Page 90 of Avenging Devil: Part 2

I shiver and wrap my arms around myself. I’ve been living in a bubble since I arrived in Utah, thinking Duke was far behind me, that I had a future I could look forward to.

But I hadn’t, had I?I’d actually given no thought to what I was going to do. I’ve been living each day, here with Niran.

Why hadn’t I started planning a future? Niran will soon have his new prosthetic leg. With all his brothers around, he’s not needed me much anyway. He’d be fine without me. So why hadn’t I been thinking where my path led next?

Why have I stayed with these bikers, instead of heading off to new pastures? I could have contacted my parents or gone back to San Diego on my own.

But I hadn’t.

Was it because deep down I somehow knew this nightmare hadn’t ended? Or was it because I didn’t want to leave Niran? And if so, has that changed now I know the truth?

“Talk to me, Saffie. I’m so damn sorry I kept this from you.”

He sees me as weak, and why shouldn’t he? That’s all I’ve ever been around him.

Suddenly I swing around. “Is this why I’m still here?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

I shrug. “If Duke was dead, I wouldn’t need the Satan’s Devils’ protection anymore. I could go home. I wouldn’t be your responsibility, Niran.” I’ve been stupid. I should have guessed. That’s why he’s kept up the pretence that I’m his old lady, else the club would have thrown me out.

Why should I think otherwise? We sleep in the same bed, but he’s never made a move toward me. We’ve never spoken of a future, or what would happen once he gets his new leg.

“Christ, I fuckin’ hate this chair!” he exclaims, bashing his hands down on the arms, and swiping a hand over his head. “Why haven’t you asked to go home if that’s what you want? You thought the threat was gone, Saffie.”

That’s unfair. “I thought you needed me!”

“I fuckin’ do!” Again his hands move, this time to the wheels, but he just rolls forward and back. It’s plain to see the frustration that he can’t move. “I need you, Saffie. Not as a fuckin’ nurse, but as my old lady. Whether Duke’s in the picture or not, it’s you that I want.”

A fresh blaze of anger goes through me, and I’m not even sure why. Annoyance at myself for being unable to commit to him, or at him for keeping me in the dark?

I go so far as to stomp my foot. “How the fuck can you want me as your old lady? We’ve not even kissed, let alone anything else. You don’t have the hots for me, that’s easy to tell.”

“I don’t?” he cries out. “Then why do I have so much fuckin’ trouble hiding my hard-on for you each morning? Why is it torture to sleep in the same fuckin’ bed? I want you, Saffie. I’ve always wanted you.” He’d sat up straight, now he slumps. “But you’re not ready.”

Just hearing him say that he’s been holding back makes my heart beat fast and my body prepare for flight. My reaction proves he’s right that I’m not ready.

I’m annoyed at myself, angry at Duke who’s turned me into this half-woman. I don’t know what to say, so instead I run, taking sanctuary in the bathroom behind a closed door. I stand with my back against it for a moment.

Niran wants me.

Going to the basin, I stand with my hands pressed down onto the porcelain, and stare into the mirror. I’m the same woman I’ve always been, yet he’s just said he’s attracted to me. If I allowed myself to admit it, I’m attracted to him. I’m just so damn scared. I’m also sick to death of feeling that way, of letting Duke still control me.

What would it be like to have Niran’s hands on me?

Am I brave enough to find out?

Whether Duke’s dead or alive, I no longer want him to have any influence on my life. Why should I expect every man will be like him, every touch painful and cruel? When will I be able to break free? Will I ever be ready or is it something I can force?

Suddenly I come to a decision. Exiting the bathroom, I find Niran with his head again in his hands. I walk over to him.

“Kiss me.”

His head shoots up. “What?” His eyes examine me, as if trying to tell my intention.

“Kiss me,” I repeat.

One corner of his mouth quirks. “Kind of hard to do with you being up there, and me being down here. Think you’ll have to make the first move, babe.”

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