Page 185 of Hidden Kingdoms

“We can’t be here long,” Kaius warned as we drew closer to my front door, and I nodded, knowing he was right, especially with no wards to protect us.

Our feet were silent as we followed the rounded stones that made up the path, the tangled jumble of flowers we walked past had done just fine without me.

I expected nothing less.

The stalks leant towards us as we walked past them, their petals straining towards Kaius who reached his hand out and stroked them absentmindedly as we passed.

How long had I wished for this, to just be back home? Yet here I was, hesitant to walk through that sickly purple door, back into the place that had been my safe space. Where I thought I had everything figured out.

Until along came two men whose truths had blasted straight through any security I had held onto.

My heart cracked as I noticed the worn patches of dirt that trailed through the garden, the shape of Titan’s huge paw prints etched into them everywhere I looked. I could have sworn they were bigger, but maybe I had just been away for too long.

Titan wasn’t here; he would have made himself known by now, and it wasn’t exactly easy for him to hide.

Reaching for the spare key I kept under a wilted pot of pansies, I let us into the darkened cottage. The smell of home crashed into me—sage and washing powder. The lingering scent of the last incense I had burnt, the woodsy smell of Titan that was ingrained into every blanket.

It was all muted, the absence of their sharpness an indication of just how empty my home now was. The lack of the tell-tale clack of nails on the wooden flooring was deafening in the silence that saturated my home.

My discarded white trainers stood out starkly against the dark floor where I’d kicked them off, my bag close by. Kaius peeked his head into the arch that led to the green-tiled kitchen, and I bent to pick it up, running my fingers across the coloured beads that were stitched onto it.

Polly had added them one evening when her latest hobby had been beadwork. She had sat with me one night as we watched TV together and sewn the tiny glass beads into the pattern of the constellations. It was wonky and almost impossible to make out the stars. When she had run out of navy beads, she’d opted for a garish purple, but it was one of my favourite things I owned.

She hadn’t managed to complete one for herself before she moved onto something else, but this one, for me, was finished.

I slipped my hand inside, fingers closing around the cold shape of my phone and pulled it out. The screen was black, no charge left after all the time I’d been gone and finding a pocket under the oversized clothing Kaius had dressed me in, I dropped it in.

I re-hung the purse on one of the hooks that held a collection of coats and scarves, winding one over my shoulders as I heard Kaius’ tread on the creaking floor as he came to my side. Looking down at the photo he held in his hand, one he must have taken from the fridge, I took it by its dented corner.

It was of Nanna and I in the garden at her house, a young Titan already struggling to fit his body on my lap. Our smiles were wide as he licked my cheek and Nanna scratched under his chin as he did so. My eyes burned with the threat of tears as I looked at us, knowing the person I was there never really existed. Without word, I passed the photo back.

Moving quickly before I let emotions take hold of me, I walked through the open sitting room, grabbing a browncrocheted blanket from the sofa and holding it to me, breathing it in. Not stopping, I headed straight for my bedroom, and the splintered shards of what was left of the door, a broken pile of pieces that would never fit back together.

I hesitated in the soundless hall, fists tightening in the wool as I was overcome by the memories of the last time I had been here; the last time my life had been normal.

That life had been a lie.

Kaius’ hand slid into mine, pulling me out of the haze I was descending into. Taking strength from his place at my side, I stepped into my room, wood crunching beneath our feet.

I half expected to still see the inky dark stain of The Darkness hovering above the bed, but instead, everything was how I had left it, the rumpled bed sheets now cold and empty. No furry form tucked beneath them ready with a wet nose and soft face to greet me. My heart sank, but I had known the moment we got here Titan was nowhere nearby.

The mess I had planned to tidy was waiting, along with the lamp Kaius and Bastian had knocked over, alerting me to their presence. Still in the middle of the room, its cord trailing away.

I couldn’t allow that night to linger in my mind as I dragged a holdall from under the bed, chucking it down with the scarf and blanket before moving to the wardrobe. Willing myself to focus, knowing this could be my only chance to take the things that mattered. Given that I had been longing to come home, I was strangely unprepared in what I wanted to take back with me.

I didn’t think about how Nanna would feel if she came here and found my things missing. Or how Titan would know I had been back. Instead, I dragged clothes off hangers, found jumpers that would keep me warm.

I swept the makeup that was littering the dressing table into a small bag, not bothering to check what was in there before zipping it up and adding it to the things I supposed I needed.Turning slowly on the spot, now deciding on the worth of every item my eyes landed on. I carefully avoided the photos scattered around the room. Mementos of another time, another person.

“Are you going to pack some of these?” Kaius asked from across the room, a hot-pink, lacy thong hooked over his finger, and a wicked smile playing on his lips to match the hungry glint lighting those stormy eyes.

Of course he would head straight to that drawer.

“They’re not exactly a necessity, are they?”

He winked. “Maybe not to you.” I laughed, savouring the lightness he brought to me and willing it to stay.

Each moment here was becoming harder, a need niggling inside me to leave this place behind. Had it really been so important to come back?

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