Page 34 of All Your Firsts

She is everything to me, but I can’t lose Gage after everything he and I have been through. She could meet me and hate me. Thenleave me just as Mom did. I can’t have that. Gage’s friendship is safer. Friendships are always safer than something romantic.

This will be my last time following her. This will be my last time watching her. And this will be the last time wishing she was mine. I won’t be writing her back. I can’t.

I hear a knock, and Axl comes in wearing a huge grin. “You ready to head to the bar? The guys said there’s fresh meat tonight.”

The guys are idiots.“Yeah, I’m almost set.”

I tilt my head toward the trash bags. “You mind taking these out for me while I get changed?”

“Where’s your little apprentice to help with this bitch work?” he asks, referring to his little brother Samuel.

“I let him out early for good behavior, which is a lot more than I can say for your ass. Hickeys are trashy as fuck, by the way,” I say, pointing at his neck.

“They’re only considered trashy if you can see them.”

I raise my eyebrow at him. “Take out the trash, you trashy motherfucker.” Ax laughs as I shut down my laptop for the night.

“Hey, they’re fading. I’m taking your girl’s advice, anyway.”

“I don’t have a girl.”

“Yeah, okay. It seems like it with the way I see you lookin’ at her when you think no one’s paying attention. I was tempted torub one out with all the tension in the gym between you two this morning.”

Even though I know he’s fucking with me, the thought of him touching himself while thinking about Rosie pisses me off. “What’s with all the chatter tonight? I thought you wanted to head to the bar?”

Axl rolls his eyes as he hefts the trash bag over his shoulder and walks out the door. I busy myself with changing out of my ink-covered jeans into a pair of fresh ones before going out to the front.

Axl comes back in as I’m turning the lights off and getting my things together. “Let’s do this,” he says, rubbing his hands together.

“You going to behave tonight or nah?” I ask as I lock the door and walk to my bike, right next to his.

I rarely get the chance to ride with him anymore, as my parole officer constantly reminds me of my club affiliation ban if I want to stay out of prison. But tonight, I don’t give a fuck.

I’m wound too fucking tight, and I need this moment of freedom provided by the road.

“Fuck no,” he says as he hops on and starts his bike.

Instead of sticking to the main road, we opt to take a long detour through the hills. With only the moon and the faint glow of our bikes’ light guiding the way, it makes me feel free. This has always brought me the most peace and put me at ease.

We reach the bar sooner than I’d like and park our bikes next to the other brothers’ bikes. It’s already packed. Rock music blares, and the smell of beer and smoke permeates the air.

In the bar, my gaze wanders until it rests upon them, clad in black leather kuttes, comfortably seated in the large dimlyilluminated booth on the left side. Their infectious laughter mingles with the melodic clinking of glasses.

I make my way over there first, with Axl at my side.

Trey, Marcus, and Julian are in a discussion about who the fuck knows what when we slide into the booth. The three twentysomethings lead the club. Trey took his pop’s place as the president, Julian as the vice president, and Marcus as the sergeant at arms.

They don’t miss a beat, arguing about dibs on some unfortunate piece of ass. I shake my head.Good fucking luck to her.I might have specific tastes regarding the shit I like, but these three will ruin someone. They all like to share and shit. Definitely not my style, but I’ve kept no one long enough to care.

My thoughts drift as I listen to them bicker. I try to tune them out as per usual until someone comes up to the table and starts grabbing glasses.

That’s when the scent hits me, a floral-fruity smell. The signature scent of my obsession.

I inhale deeply and let the scent wash over me. I can’t get her out of my fucking mind. I need a drink.

The sweetest voice I’ve ever heard graces my ears. Smooth and sweet but with a raspy tone when she’s nervous. But that’s not the voice I get directed toward me. I get the irritated voice.

My head snaps up as soon as Rosie asks the table if they’d like her to get anything else.

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