Page 79 of Shattered Mind

“Hey, brother,” I say as I take a seat on the wet grass next to Reuben’s grave. The rain has slowed down to a lighter drizzle now, but a shiver wracks my body as I pull a bottle of whiskey from my pocket.

My clothes are soaked through but it’s the last thing on my mind as I speak to my best friend's headstone. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come out here and talk to you,” I suck in a deep breath before continuing, “honestly, it feels a little stupid, but my therapist said it might help, so here I am.”

I open the bottle and take a long drink, relishing the burn as the thick liquid slides down my throat. “I met someone. Her names Liv and I really think you’d like her. She tests my patience every day, man. I actually brought her out here not too long ago and told her all about you.”

A harsh wind blows against my face, and I take another drink, hoping the alcohol will warm the chill in my bones. “The thing is, Rue, there was an accident tonight,” my voice cracks with emotion as my vision begins to blur, “and I don’t know if she’s gonna make it,” I pause, taking a moment to compose myself, “the second I saw her on that stretcher I completely lost it. All I could remember was watching the life fade from you as they done CPR and I just couldn’t watch any longer. I ran away, man.”

Clearing my throat, I drop my head back against the side of his headstone and look up at the dark sky.

The inky blackness reminds me of her midnight hair, and I’m assaulted with images of her. Of the small freckle right above the left side of her top lip. The way she smiles at me over her shoulder right before she says something to annoy me. The sound of the breathy laugh she lets out right after she comes down from a soul bending orgasm.

“I love her,” I tell Rueben quietly. “I didn’t realise it until I was running towards her upside-down car and was confronted with the fear of never seeing her again. Never hearing her laugh again. I don’t even know how it happened.”

My head feels cloudy as I gulp down more whiskey. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and shake my head at myself. “After you died, I did everything in my power to make sure this wouldn’t happen. Never wanted to feel the kind of hurt I felt when I lost you. But fuck, she snuck past my defences.”

A watery laugh slips out. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here, Rue. I’m getting drunk in a graveyard in the rain and talking to a stone. I just wish you were here to tell me what I’m supposed to do next.”

I wait. For something, anything to indicate he can hear me. To give me any kind of sign that my best friend is with me. But of course, nothing happens. The rain falls, and the wind blows, and life moves on around me as I drown my sorrows on the ground. “I miss you, brother,” I croak as I embrace the hollowness forming in my chest.

I have no idea how long I sit there with my head tilted towards the sky. Long enough to finish the bottle of whiskey. And long enough for the black sky to slowly become lighter as the sun rises behind the mountains. The rain stopped a while ago and my clothes have started to dry but I don’t move. Couldn’t even if I wanted to. I’m too far gone to drive.

The birds are chirping when I hear a car roll to a stop outside of the cemetery gates. I don’t look to see who approaches but I feel them sit down beside me. Afterseveral minutes of silence, I open my eyes and look to the left.

Relief fills me when I see the blonde sitting on the other side of Rueben’s grave. She tilts her head at me with a sympathetic smile. “You look like shit, Gray.”

“Thanks. Did they send you?” My voice is hoarse, and I clear the gravel from my throat as I wait for a response.

“No. Hunter was going to come find you, but I thought it would be less likely that you’d blow up at me,” Savannah says, her eyes tired and full of sadness.

“You’re probably right,” I scrub a hand down my face. Shame fills me as I look at Liv’s best friend. “Is she okay?”

She nods, her chin trembling as tears fill her green eyes. “She has a broken arm, concussion and she’s cut up pretty good, but she’s okay, Gray.”

A weight lifts off my chest as a relieved breath whooshes out of me.

She’s okay.

“Why was she on that road in the rain?” I ask the question that’s been plaguing my mind all night.

“She found out that someone made an offer on her parent’s house. She sounded so distraught when she called me and told me she was on her way to the ranch.”

My eyes meet Savannahs in surprise. “You were on the phone when she crashed?”

Looking up at the sky, she exhales a shaky breath, “I don’t think I’ll forget the sound of her scream for as long as I live.”

Fuck.

My heart cracks in my chest as I scoot across the ground and pull her into me. I wrap my arms aroundSavannah as she cries against me, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

I hold her until her tears die down and she sniffles as she pulls away.

“We should go. Your family are worried about you.” Savannah stands, brushing the mud off her leggings before reaching a hand out to me. I reluctantly take it, mainly because I don’t think I’m capable of standing on my own right now and allow her to pull me up. My legs are weak beneath me and my head spins from the amount of alcohol I’ve consumed in the last few hours.

I follow Savannah to her car and let her hold the door open for me as I sink into her passenger seat. She climbs in the drivers side and starts the car. Heat blasts from the vents and I welcome the warmth against my cold face. Laying my head back against the seat, I close my heavy eyes as she drives towards the ranch.

Less than ten minutes later, the road beneath us changes from smooth to gravel and I open my eyes as we turn into the ranch. Savannah watches me out of the corner of her eye as she guides the car towards my house.

“Do you love her?” she asks quietly as she pulls to a stop.

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