Page 4 of Shattered Mind

After that day, I made a vow with myself that I’d never let my own grief take precedence over theirs. Because whatever I felt? They felt tenfold.

And just like I’ve found myself doing every week for the past four years, I climb the steps to Reubens family home and knock.

It only takes a minute before the door swings open, and his mom is pulling me into a hug. “Grayson, honey.”

“Hey, Mary,” I say, returning her affection.

Besides my own mother and Sapphire, Mary is the only other person I reserve any kind of affection for.

“Come on in. I’ve made lunch,” she says, pulling the door open for me to step inside. I remove my hat before entering and following Mary into the kitchen where Jasper, Ruebens dad, sits at the table, a newspaper open in front of him.

Jasper closes the paper and stands as we enter. “Hey, kid,” he says, still using the nickname he gave me when Iwas nothing more than a spotty, prepubescent teenager camping in his living room.

“Hey, anythin’ exciting in there?” I nod towards the paper he was reading.

“Is there ever?” he chuckles, moving it to the side as his wife sets his lunch in front of him. I watch his expression soften as it always does when Mary’s in the same room and a pang hits me in the chest. I rub the spot, my brows furrowed.

I never realised the impact my absence had on the Delaney family until I finally pulled myself together and gained the courage to show my face here. I stood on their doorstep, a broken twenty-two year old and when Mary opened the door she had broke down in tears and pulled me into a fierce hug. When she sat me down and told me it was like they had lost two sons instead of one, my heart broke a little more for the family that welcomed me into their home as a teenager.

Like I said, I was selfish.

A plate is placed on the table in front of me and I look down. My lips twitch slightly at the chicken sandwich that happens to be my favourite. “Thank you,” I tell Mary, a genuine smile on my face this time and she squeezes my shoulder softly before taking a seat next to her husband.

I’m halfway through my sandwich when Mary speaks, “So, have you met anyone yet?”

I barely contain my eye roll. She asks me this question weekly. “Not in the last week, but I promise when I do, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Mary, leave the boy alone. He’s in his prime,” Jasper winks at me and I force a laugh.

It’s highly unlikely I’ll be giving Mary the news that I’ve met someone any time soon, but I won’t burst her bubble. I don’t know why she’s so concerned about my love life, butif I had to guess, I’d say she just doesn’t want me to be alone forever, and I appreciate her for that. I just don’t have anything to offer another person right now.

“How’s work going, kid? You boys’ keeping up with the work now your daddy’s not around?” Jasper asks with a teasing wink.

“Sure are. Makes no difference to my job whether my dad’s there or not. Hunter’s the one dealing with all the daily stuff dad usually does so he may have a different opinion.” I tell him.

“I’m sure y’all will do just fine. You’ve been trained your whole lives for the day you three would take over.” Mary says, patting my hand affectionately. I nod my head with a tight-lipped smile and the three of us go back to eating in a comfortable silence.

We finish lunch without any more conversations regarding my relationship status and before long, I’m saying my good-byes and heading out the door to my truck.

I make the familiar drive back to the ranch in silence, like I often do after a visit with the Delaney’s, my thoughts running wild with the what ifs. What if Rue hadn’t died? Where would he be in life now? He came first in the competition that night, but he never got the chance to find out or reap the benefits of his win.

In the end, it was all for nothing.

I take the right turn onto the gravel driveway, passing the large oak sign reading ‘The Calloway Ranch’and continuing past the main house, deciding to go straight to the smaller barn nearest to my house where we house the untrained, more skittish horses.

My brothers and I were groomed from children in preparation of running The Calloway Ranch. We finally took the reins a few months ago when our parentsannounced their retirement. They’ve been away on a cruise for the last few months but are expected home in just a few weeks.

Hunter, being the oldest handles majority of the responsibility, along with all the boring parts too, like meeting with investors, handling paperwork and dealing with auctions. I prefer to focus mainly on the rescued and untamed horses in need of training, while Noah… honestly, I’m not sure what the fuck Noah does.

I often keep myself to myself, but I also know I have to make appearances with my brothers’ if I don’t want them showing up at my house for a fucking bonding session.

So, when they invite me for a beer, I’ll say yes. I’ll nod and laugh when I’m supposed to. I’ll answer their questions, and show interest where needed, all while I feel like I’m dying on the inside, as long as it keeps their worry at bay, and them away from my home.

It’s not like I don’t love my brothers’, because I do. It’s just exhausting, always having to pretend to be someone I’m not. I know they see through the façade the majority of the time, but they’ve never mentioned it, and I respect them for that. I think they learned from the last time they tried to insert themselves in my life by staging some kind of fucked-up intervention that ended with me destroying Noah’s living room and hiding in my house for days.

I climb out of my truck and enter the barn, heading straight for the tack room to grab the supplies I need. I like to keep the space as clean and prepared as a barn can be in case we get any emergency arrivals. This barn is used mainly for the untrained horses that I work one-to-one with, but there have been times it’s used as shelter for sick or injured cattle.

I’m halfway through mucking out a stall when my phone vibrates with an incoming text from Noah.

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