Page 47 of Being Lost

Was that a bike I heard? Not mine, the sound was different to that. No matter, I ignored my idle curiosity and walked closer to the edge, my boots now sinking into the dampened sand.

“Nice day for a swim,” a gravelly voice called out from behind me. “You going in?” The voice drew closer.

“I can’t swim,” I replied automatically.

“You live in California and you can’t fuckin’ swim?” Whoever it was, sounded amused.

I shrugged. Kim had made me build her a pool, but as I’d never learned as a kid, hadn’t used it. I’d grown up poor in a trailer.

“That your bike up there?”

It was. I shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Kind of day it might be better to go for a ride than taking a dive into the ocean.”

I breathed in deep, just wishing the disembodied voice would go away. It sounded like he’d moved even nearer and was standing right behind me, the sound of his boots hitting sand had been inaudible. I’d let the air I’d just taken in out as a sigh. “Tank’s empty,” I told him. Much like me.

“Like that, is it?” There was more of a snap in his voice.

“What’s it to you?” I swung around at last to find I was confronted with a man about the same height as me, with a snake tattoo winding around his neck. He was well muscled, better built than me. I’d maybe got a few more years under my belt, not many though. My eyes took in his leather vest. There was a badge sewn onto it with the word Snake and below that, one that denoted he was the VP.

Instead of answering my question, he asked one of me. “So, you’re just going to walk into the ocean? You think that will be easy, man?” He took out a pack of smokes and offered one to me. As I shook my head, a lighter appeared in one of his hands. He cupped the other around the flame so the wind wouldn’t blow it out, then soon the tip of his cigarette glowed red. I just hoped he’d smoke it fast and leave me alone.

“I wonder what it will feel like?” Snake took a drag and puffed out smoke. “Will your lungs burn, do you think? You’ll want to give up, try not to fight for your life, but some instinct for survival will make you gasp for air, but your mouth and nose will fill with saltwater instead. How long will you last? Will you try to hold on to that final amount of air as your limbs thrash, trying to keep you afloat? Will you regret it when it’s too late? Or, will you give in peacefully? I’ve always wondered what drowning was actually like.”

“What do you care?” I snarled, not much liking the picture he was painting. Wasn’t death by drowning supposed to be easy? The only part I wasn’t looking forward to was the bit where the whole of my life flashed in front of my eyes. I could have done without reminders of that.

His shoulders rose and fell. “Nothing to me, man. Me? I’d prefer a bullet to my head. Quick and painless.”

“I knew a man once. Shot himself. He survived. He was a vegetable, but still, he lived.” I had and he did. I shuddered. With my luck and track record, that would be me.

“I wouldn’t miss,” Snake said, sure of himself. “That’s the way I’d like to go, but hey, that’s my preference.”

I just wanted him to leave, but Snake lowered himself to the ground, and pulled up his knees, getting himself comfortable. I glanced down raising an eyebrow.

“Go on, then.” He jerked his head toward the water.

“What?” Surely, he’d try and stop me?

He nodded toward the ocean. “Never seen a man drown himself before.”

He was proposing to sit there and casually watch me die? I gritted my teeth. “Kind of wanted to do this alone.”

Snake shrugged again. “Seems it’s shouldn’t matter to you. I won’t interfere.” He waved his hand toward the ocean. “You go do your thing. Don’t worry about me.”

I had no fucking idea why, but the thought that he was going to be sitting, smoking, observing, as I took my final breath made it impossible for me to turn and walk into the ocean.

Perhaps, if I waited long enough, he’d get bored and leave.

But it seemed he could read minds. “Take your time. I’ve got no place to be.”

Fuck it.

The waves continued to crash onto the beach. Minutes passed with no further word from him or me.

Damn. Why, I didn’t know. I’d reached the end of my tether. There was no way back, but I couldn’t end my life with an audience, which made no damn fucking sense.

With a large exhaled breath I started stomping my way up the beach, idly wondering how far the fumes in my tank were going to take me.

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