Page 30 of Being Lost

Who else has he got working for him? Even if not partaking in what they’re selling themselves, there will be men relying on Alder to supply them with product for sale. Without their brains being fucked, these might be more of a risk if he can get them organised.

If I bring this to the table, I’ll be pitting my club against the strength of an unknown army. One thing’s for certain—if Alder discovers we’re giving sanctuary to Patsy and Dan, he’ll be coming for us head-on. I may not understand the reason, may not know how Alder is in possession of the knowledge Connor Foster is still alive, but I do know if Alder’s going to the extent of dredging the streets of San Diego for information, he knows and wants him found.

What else can I do but offer them the protection of my club? The idea of leaving them to figure it out themselves doesn’t sit right with me.

They could get help from the marshals and relocate once again.

They could. But Alder would still be out there, waiting for just one slip. Patsy deserves to have her life back, and Dan his fresh start. I’m certain that end is the one toward which we should be working.

Or am I? Doubts run through my mind, second-guessing myself, then eventually asking myself the question, am I proposing this for the right reasons? Do I want to keep Patsy close, not because of their relationship to the club, but because my motive is personal?

I’ve not been interested in a woman for a very long time, but Patsy intrigues me. There’s just something about her that calls to me, and I don’t know why. I’ve seen many women around the club, and even in town, when they either see my cut and run, or come onto me, probably because of my president patch. Patsy’s different. Something tells me she sees the man, not the motorcycle and title.

Maybe I should let her go and forget all about her. But what if I do and I can’t? Since I lost my wife, I’ve never found another woman who’s captured my interest, and especially not one with whom I sense a connection I want to explore.

But is there room for a woman in my life?If we explored that connection and found something there, could I commit to her? Experience has shown me women consume a large part of your life, and I’ve got the club to consider. Since I moved to the top seat, I’ve given my all to the Satan’s Devils MC, brought men back together and done my best to make sure our businesses run right so everyone stays happy and fed.

Isn’t it time to take something for yourself?

I’m not sure that voice is mine, or whether it’s Snake offering temptation my way. A woman could make me take my eye off the ball.It would be safer for me, and for her, if she and Dan just disappeared.

But what if she went and Alder tracked them anyway? What if she ended up dead? No. That possibility exists, and that’s unacceptable to me. I acknowledge I have selfish reasons both for wanting to keep her close and for seeing her drive away.

Thoughts, ideas, a way forward decided then more backtracking. I spend far too many hours worrying which way I should jump.

Eventually I circled back to the decision I’d made first, coupled with the acceptance that should Patsy demonstrate a reciprocal interest in me, I wouldn’t push her away. Not all women are like my ex-wife.

So here I am, at Patsy and Dan’s house. I ended up cooking breakfast while waiting for her to awaken, and subsequently to the current conversation.

“It’s up to you, Dan.” I look at him, having to drag my eyes away from his mom who looks delectable having clearly just rolled out of bed. My cock twitches as I wonder whether she’d look even more disheveled had it been my bed she’d rolled out of. I force myself to concentrate on the man I’m addressing, trying to rid the inappropriate thoughts of his mother from my head. This is not me. I can’t remember a woman having such an effect on me in years. I feel more like a horny teenager than a middle-aged battle-scarred MC prez. “You can rely on the authorities, and the marshals will probably get you settled somewhere else.” I shrug again. “You’ll have to downplay the part your mom played in your discovery otherwise they might see her as a risk. You’ll probably be safe enough starting afresh if you keep your head down, and if both of you can resist connecting with your old life, family and friends.” I determinedly don’t look at Patsy as I’ve cruelly inferred she’s a risk. But I can’t sugarcoat it. She fucked up. Though knowing that doesn’t mean I don’t feel sympathetic as hell.

He regards me carefully, clearly deep in thought. I give him the moment he needs before he starts speaking, admiring he’s not just leaping in. I like a man who can think.

“Or get Alder off our backs for good? We’d need help.” Dan’s lips press together when he finally comments. He pushes aside his empty plate and leans his elbows on the table. “I lived with my dad, Phil Foster. I…” he glances at his mom apologetically. “For a spell, I was one of his debt collectors. Not proud of what I’ve done, but I don’t back down from a fight and I’m not afraid of facing things head-on. If there’s a chance we can take out Alder or get him sent down, I’d like to take it.” He glances sideways. “Mom, if we can get him off our backs, life can go back to normal—at least for you.”

“Dan, I’m scared. While I agree, I wouldn’t have a clue where to start, and you could be putting yourself in danger.” Patsy’s in agreement with the solution in principle, but I can understand her unease with how it could be achieved.

“Not expecting you to confront Alder.” I include both of them in my gaze. “You’ve got the Satan’s Devils on your side.”

“No.” Patsy’s voice is firmer. “We’ve only just met, Lost. You owe us nothing. I’m thankful that you and your men helped me yesterday, but going after Alder, we can’t ask you to do that. He’s dangerous.” Her brow furrows deeply.

Dan though, well he looks hopeful for the first time this morning. “How?”

“Not got that answer yet, Dan.” I reply with an honest answer. “But knowing the destination means we can start mapping out how we get there. At the moment, there are questions but no answers, and it’s those we need to be finding.” Patsy doesn’t look convinced. I direct my next comment to her. “I know you’re not asking, but I’m telling you we can help.”

Whether there will ever be anything between us, whether she’ll even consider getting to know a man like myself, I want her to be happy. I know that she won’t be when she’s separated from one of her children. I prefer the option that leaves Alder dead and permanently out of the picture. But in her eyes, while she might have the experience of the Satan’s Devils in Colorado, I’m little more than a stranger who’s walked in off the street and offered something she’s no idea I’ve got the ability to deliver.

She needs time. “This isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly. You both need space to think. What you decide will affect the rest of your lives. In the meantime though, I’m not happy with you staying in this house. I want you both to pack a bag and come to the compound.” I grimace. “It’s not like staying at the Ritz, but we can protect you better there.” At least with Beth being with Ink, Patsy knows something about bikers and clubs.

“I’ve no problem coming to your clubhouse.” She confirms my thoughts, but doubt crosses her face. “I’m worried about getting you involved. I think Dan ought to speak to the marshals as soon as he can.”

“I don’t,” her son says tersely. “Mom, think. You want to be able to at least talk to Beth. To go home—”

“I don’t have a home,” Patsy all but wails. “I knew what I was stepping into, Dan. There’s no going back.” I grimace, thinking she’d thought leaving would be easy. In the end, though, she’d found it unbearable not to have contact with her daughter. If she leaves, she may never know that her family is getting larger, and soon she’ll be a grandmother.

“Ink and Beth bought my house,” she continues. “They’ll have changed it—as they should—to make it a home for themselves. I’ve cut ties, Dan. If it means you’re safe, I’ll do anything. Even if that means…” her voice breaks, “even if it means I never hear Beth’s voice again.”

“Mom.” Dan’s voice is full of emotion.

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