Page 56 of Being Lost

I shrug again. “Yeah. She depended on me to support her. I was a disappointment, I failed her.”

Those blotches of red on her face deepen, and her finger prods me in the chest. “Listen here, Lost. You were not a failure. Businesses come and go all the time. Technology moves on. No one can predict the way things will head, what will become popular. Sure, your business ran into the ground but that wasn’t something you could help. It could have gone the other way; you could have come up with the next best thing since sliced bread. And, it was a time when big technology companies were wiping out the small guys. That wasn’t your fault. As for your wife? She sounds like a terrible human being. She was the one who failed you. A woman should stay by her man’s side.” She sighs, clarifying what she’s said. “I couldn’t stay with Phil as he was dragging us down into something I couldn’t let the kids and me be a part of. If he’d lost his job through no fault of his own, I’d have supported him, but he didn’t. He lost it as he made the decision to do something illegal, and then carried on as he found it was lucrative.”

“You had to get out, I can see that,” I tell her quickly. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry I ever compared you.”

“Do you still see her?”

“Kim?” I snort. “No. I contacted her shortly after I joined the Devils. Er, let’s say she didn’t approve of my life choices. Oh, and she’d already found someone else. In fact, he’d been waiting in the wings for a while. Well, let’s just say when the penny finally dropped, I realised he hadn’t spent all that time waiting.”

Her hand comes up and touches my cheek. “You know what you’ve just told me? You’ve told me what a good man you are. How people can depend on you as you’d never knowingly let them down. You’ve shown me you’re loyal. Every word that’s come out of your mouth has told me I’m right to trust you.”

“I’ll fuck up…” I look down, then back up. “I fucked up yesterday. That’s what I do, Patsy, I—”

I don’t know whether it’s to shut me up or if there’s some other reason, but she rises on tiptoes and her hand curls around the back of my head. She forces my head down, hell, I go willingly, and now her mouth is on mine.

The kiss is every bit as good as yesterday’s. It also causes the same reaction as my cock starts to swell. The temptation to use the privacy of my office and put my hands on that ass I long to hold is almost overwhelming. But I’m stopped by the memory of what I’m really here for.

I don’t pull away, not immediately. When I do reluctantly separate my lips from hers, I still haven’t had enough of her.

“I should never have compared you. You’re the complete opposite of Kim. I feel I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone like you.” With my head still bowed, I tentatively ask, “Have I fucked up irrevocably, babe? Or will you give me another chance? Will you stay, see if there’s something between us?”

“I still don’t see what you see in me, Lost.” One corner of her mouth rises. “You know Snake gave you the wrong name, don’t you?” At my raised eyebrow, she continues, “You found your place here, didn’t you? You should have been called Found.”

My eyes go wide, her observation making me chuckle. I stroke her hair again, the silkiness under my fingers a texture I’ll never get tired of. “Maybe,” I tell her, “but being Lost is all I know.” I grow serious. “Patsy, if you’re serious about trying to put this trouble with Alder behind you once and for all, I need to ask you some questions. There are matters we should discuss before we talk about you and me, and whether what we have between us has a chance of developing.” I hate to have to do this, but it’s important.

“Serious stuff?”

“Yeah.”

She sits back down again. Her hands are held open, gesturing she’ll be an open book to me. But before I can speak, she asks something of me. “I don’t like calling you Lost. Not now I know it’s not fitting. What’s your real name?”

“My government name? Fuck, it’s been so long since anyone’s called me it. I don’t mind you knowing it babe, but I’m not that man anymore. Who I was, was Conan. Conan Holmes.”

“Conan.” Fuck, the way she breathes it out does something to me. “Well then,” she smiles and then tries it again. “Conan, what do you need from me?”

I hate the name, but it seems not when it falls from her lips. And what do I want?

You. In my bed. Spread open and waiting for me. Or on the desk, I’m not fussy. But instead of telling her those thoughts, I get to the matter I should be concentrating on. “How well did you know Alder?”

“Not well. I knew his wife better. Jenny was Phil’s sister, so we saw her and Alder quite a lot.”

“Did you get along with her?”

Her short laugh holds no mirth. “I didn’t have much of a chance. Alder was possessive. He was the kind of man who didn’t want her to go anywhere without him. She wasn’t even allowed to go out for coffee with me, so I never saw her without him. I think he hit her. I saw traces of a black eye once.” She grimaces. “We went out for a meal with them not long before her death. As girls do, we went to the bathroom together. She confided in me that she was making plans to leave him. I offered my help if there was anything I could do. He was evil, and as I said, I’m certain he was abusive.”

“Did you help her leave?” Could that be what Alder had against her? Has he been holding a grudge all these years?

She looks sad. “I didn’t get a chance. She drowned shortly after.”

I hadn’t been aware of that; just knew she was out of the picture. “Was there anything suspicious about her death?”

She looks down at her hands, then back up. “Of course, you always wonder. But she’d been drinking a lot. Married to a man like Alder would do that to a girl. She was found with a high level of alcohol in her body and dead in their pool. Alder had supposedly been with Phil at the time. I did speak to Phil about it, she was his sister after all, but he said I was being ridiculous, that it was an accident pure and simple.”

Had Alder murdered his wife?“Did Phil get on with his sister?”

“He got on better with Alder,” she scoffs. “He had no time for Jenny. But then, he didn’t for anybody. Remember, he was quite happy that Alder was going to kill Connor. He himself was going to traffic Beth. He was so narcissistic—all he cares about is himself. He doesn’t give a damn about anyone, not even people of his blood.”

“So even if he knew Alder murdered his sister, he wouldn’t have raised a fuss? He gave him an alibi?”

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