Page 87 of Shattered Mind

All eyes in the room land on me as I pause in the doorway.

All accept one.

All accept the ones I yearn to see the most.

Hers.

I knew the exact moment she felt me enter the room. Saw the way her shoulders stiffened. The ever-present knot tightens in my stomach as my eyes land on the cast wrapped around her arm where it rests on the dinner table.

I contemplate turning around and walking back out the front door, but my mom stands, drawing my attention away from the woman who has haunted my dreams for the past week. “Grayson, honey. I didn’t think you’d show up. Take a seat and I’ll make you a plate.”

I give her a grateful smile. “No need, Mom. I can manage,” I say as I make my way around the table and take the only available seat left between Savannah – who is still leaning halfway across the table – and Noah.

I load up a plate and take my seat as the chatter around the table resumes. Savannah finally sits down next to me,and I risk a quick glance at her best friend on the opposite side of the table. I instantly regret it.

Liv keeps her eyes trained on her plate as she pushes the food around it using her good hand. There are faded cuts and bruises marring the usually flawless skin on her face and neck.

I’m hit with an overwhelming amount of guilt and bile rises in my throat as images of her car on its roof assault me.

I stand so abruptly, my chair falls backwards, hitting the ground with a loud crash, but I don’t bother picking it up. I rush out of the room and through the back door just in time as I throw up over the side of my parent’s porch. Sweat beads along my forehead and my body is wracked with violent tremors as I retch until there’s nothing left.

“Mom’s gonna kill you,” Noah’s voice comes from behind me, and I frown at him over my shoulder in confusion.

He nods his head towards the railing I’m leaning over. “You just puked in her rose bush.” I look below me and groan as I take in the destroyed roses.

“You’re right, I’m gonna kill him. But I’ll save that for another day. Go and finish your food,” my mom says sternly to Noah as she comes to join us on the porch.

Noah does what he’s told, entering the house and closing the door behind him. I turn slowly, coming face to face with the woman that raised me. She folds her arms across her chest and assesses me with a shake of her head. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Doing what?” I play dumb, not ready for this conversation.

“Don’t play dumb with me, boy. I raised you.” She says, seeing right through me.

I sigh, moving on shaky legs to the porch steps and taking a seat. My mom takes a seat next to me and I placemy elbows on my knees, running my hands through my hair.

“You’re gonna lose that girl.”

“She was never mine to lose, Mom.” I respond, my voice hoarse.

“If you believe that, then maybe you are dumb after all. I knew that girl was yours the day Hunter brought her home with Savannah and Reign.”

I look at her with a frown. “How’d you figure that one?”

She returns my look with an incredulous one. “It’s the eyes, kid. They never lie. And she has only had eyes for you since day one.” She pats me on the back and stands, leaving me alone with that thought.

Maybe she’s right. Maybe Liv has been mine all along. She certainly felt like mine. At least for a while anyway. And yeah, I may lose what we had, but the alternative could’ve been much worse.

She could have died in that car.

I could’ve lost another person I love.

I barely got over losing Rueben, but Liv… she’s so much more. Liv is a loss I could never survive.

So, I’ll watch her from the sidelines as she moves on with her life. She will find someone who can be everything for her that I’ll never be. Someone who can love her the way she deserves to be loved.

Maybe someday we can be civil.

Maybe even friends.

---