Page 40 of Being Lost

I’d been desperate and I’d broken the rules. Now, it appears, I’m paying the price.

“Patsy?”

A scraping of chairs brings me back to the here and now. I hadn’t realised my head had dropped into my hands, nor that said hands are shaking. As Dan stands, he shoots me a worried look, but Lost raises his chin.

Dart’s already at the door, and he holds it open for Dan to walk out.

We’ve been dismissed.

Likewise, I press down on the arms of the chair in preparation to stand to leave.

“Stay,” Lost instructs, his voice deep and soothing. “Stay, Patsy. Talk to me.”

I don’t realise that I’m crying, tears rolling down my cheeks, until Lost passes me a tissue.

When I go to apologise, he stops me. “It’s okay to cry, babe.”

“I don’t know why I am,” I sniff.

“I do. It’s relief. You can speak to your daughter tomorrow.”

I force myself to be sensible. “It’s only a temporary reprieve, isn’t it Lost? I can talk to Beth now, but there’s nothing I can do but stay out of Alder’s way. If you’re right and he thinks I’ve got evidence against him, or can bring him down in some way, he’ll never stop looking for me.”

“We’ll start by getting into your safe deposit box and seeing if there’s anything inside. If that turns up a blank, we’ll start looking for something else. We’ll leave no stone unturned.”

The more I think about something waiting to be found, the more unlikely it seems. “I can’t think there’ll be anything there. I’ll make the most of being able to speak to Beth now, then we’ll contact the marshals and move on.” I straighten my back, trying to convince myself I can cope with talking to Beth and facing another goodbye. “It’s the only way.”

Chapter Thirteen

Lost

Ican understand how much it hurt Patsy to leave everything she’d known behind her, her home and her daughter. I know only too well the pain that losing everything can cause. If proof were necessary, the look on her face, the hope and longing that had covered it with just the promise of a phone call with her daughter was all I would have needed.

She thinks to keep her son safe; they need to disappear again.

But how easy will that be? The marshals are focused on keeping Dan out of Alder’s way. They might be mildly interested in what Alder wants with her, but if they want their witness alive, would they want to risk him by also protecting her? Dan’s in the clear, he’s dead as far as anyone knows, so no one’s even searching for him now. Patsy, though, is actively being sought. Would that make her a liability for her son? If the feds got wind of Alder’s desperation, might they want to use her to set a trap for the wanted man?

I won’t let that happen. No. Patsy will be kept out of Alder’s hands, and I’ve no greater wish than to make it safe for her to be back with her family. Both daughter and son.

As she silently cries, I give her space, passing her the box of tissues so she can help herself.

Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and think over what Demon had previously told me. The decision had been made hastily, Patsy having no time to balance her needs between those of her children. I know something Patsy doesn’t, news that up to now hasn’t been shared. When Patsy finds out her daughter is expecting… well, I think it will be hard to witness the pain she’ll feel not being able to be there, or to share all the moments that a grandmother should.

What pressure would that put on her newly fledged relationship with her son?

Dan had chosen his father and became a stranger to his mom. Patsy obviously felt a responsibility for the breakdown of their relationship and wanted to take the chance to remedy the mistakes she’s made in the past. But Dan’s a man, he’s bound to fuck up again. Will she grow to resent him?

What happens if Dan finds a woman of his own and settles down? What will happen to Patsy? She’ll be on her own.

She’s so determined to keep everyone out of harm’s way that she’ll risk her own happiness to do it. I can’t see her making that sacrifice again, not when I see how painful being apart from her daughter is.

Watching her blot her eyes once again, she offers me a brave, tenuous smile. I find myself saying, “I want to help you, Patsy.”

“You are helping. You’ve brought us here, and I do admit I feel safer. You’re giving me a chance to speak to Beth. Demon’s doing whatever he can from his end. That’severythingright now.”

It’s nothing at all. Not once she finds out Beth’s pregnant.

Now she’s got a day to wait before she’s likely to hear from Beth. Twenty-four hours or more and each sixty-minute period is bound to drag. It’s been a tortuous time since Patsy first called me yesterday, and it’s not yet been twenty-four hours. The fear of being stalked, then, while Dusty and Curtis kept her safe last night, that I thought she needed them must have made her more scared. Her only moment of pleasure was that brief interlude with Alex, and I’ll need to thank Dart’s woman for providing her with that.

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