Page 88 of Shattered Mind

But I can’t be more than that with her.

CHAPTER 50

OLIVIA

Iboard my flight to London exactly five days later with a heavy heart and a permanent sick feeling in my stomach.

A delusional part of me thought I’d hear from Grayson at some point and at least get the opportunity to clear the air between us before I left, but much like the last few weeks, he’s been silent.

I haven’t so much as caught a glimpse of him since he all but ran from his parents dining room. I thought that us being in the same room as each other might have been the push he needed to break the silence between us and reach out, but that was wishful thinking on my part.

In my opinion, the man is a fucking coward.

I knew from the start that nothing would ever come of us. I had no expectations going into this. He couldn’t have made it any clearer that love wasn’t something he saw in his future, and that I should never expect that to change. And I didn’t. But somewhere along theway, my heart got involved.

I don’t know if love is the word I’d use to describe the way I feel about Grayson, but I know that I feelsomething.Something more than lust.

I’m unaware when my feelings towards him started to change, but I am aware that my heart started beating a little faster whenever he was in the same room. Butterflies would take flight anytime his name appeared on my phone. I missed him whenever he wasn’t around and found myself watching the door every day at work, hoping I’d get the chance to see him.

My delulu little brain had convinced itself that maybe, just maybe he was starting to feel the same way about me.

So, now I’m nursing a broken heart, only made worse by the fact I’m mere hours away from stepping foot into my childhood home for the first time in a decade.

I take my seat on the plane, check my phone one last time in case I’ve somehow missed a message or call and then switch it to airplane mode before getting comfortable for the ten-hour flight ahead of me.

***

Exactly nine hours and forty-four minutes later, I land in London and the moment I step off the plane, I’m counting down the days until I can get back on it.

I forgot how fucking cold it gets here.

The night air is like ice against my face as I exit the airport and search for Carter’s car. It doesn’t take long for me to spot him. At six foot three and holding an oversized sign in the air with my name plastered across it, he’s hard to miss.

Despite my inner turmoil, my face breaks into a wide smile as I approach him and some of my earlier nerves begin to settle. Carter’s expression mirrors mine as hiseyes find me and he places the sign on the roof of his car before taking large steps towards me. As soon as we’re in touching distance of each other, he wraps his arms around me, crushing me against him.

“God, I’ve missed you, girl,” he says against my hair, and I sink into his hold.

“Missed you, too.”

He pulls back, placing his hands on my shoulders as he holds me at arm’s length. “Let me look at you.”

He makes a point of running his eyes over my entire body and letting out a low whistle. “Damn, girl. America made you sexier.”

An unexpected laugh bursts from me, and I slap his hands away. “Shut up, dick.”

He chuckles, reaching past me to take my suitcase before turning and walking back to his car. I follow behind slowly, the long hours travelling catching up with me.

The heat blasting from the vents is welcoming as I sink into the passenger seat and lean my head back against the headrest. Carter climbs in shortly after and starts the car. “You cold?” he asks, fiddling with the buttons on his dashboard.

“Freezing,” I respond quietly as he enters my parent’s address on the built-in satnav.

Just seeing the words on the screen is like a shot directly to the gut. In less than thirty minutes, I’ll have to face the fear that has consumed me for almost half of my life and now that I’m confronted with it, I’m not so sure I’m ready after all.

“Think we could take the long way home?” I ask Carter as he pulls away from the airport and merges into traffic.

He gives me a sideways glance. “Yeah. You hungry?”

I shrug. “I could eat.”

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