Page 66 of Country Road Romance

CHAPTER 21

After missing Charlie at the theater, Jared decided that he couldn’t stay in Huntington any more. He’d made peace with the fact that things there were never going to be the same, not now that he’d learned what it was like to know love. He would need to take some time to really get his life back on track, and he knew that he’d gotten as much out of Huntington as he was likely to. Even though he hated to admit it, his best bet was to spend some at his parents’ place. They’d welcome him back–they were always telling him that it was a shame that he didn’t live closer so they could spend more time with him–and while he was there he could finally get to work on his book and hopefully actually finish it.

Of course, he also knew that it was going to be a bit rich for him to go back home when he’d left his parents in the lurch when it came to Charlie, but if his dad was willing to forgive him, he knew his mother would be, too. She was just that type of person.

The drive back to his parents’ place was a lot longer and lonelier than it had been just a couple of days earlier. The whole time, Jared kept mentally kicking himself that he’d let a guy like Charlie slip through his fingers.

Well, there’s no use complaining about it any more,he thought.You made your choice. Now you have to live with it.

When he pulled into his parents’ driveway, he didn’t get out right away. He was still embarrassed by how much he knew he’d hurt his mother with his little scene and his leaving without saying goodbye.

But being with Charlie had shown him that there were better and healthier ways of being with his family and that he couldn’t, and shouldn’t, just keep on acting as if his emotions and feelings were the only ones that mattered. Because that was what he’d been doing for a lot longer than he realized. While it was more than a little painful to have to look himself in the mirror and see himself for what he really was, being with Charlie for just a weekend had shown him that it wasn’t all bad.

Finally he felt like he was ready to face his mother again. His feet felt heavy as he walked across the yard, and that feeling only got worse when he saw his dad standing at the door.

“She’s in the living room waiting for you,” he said, opening up the door and giving Jared a hug. “Don’t worry,” he whispered, “it’s fine.”

Jared was incredibly relieved to hear that but, at the same time, he wouldn’t quite be able to believe it was true until he actually talked to her himself.

When he got to the living room he found his mother sitting in her favorite chair, a bundle of knitting in her lap. She looked like the quintessential mom, as her fingers moved deftly with the needles and yarn.

“Well?” she said without looking up, “are you just going to stand there all day or are you actually going to come in and sit down?” She nodded with her head toward the chair opposite her. Jared, knowing that this was his cue, did as she said.

“So, uh, I guess I need to apologize to you,” he started, his tongue already stumbling over the words. “The way I actedwasn’t okay at all, and I know that. I also know that I apologized to dad, but I didn’t to you, and I want to apologize for that, too. It was really immature of me, and you definitely deserve better.”

For a few minutes his mom didn’t say anything, and he thought for sure that she really was mad this time. Then, slowly, she put her knitting down and looked him right in the eye.

“You don’t have to go through all of that song and dance,” she said, voice rough with tears. “Just promise me that you won’t do that again. I was scared that you were going to do something to yourself or get into an accident.” She wagged a motherly finger at him. “I know how you drive when you get mad. That’s what upset me more than anything else. Well, that and throwing away a perfectly good guy like Charlie.” She snorted. “But I guess that didn’t surprise me, either. You never did know what was best for yourself.”

He could have pretended to be outraged, but the truth was that he was actually touched that, as always, she just wanted what was best for him, even after he’d been an asshole.

Even so, he cringed a little at the mention of Charlie. “Yeah, I’m not exactly thrilled about the way that I handled the whole Charlie thing, either, to be honest. I don’t know what was going on in my head, but I guess I just let my own insecurities get in the way of happiness.”

She nodded her head as he was speaking.

“So what are you going to do now?” she asked. He could always count on his mother to get right to the heart of the issue, particularly if she thought she already knew the answer.

“Of course you can stay here for as long as you want,” she said. “In fact, I’m going to have to insist on it. I want you to start working on that book you keep talking about, and I want you to take some time to really get yourself into the headspace that you need to be in.”

“Headspace?” he asked. “Since when are you the type of person to use the phrase ‘headspace?’”

“Since my son began acting like an even bigger silly goose than usual,” she said at once. “You know that I try to keep my nose out of your business, but I just couldn’t keep it to myself. Charlie was good for you, Jared, whether you want to accept that or not. I saw the way he looked at you and, more to the point, I saw the way thatyoulooked athim.I’ve never seen you look at another man like that.”

“Well, to be fair, you’ve only known me as a gay man for the last decade and a half or so,” he said. “So technically you…”

His mother immediately gave him that look that said very eloquently that he was being deliberately obtuse and she wasn’t going to have any of it.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” she said. “He’s a good man, and he’s rich, and he seems to be head over heels for you. So why don’t you give him a call and try to patch things up?”

That was something that Jared had given a bit of thought to, but he knew that he couldn’t take that step. He was trying to look forward and not back and, much as he had grown to love Charlie–he could admit that to himself if not to anyone else–he knew that he couldn’t embrace that part of his past.

“I just can’t, mom. I know that you want us to be together, but that’s just not going to happen, for a whole host of reasons. Trust me when I say that I’ve given this a great deal of thought, and I’m very okay with my decision.”

“Jared, the most important thing to me is that you’re happy. If that means you’re happy without Charlie, then I’m not going to try to tell you otherwise. Ultimately you’re the only one who can decide who and what makes you the happiest. That’s not something that I can tell you, and it’s not something that your father can tell you. It’s not even something that Charlie could tell you. It has to come from inside of you.”

Coming from anyone else those words would feel more than a little cheesy and trite. Somehow, though, his mother had the ability to say those kinds of things and make them sound and feel like they were absolutely sincere.

“Thanks, mom,” he said and meant it.

---