Page 105 of Off The Ice

Because I was sure I’d never have another night of him all to myself like this ever again.

In the background, the soft hum of a love song was playing, making me feel all the more self-conscious about having asked Liam to dance with me. Was that too bold? Was it weird? Ilet myself focus on the lyrics that were all too relatable at that moment.

It’s you and me, and all of the people.

It was exactly how I felt, dancing there with him in a ballroom filled with hundreds of people, but it may as well have been just the two of us.

Somewhere in the distance, Maggie and Brody were falling in love for real, but I couldn’t bring myself to focus on anything other than Liam’s hands that were trailing down to my waist.

“I’m glad we’re here tonight,” Liam said, and I was hyper-aware of his hand at my waist.

“Even though I keep stepping on your feet?” I said, trying to repress the urge to tell him how I was more than glad we were here tonight. Or to admit how perfectly at ease I was every moment I was with him.

Or worse, that I was scared I was falling for him.

But I knew he wouldn’t want to hear that—maybe he’d even see it as a betrayal after everyone had made it extremely clear how anti-relationship he was, so I locked that secret away and prayed it would never see the light of day.

Besides, I couldn’t fall for him. He was a famous hockey player. A superstar in his own right. I was so far beneath his notice that if I hadn’t known Maggie, he never would’ve looked at me twice.

It hurt, but that was life. Besides, I had him here now. As a friend. I needed to be content with that. I couldn’t go wishing for things I’d never have. I’d spent my life doing that, and all it caused was pain that could be avoided.

If I just accepted people for who they were, I could’ve avoided so much unnecessary pain. If I had realized my mom wouldn’t stop drinking. If I had noticed the signs when it was clear Dave and I had drastically different visions of the future. If I could justaccept the reality I lived in rather than wishing for what itcouldbe.

Acceptance. It was one of the teachings of Al-Anon. Coming to terms with the things you couldn’t change. And Liam Brynn falling for someone like me? I could never make that happen, so I just had to let that fantasy die.

“I’m a big boy.” He huffed a laugh. “I can take you stepping on my toes.”

“But your feet are your money makers,” I joked.

“What?” He arched a brow, laughing.

“I mean, aren’t they? Since your job is skating? Plus all the other stuff. But mostly skating, right?”

His eyes crinkled as he stared at me, the smile never leaving his face. I didn’t think people knew what a beautiful smile he had. It seemed it only ever came out in small, private moments like these.

A true shame for the rest of the world to miss out on the sight of it, but part of me was thrilled that they were reserved just for me.

“What?” I asked, laughing nervously at the way he stared at me.

“Nothing,” he said. “You’re just cute.”

My stomach dropped.

Cute. Like a sister was cute?

He cleared his throat as if he hadn’t meant to say it aloud. Of course he hadn’t. He probably knew how I felt about him. He probably was trying to spare my feelings. He was kind like that.

“Thank you again,” he said, “For lying to coach for me. You have no idea what a big deal that was.”

What had I said? That it was true we were living together? That I didn’t want Liam to be in the auction because I was jealous of another girl having him?

It was a tactic I’d learned throughout my life. Lies sounded more believable when they weren’t lies at all. Just selective truths spun to fit your narrative.

It was how I’d survived my childhood.

“You don’t have to thank me for that.” I shook my head. “Nothing I said was a lie.”

Embarrassed by my own admittance, I tried to spin it, feeling the undeniable need to deflect from my own pathetic feelings.

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