Page 88 of Of Shadow and Moon

The memories surface, unbidden and insistent. Alexander's cold blue eyes, the way he would watch me, not as a mentor or guardian but as an artist with his design. He had always been there, guiding me, training me, molding me into something sharp, something deadly. Yet, often in quiet, flashing seconds, his gaze would rest upon me for too long, and his words too carefully chosen, as if the truth he kept was something I wasn't ready to hear.

And his orders from last night—I didn't follow them. Which means my death is probably imminent, anyway.

I press my fingers to my temples, the thoughts of last night and all the dirty things Nazriel did to me. I shake my head and focus again.

The scars on my body, souvenirs of the times I failed Alexander.

But what if he wasn't trying just to train me? What if he was hiding me?

The realization hits me hard.

I pace the room…again.

How many times had I felt it? That wall inside me, that invisible barrier which kept me from fully tapping into my magic.

A block, perhaps? That has to be what it is. My thoughts are again spiraling.

My thoughts are interrupted by the door opening. Nasarea steps inside, her arms crossed and her expression wary. Her blue eyes flick to my face, and her brow furrows. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Maybe I have,” I mutter, pushing off the desk and meeting her gaze. I hesitate for a moment, then gesture for her to sit on the bed. “I need to talk to you.”

She doesn't argue, sinking onto the edge of the bed, her posture stiff. “What's going on, Selestina?”

I pace the room, trying to organize my scattered thoughts. “I think… I think there's a block on me.”

Nasarea cocks her head to one side; she's clearly perplexed. “A block?”

I halt and face her. “Something's locked inside me, magic, memories, something. I can feel it, but I can't access it. It's like a door I don't have the key for.”

Her eyes narrow as she studies me. “And you think Alexander put it there?”

“I don't know,” I admit, my voice breaking. “But it's possible. He's always been… there. He never did anything without a reason.”

Nasarea regards me for a long moment, her face inscrutable. Then she exhales, easing backward. “Okay, what should we do?”

The words leave my lips before I can question them. “What if you tried to heal me?”

Her eyes widen, and she stares at me as if I have lost my mind. “Heal you? Selestina, that's… no. That is insane.”

“Why not?” I ask, desperation creeping into my voice. “You said you could heal; perhaps you could find whatever is blocking me.”

Nasarea scoffs, shaking her head. “I can heal cuts and bruises, not freaking blocks on someone's magic. Do you hear how ridiculous this sounds?”

I grasp her hands. “Please, Nasarea. I don't know who else to trust with this. If there's even a chance you can help me, I need to try.”

She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You're insane, you know that?”

“I'll take that as a yes,” I say, a small smile tugging at my lips despite the tension.

She rolls her eyes but doesn't argue, muttering under her breath as I lie down on the bed. She sits next to me, her hands hovering over my chest.

“Alright,” she says, tone cautious. “This is probably going to feel… weird. And if something goes wrong, it's your fault.”

“Got it,” I say, bracing myself.

She places her hands on my chest, and within just seconds, I am filled with warmth. Her hands begin to glow, the light soft and golden, filtering through my body as if sunlight would in water. My muscles tense of their own accord, and I will myself to relax.

“Breathe,” she murmurs. “Just… breathe.”

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