Page 42 of Being Lost

“It’s so different here. Hot, dry.”

I know she’s not talking about between here and the compound. “Colorado more beautiful?”

She shrugs. “Different. There’s a stark beauty here too.”

There’s beauty in front of me as well.

I’m a man who makes mistakes, someone overly cautious as life has taught me to be. The idea I’d had less than an hour ago has only strengthened while we’ve been riding.I want her.But I don’t want to fuck this up, so instead of assuming, I state my intention, giving her every opportunity to object.

“I want to kiss you, Patsy.” As her eyes widen, I expand, “I want to wrap my hand in your hair, hold you tight and feel your mouth against mine.” There’s a danger I might never want to let her go, but I keep that part to myself.

“Oh my.” Her eyes go wider. “I, er, I haven’t been properly kissed for two decades.” Her voice is breathy.

“You stayed faithful?”

“Yes, but not intentionally.” She shrugs. “I didn’t feel I owed him anything, and had no good memories to cherish, but, I, er, well, with two young children I didn’t have much chance. I didn’t really seek out any opportunities, and none presented themselves. Oh, I was asked out a couple of times, Beth encouraged me to date, but nothing ever came of it.” As she turns away to look at the view, this time the ocean, she continues, honestly, “I’m middle aged, Lost. I’m not a young girl.”

I’ve come up behind her, not touching, but close enough with her back to my front that she can feel my breath on her neck as I tell her, “You’re still a woman, Patsy.”

She shrugs. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just a mom.”

“It’s time to live for you now.”She’s not told me no.

Gently my hands rest on her shoulders. When she doesn’t pull away, I get a better purchase and turn her around to face me. There’s a bemused expression on her face as I lower my lips to hers.

For a moment, it’s just the faintest of touches. As I’d warned her, one of my hands twists into her windblown hair, the other descends to her waist and I pull her into my body. With a firm grip, I press with my tongue, requesting silently that she open for me.

She sighs and relents. Now it’s tongues touching, sliding together sensuously.

I notice she fits in my arms perfectly. The feel of her, being able to taste her, to breathe in the feminine flowery perfume of her shampoo is as intoxicating as any drug.

I tighten my hold, making my kiss more demanding. She gasps, and presses into me asking for more.

I comply, every part of me tingling, coming alive for the first time in years. A brief encounter with a club girl holds nothing to this. My cock is so hard, it’s painfully throbbing.

I raise my mouth slightly, enough to tell her, “See what you fuckin’ do to me, babe?” My hand against her waist pulls her to me so she can be left in no doubt. “Don’t care what you think about yourself, it’s what I think that matters. I think you’re one of the sexiest women I’ve ever met.”

“I’m old,” she says. “Lost, you’re…”

“I’m fifty, babe. Hardly boy toy material. And you’re what?”

“Fifty-three,” she replies, honestly. “But you could have your choice—”

I grasp her silky locks, holding on tightly, forcing her to look up to see the sincerity in my face. “Yeah, I’ve got a choice. And you’re it.” At the flicker of worry in her eyes, I add, “Appreciate it’s been a long time for you, babe, so we’re going to take this slowly. I’m not a kid just wanting to get his rocks off. When I take you to bed, you’re going to know it means something. I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.”

“Lost, I don’t, I couldn’t do a one-night stand. If… if I go to bed with someone, it would have to mean something, and I’m in no position to start an affair.” I feel the tug against my hand as she tries to turn away, but my grasp is too tight. She’s forced to look into my eyes as she says, “I never thought, never expected… Damn, I’m putting this badly. I didn’t come away with Dan looking for romance, I get that vicariously through the books that I read. So no, I can’t let this go any further. I like you, respect you, perhaps too much. Perhaps for the wrong reasons as you came out of nowhere and saved me. But in a few days, I’ll be gone, and if I give in to you, you’d be just one more person who it would hurt to leave.” She stops to take a breath.

“Don’t want to see you go, babe.” I take my chance to speak. “But I won’t push you into something you don’t want, not until we know how the land lies. I’ve got a feeling that once I’m inside you, I’ll never want to leave. Then waving as you drive off into the sunset, well, you wouldn’t be the only person that would hurt.” It’s my turn to pause, and then continue, “I’ve got to be honest, babe. You’re right to be cautious. Believe me, I’m not a good bet for a happily ever after.” I chuckle softly. “I don’t mean that in a freedom loving biker way. I mean, I’ve been there, done that. I know I’ll fuck up. Won’t be me that wants to walk away.”

I loosen my hold, and she takes the opportunity to turn her back on me. “Neither of us seems to be in a position to make promises, Lost.” She glances back over her shoulder. “That kiss… I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed like that before. Your passion…”

It makes me wonder about the bastard of a man she married. What kind of caress is she used to, and how much has she missed out on?

She’s staring away from me again. “I can’t deny I want you. But I can’t go into something without risking my heart. I can’t separate physical feelings from emotions. I know…” her breath catches, “I know this is only a pleasant interlude in what’s become of my life. The compound is an oasis where I can catch my breath, and you’re giving me my chance to speak to Beth before leaving again, and this time, maybe forever.”

Damn, now she’s put it so starkly it brings everything into sharp focus in my mind. It might be the stupidest decision of my life, but I can’t let her go. “No.” I might be risking my club, my life. Her… But I can’t let her walk away. Sure, for me it would be another loss, something I’d feel deep down inside would have been worth keeping and certainly not the first time it’s happened to me. For her though? “No. We’ll get Alder off your back. It’s him that’s going six feet under, babe. You’re going nowhere.”

Her pleasure in the day has gone, and she shakes her head. “I can’t ask that. He’s too dangerous.”

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