“There is something else. Something that I found, alongside your affinity.”
“That doesn’t sound good.” I found myself now searching his face for clues of whatever else he found tucked within my magik. Alouette leant forward on her knees, interest sharp in her eyes.
“You have a block.” His words were heavy despite the fact they made no sense to me.
“What does that mean? A block on what?” I turned in confusion as Alouette let out a huff of air, the shock on her face enough to twist at my stomach. The frustration of not understanding yet another part of this world I was supposed to be part of, pulling at my insides.
Another reminder I was out of my depth.
“A block onyou. It could be on your memories, your powers. Without lifting it, there’s no way to know justwhatit is blocking, but it’s there.”
“Who put it there?” Emotions raged inside me as I slid forward to the edge of my seat, more questions added to my ever-growing list. This one seemed high up in the order of priority.
“I don’t know,” he replied calmly. “I would imagine that it’s blocking the memory of it being placed on you, along with whatever it was used for to begin with.”
“You’re telling me I’ve been walking around with something in my brain that I had no idea about? How would I not have known?”
“Because that’s how it's designed.” His kind face made my frustration grow, each word he spoke a strike on the sanctity of my own mind.
“So, anyone can do this? Invade another person’s mind and make it so that they don’t even know about it?” My thoughts were spinning, attempting to comb through a lifetime of memories, seeking a point in time where something had changed.
“No, not just anyone can do this. The power and skill needed to block someone’s mind, while keeping their sanity intact, is incredibly high. Not to mention illegal.”
Had I changed? Was this not really who I was? Am I now only a part of me because someone took it upon themselves to mess with my mind? Who was I before?
Who am I now?
“I think… that the fact you were in the mortal realm meant that your ability to withstand such a thing would have been weakened. It has been outlawed for generations to stop lower-level members of Royal Lines messing with those set to inherit seats.”
I threw myself into my mind—searching, searching, searching. For what, I had no clue. The rational part of me knew if I’d never noticed it before, that it was unlikely I was going to find it now. The other half wanted to rip apart my own conscience and hunt for this thing that had gone so long unnoticed.
My fingers slid into my hair, gripping the roots as if somehow I could burrow them inside and claw away whatever was in there, magik surging through my skin at my agitation. I slipped further into my mind, retreating from the warmth of the roomand Arden’s concerned gaze, desperate to find some truth to his words.
“Elodie, please.” His hand landed on my knee as he leaned across the table and my eyes whipped up to meet his. “I do not think this block, whatever it was for, was put there to cause you harm.”
“And you can be sure of that, can you?” I snapped.
“Not fully, no,” Arden said, eyebrows creasing in concern as he looked at me falling apart and sat back. “But magikal intention leaves its traces, and as unpleasant as it is to learn that you have been under such a thing, it did not seem to be of malicious intent. Does that make it right? Of course not. It is an unforgivable infringement on your person. That being said, I believe that with or without the block, you would still very much be you.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means, Killer,” Alouette’s voice was sharp yet soft as she spoke. “That whatever they have done, it didn’t mess with who you are.”
I let her words wash over me, drinking them in like they were a lifeline. Soaking in her conviction that I was, and always had been, me. I couldn’t be sure, and neither really could they, but I grabbed onto it and held it close; the alternative something I wasn’t ready for.
“Take it out,” I demanded, knowing I would never be able to live life with the knowledge there was something inside my head.
“I—” Arden began, eyes wide as I sprung to my feet.
“Arden, take it out. Please. Nothing in my life makes sense anymore. What if this block is the answer to everything? Why I didn’t grow up here, who my parents are?”
“You must understand, it’s not an easy process to undertake, Elodie. Especially if it’s been there for some time. It can get… complicated.”
“Can you do it or not?” Maybe it was unfair to ask this of him, but I saw no other option.
Silence stretched, and my hand traced the pendant under the fabric of my dress. I started slightly at the unfamiliar shape before my mind caught up that it was Kaius’ necklace that now rested against my skin.
I was waiting for the words to leave his mouth. For him to tell me he couldn’t do it—couldn’t help me—when a sudden noise from above drew my attention. My head tipped up as the sound of hundreds of wings filled the air from higher than I could see, a steady thud of air bouncing around the room. A single white feather began to descend, drifting slowly towards us, though I was yet to see a single bird.