Page 45 of Being Lost

“Lost…?”

“We better get back.”

The man who’d brought me here has disappeared, and a stranger is standing in his place. The man who’d said things to me which caused a visceral reaction, who’d made me feel desired for the first time in my life is gone. Phil had tried, of course, that’s how he got me into his bed. While it hadn’t been earth-shattering, it hadn’t been terrible, so I’d kept going back. But he’d never spoken to me the way Lost had. Somehow, with him, I’d known it wouldn’t be sex with the lights off.

Now he’s changed. It’s clear he doesn’t want me. How can a man switch on and switch off in the blink of an eye? It sounds like he blames me. But I did nothing wrong. He hadn’t been there, hadn’t seen the cruelty that was always there, hidden just below the surface. Phil had managed to keep it under wraps, but I’d seen enough to not want to be in the vicinity once he let the monster out.

Like a wounded animal I try to defend myself. “Phil wasn’t a good man. If I hadn’t had fallen pregnant, I’d never have married him. But I turned a blind eye to all that as marriage was expected, wasn’t it? He was already bad, Lost. I didn’t make him that way. All the signs were there, and then he met Alder… It was him he was laundering money for.”

“Maybe if you’d fuckin’ tried harder, you could have stopped him.”

The air resonates with the sound of my hand slapping his face.

Lost’s face has gone completely blank as my hand covers my mouth.I have just hit the president of a one-percenter motorcycle club.Is he going to retaliate?

Time seems to stretch as I wait to see what Lost will do.

Eventually the statue in front of me comes to life. He turns and walks to his bike, with a terse instruction thrown over his shoulder.

“Get on.”

I do. I look down to see if there is something to hold on to with my hands, but while he must be furious, he still cares about my safety as he reaches back, takes hold of my wrists and pulls my arms firmly around his waist.

Even before the engine roars to life, I can feel his body vibrating.

Any joy in the ride is completely gone. The miles back seem twice as long as they had on the journey here, and there’s only one thought in my head.I’m glad I didn’t let things go further with Lost.He’s obviously not that man I was beginning to fall for.

Why had the man shown me something I wanted to reach out for and grab with both hands, then almost immediately snatched it back?

Chapter Fifteen

Lost

I’ve fucked up.

Should have fucking expected it.

“Whisky. No not a fuckin’ glass, the bottle.” I hold out my hand to Wrangler who looks startled at my tone of voice, me being a man who can usually hold on to his temper.

Taking it, shaking my head at the glass, I stomp across the clubroom and ascend the stairs. When I reach my room, I enter, close the door behind me then turn the key in the lock.

Damn it!

That ride back had been awful, the worst of my life. Neither I nor my passenger wanted to be there, or be forced into such close proximity. On my part, I hadn’t been able to get back fast enough, but some sense I hadn’t completely lost had made me drive carefully, knowing I had a new passenger behind me.

She’d hit me for fuck’s sake.

Raising the bottle to my lips, I take a long swig.

Told you you’d fuck up. You always do. You ruin everything you touch. This is only the start of it. Soon the club will see you for the fraud that you are. You smell that? That’s the skin on your back charring as they burn that tattoo off.

“Get out of my head!” I roar, throwing myself on my bed. I’m still holding the bottle and it spills.

Great. Now I’m covered in whisky. Luckily, there’s still enough left in the bottle. I take another swig.

I could scream at the universe I’m not going to fuck up, but no one would believe me. Because I do, and I always did.

How could everything have gone to shit?

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