the thought of Patsy bending over with a watering can in her hand or leaning in to smell a flower, as naked as the fucking day she was born, well, fuck, that has my cock, which nowadays takes a lot to excite it, twitching. I’m also finding it hard to get my mind back on what we were talking about.

Swiftly moving my eyes from her to her son, I address him. “We also keep our ears to the ground. As I told your mother, information has reached us that someone, probably Alder, knows you’re in San Diego.”

Dan reaches out his hand and rests it on the back of the couch, leaning heavily on it. “No,” he breathes. “No one can trace us… unless a leak came from your club?” His half-angry, half-scared eyes fix on mine.

“Wasn’t my club, Dan. We don’t share fuck. I fuckin’ assure you of that.”

“Then how?” His hand forms a fist, which he brings down on the cushion making a dull thud. “How the fuck did anyone find out about us?”

“I messed up, Dan.” Patsy stands and crosses over to him, her hand reaching to rest on his. In a voice that’s not quite steady, she informs him of her mistake. “I needed to hear Beth’s voice, find out if she was okay…”

“Mom?Mom?”

Chapter Six

Patsy

Connor’s use of that one word coupled with his expression shows utter and complete devastation. I’m gutted, realising how much of a mistake I’d made. Lost pointing out what a fool I’d been hadn’t gotten through to me in the same way my son’s reaction had.This was Connor’s fresh start.

After the pain of the last few weeks and the fear that he’d been living with for months before that, fear of the man he at last learned his father could be, and worry he’d never escape his clutches, Connor had felt safe once he arrived in San Diego. He could make himself all over again as Dan, no longer tied to mistakes he’d previously made. No one here knew of his past.

While I’d missed my daughter, I didn’t resent that I’d chosen Dan over Beth. The fact that I had, had undeniably formed a new, stronger bond between us. I have to hope my actions hadn’t shattered it.

While he’d been growing up, we hadn’t shared an easy relationship. I certainly wouldn’t win any mom-of-the-year awards, and he was wrong thinking I’d preferred Beth over him, I hadn’t. But what I wasn’t was the perfect mom, and I’d made a lot of mistakes. What I hadn’t seen was that Connor wasn’t as naturally academically clever as his sister. He needed an education, and when he didn’t get the grades she’d managed at his age, I’d put it down to his being lazy and was on his back about his poor achievements all the time. It was only because I wanted the best for him, but it had backfired. My encouragement had been seen as nagging, and the result was I’d chased him away and into the hands of his father.

Some bridges had been mendedwhen, to make amends, I voluntarily went into exile with him, but now I’ve betrayed him all over again, by contacting his sister.

“Your mom did the best she could to be careful,” I hear Lost explain. “She bought a burner and drove a distance away to use it. She didn’t consider that Beth’s phone would probably be monitored and thought that was all she needed to do to cover her tracks. Precisely where you live can’t be known, just that you’re in San Diego.”

“I can’t believe you were so stupid.” Dan rounds on me. “Someone now knows I’m not dead. Do you want to get me killed for real, Mom?”

“Of course I don’t,” I cry out. “I—”

But he’s walked off.

As I move to follow him, Lost takes hold of my arm, a gentle touch, but strong enough that it halts me. “Leave him,” he instructs.

“Leave him?” I turn incredulously. “I’ve got to explain.”

“He’s a man, he’ll work it out,” Lost replies confidently. “That’s what we do, storm off, give ourselves space to calm down, and then think things through more rationally. I like that in him.” He nods after Dan thoughtfully. “Instead of shouting and screaming and saying things both of you would regret, he’s taken himself off to cool down.”

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