Page 51 of Being Lost

“Windows 95,” Token breathes out as the VP disappears. “Heard about it. Never seen it on an actual machine.”

I slap him lightly around the head. “You’re just a baby,” I tease. “What did you use when you started?”

“A Mac of course. Never saw a PC until much later.”

Probably when studying for his degree. Like me, he’s got a background in computer science, though that shit is all behind me now. Programming would probably need a set of skills which I lost long ago. I’ve been impressed with Token’s ability though.

Token vacates his seat and again the door opens. As he walks out, an eager Patsy runs in. She looks around almost as if expecting to see her daughter sitting in the room.

“Patsy’s here. I’m taking my phone off speaker.” I do so and pass it over to her.

As she takes it, her eyes gleam, and her attention is immediately on the voice of her daughter and she has no time for me. I get up to leave and give her some privacy, only hearing before I close the door the start of her conversation.

“Ink? Beth? You’re both there? It’s so good to hear your voices.” Her voice is breathy, excited.

I stand outside my office door, replaying the conversation with Demon. I don’t know how long I go over and over what Ink had found, and what could be the significance. Long enough that I’m still there when I hear an excited shriek from behind me. I take it that the young couple have just shared their news. Patsy knows her daughter is pregnant.

I lean my head back against the wall, thinking back to the past.

It had been me who’d wanted children, Kim hadn’t. It wasn’t until later I’d realised she needed all the attention on herself and hadn’t wanted to share what she had with anyone, not even her own flesh and blood. It was a blessing we hadn’t had any considering the acrimonious end to our marriage. It would have been far worse had we been embroiled in custody battles and co-parenting rights.

Patsy sacrificed her own happiness to make sure her kids had a good life. Is still doing it, distancing herself from Beth to support Dan. She’s so far removed from my ex it’s hard to imagine how different they are, yet there I was, comparing them yesterday. I hit the heel of my hand to my forehead as I realise how stupid I’ve been.

For a second, I imagine how I’d be feeling were I to hear I had a grandchild on the way. Happy wouldn’t begin to describe it. A new generation, a new kid to spoil, but then, that was never in anyone’s plans for my life.

I can only blame myself. I fucked up by marrying the wrong woman, though right up to the end I thought she was my Mrs Right, with the obvious disappointment about the lack of children. Then I fucked up even my apparent sham of a happy marriage along with everything else. It hadn’t been until long after she’d taken the last of what I had, I discovered I’d never had a chance. Kim had been fucking somebody else for most of the time we’d been married. My fault, of course, I’d left her alone too much. Left her alone so I could earn money to give her the good things in life.

Seventeen years ago, I followed Snake up the driveway that led to the clubhouse. One year later I received my patch, and then was allowed to fuck the women in the club. After a year’s abstinence, well, more than that as I’d not wet my dick since my wife had left, I took advantage. Club girls came, club girls went, so many I can’t remember all their faces. They were mainly anonymous asses and tits. Sex on tap became boring after a while, or maybe I was just growing older. I still had urges, still went with the whores from time to time, but I’d come to find relieving any pressure in my dick in the shower was just as good a release as any that the club girls gave me.

Before I’d been so fucking stupid yesterday, I’d meant every word I’d said to Patsy. She’s the only woman who’s really interested me since my wife. Everything tells me the two women are about as different as anyone could be, yet my fucked-up brain expects her to behave the same way. One hint, and I was accusing her of all the wrong things.

What should I do now? Leave her be? Or try to repair the damage I did yesterday?

My whisky hangover is returning with a vengeance. With my office in use for the time being, I take myself off to the solitude of our currently empty meeting room and think, coming up with a strategy. Once Patsy’s finished her conversation, I’ll speak to her and get her to dig deep inside her head for any information she might have lodged there.

Of course, if she won’t give me the time of day, I might have to deploy my backup plan and get Dart to talk to her.

I sit on my chair at the head of the table, put one ankle on the opposite knee, fold my arms over my chest and allow my chin to drop. I couldn’t ask for a better VP than Dart. Now there’s a man who didn’t know his own value until he was asked to step up. He’d come here temporarily to help the club sort through the mess Snake and the traitors who’d sided with him had left. You can’t find not just one snake but nine in the nest without everyone becoming unsettled.

Dart proved his worth, was so successful, we didn’t lose a single member. While I thought they’d made the crazy decision to put me in the top seat, he’d thought they’d made an equally ridiculous choice to set him up as VP. The result was, both Dart and I, with knowledge of our own deficiencies, had been more determined to do right by the club. The difference between us was that Dart was exactly who we all saw him as, reliable, dependable and trustworthy.

It’s a privilege to be voted into one of the top spots. I stare down at the seat at the end, my original chair among the rest of the non-officer members, the place I’d always expected to remain in. My eyes glaze.

The conversation had been muted, Brothers were still coming to terms with Bird’s untimely death. If they were saying anything, they were talking somberly. We were all shocked, it had been hard to take in.

As the VP, Snake had slid into the chair I’m sitting on now, taking Bird’s seat but had not assumed he had the title as he opened the meeting.

“Need a new prez,” he’d said. “Nominees?”

Men had looked at each other, but Snake had always done a good job. Supported Bird and had all our backs as needed. I wasn’t surprised his was the only name put forward, and the vote wasn’t really necessary as everyone said yes.

Was it only with hindsight, that now looking back there were times when Snake had made me uneasy? Times when I wasn’t certain he’d be good for the club? Bird had been like an elder statesman, taking time to think things through. Hard as nails but making sure whatever he did was to the benefit of all the members. He’d had a good head for business, which I could admire. Snake, on the other hand, was more impulsive, and had to be reined in every now and again. I recall I’d wondered who’d do that now Bird was no longer there to restrain him.

What happened next though, well, that was the surprising part which I hadn’t seen coming.

“I nominate Lost as my VP.”

“What?” I’d sat stunned at Snake’s words which had taken a moment to sink in. I waited for the burst of laughter that never came.

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