Page 105 of All Your Firsts

My thoughts fly back to the photo of the goddess with green eyes. I wonder how her voice sounds, her laughter, her screams. How soft her skin is, and what her smile would feel like aimed at me. Only me. I shake my head to banish all the devious thoughts of his sister from my mind.

He’s my friend, and I feel like a dick for thinking of his sister that way.

You’re in here, and she’s out there, Vic.

She’s bright sunshine, and you’re pitch-black night.

You are the bitter cold, while she is the radiant heat.

Despite repeating it to myself for years, I’m unable to resist the temptation of stealing a quick glance at the photo Gage placed by his pillow on the wall, both day and night.

Despite repeating it to myself for years, I still continue to write to her. Falling deeper into the sunshine she is. Warm, comforting, and free.

Present Day

“Back the fuck up. What do you mean, motherfucker?” Gage yells through the other end of the line.

“I fucked up, man. I lied to her, and I need to figure out a way to fix it,” I mutter as I peer out my window into the pouring rain.

It feels as if a vice is squeezing my throat, making it hard to speak. Tears burn my eyes, something I haven’t felt since the day I was saved from my birth donor’s condemned apartment as a child.

“Where is she now?”

“I don’t know. She bolted. I need to go find her,” I say as I rush through my house, which feels barren without her.

She belongs here, by my side. I have to get her back.

“Absolutely the fuck not. I’ll figure it out. Just... just stay away from her,” he says, endingwith a sigh.

“I can’t do that. I can’t let her go.”

I won’t recover if I lose her forever.

“You have to. There are more pieces at play than just you.”

“You’ll have to kill me before I let anyone take her from me,” I say, thinking about the arranged marriage he spoke of.

“I should kill you, anyway.”

“I love her,” I say as I rub the moisture from my eyes. This is the first time I’ve admitted it.

I love her so fucking much it hurts.

“Don’t bullshit me.”

“I’m not. Please, Gage,” I beg, something I’m not accustomed to doing.

“She’s not someone you throw out when you get tired of her, Vic.”

“She’s my forever.”

“You stupid motherfucker. If you hurt her, I’ll bury you, no matter how close we are.”

“Noted.”

“You still have shit to answer to.” I nod as if he can see.

I fucked things up with him, too. I have a lot of shit to fix.

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