Page 116 of All Your Firsts

“One had trippy-ass eyes. They were so light that they were almost white. A guy with eyes like that can’t be ugly.”

I inhale an audible breath, and Alexa looks over at me. “What?”

“He’s definitely not ugly, but he’s scary as fuck, if it’s who I’m thinking of.”

“Girl, tell me more.” Jenna’s now on her stomach, palms under her chin and legs crossed at the ankles behind her.

“They’re part of a motorcycle club Vic was in. They’re all best friends.”

“You never mentioned that!” Alexa yells

“It wasn’t important to the story.”

“Bullshit. That makes him sound even hotter. You had a biker daddy.”

“First, never say that shit again. The guys were nice, I guess. At least they were to me, and funny as hell, but they’re bad news,like, in the criminal activity kind of way. Their moral compass was broken when they were born, and they’ve been raising hell ever since.”

“They sound like a delicious pool of warm water I want to drown in for a little while.” Jenna pretends to do butterfly strokes on the bed.

“Bitch, give me the rest of your bottle. You’re done for the night.”

I giggle, watching Alexa wrestle the bottle away from Jenna.

“So, what do you plan on doing with biker daddy?”

I scrunch my nose. “That name grosses me out.”

“You know it doesn’t. You miss him.”

“Possibly,” I say with a shrug.

“Do you want to be with him?”

Yes.

“I’m not sure.”

“I have a certified letter for a Rosie Gallo Moretti.”

“That’s me.” The mail courier hands me a manila envelope, then walks off.

My heart skips a beat as I take in Vic’s writing scrawled across the front.

Since Halloween night two days ago, I haven’t heard a single word from him. For someone so intent on spendingthat night with me, then begging me for another chance, he sure ghosted me fast.

Dear Rosie,

I wanted to apologize for letting you down and for the sadness I’ve caused. My desire to keep you close clouded my vision. Torn between my own selfish desires and doing the honorable thing, the right thing. You see, people have come and gone in my life, but you remained a constant for years—I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you, the memories we created together, and the bond we shared. The lies weighed heavily on me, and I think they always will.

You deserve to know the real me. I think it’s only fair to you.

My name is Rush Victor Whilcott. I’ll be twenty-two on November 18th. Art has been more of a lifeline than a hobby to me. It was how I escaped and coped with my childhood. I spent my early years hungry and yearning for love and attention. As I grew up, I wasn’t sure where I fit in since I had zero family left after my parents died. I was terrified of rejection and losing people once I formed a connection because that’s all I ever knew. Loss.

I made a lot of mistakes but found my family through my friendships with the guys. Once I got out of prison, my last remaining relative died, and I was given money and the deed to the forest and lake. Half of me wanted to burn it to the ground out of sheer spite, but when I saw the clearing with the dock, it gave me the same peace riding and your letters gave me.

For a second, I imagined sitting beside you at the end of the dock. Us watching the sunset together. Hand in hand. You with a breathtaking smile on your face and me with a smile on mine while I looked at you.

I’m glad my foolish thought became a reality. I will cherish it always, as I’ve cherished every letter, every laugh, every hug, and every moment I shouldn’t have taken, but took anyway, with you.

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