Page 53 of All Your Firsts

“Are you planning on telling her?”

“I don’t think I can now.”

“Why?”

“Because I fucked up.”

“There’s more?”

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“You fucked her.”

I shake my head. “Not exactly.”

“So you do have a problem, like Rosie said in the pool.”

“What? No.”

“I bet I can score you some blue pills.”

I massage my temples as a headache forms. “Why am I even discussing this with you?”

“Because I’m your best friend and your servant for the rest of my life.”

“You need to quit with that shit. You would have done the same for me,” I say as I walk back to my station as quickly as I can.

It’s unsettling to see that intense, upset expression in Ax’s eyes. The weight of his self-blame has taken its toll on him these past few years, leaving him in a downward spiral. He found solace inpartying to excess, numbing his pain with drugs and isolating himself from those who cared about him. The guys said it’s been better since I’ve been out, but he’s still not the same.

I guess neither of us are.

Fourteen Years Old

“Fucking go, Ax.”

“I can’t leave you.”

“Only one of us needs to get caught. You have your mom and brother to worry about.”

We’ve been arguing for minutes when time is more precious than ever.

“No, I’m not leaving. You go.”

“What about Jess? Her parents just died. If you go away, she’ll be all alone.”

That statement changes his demeanor instantly.

“But...”

“No buts. Get the fuck out of here,” I yell at him just as the sirens get closer. They sound like they’re outside.

The other brothers have been long gone. As new patches, our first run needed to go with no hitches. And I thought it did until we heard the sirens, and Julian confirmed so on his computer screen through traffic cams.

We’re fucked, and someone needs to take the fall.

There’s no time.

I slouch out of the kutte I’ve worked so hard to earn. This kutte holds hope, brotherhood, and family. Everything I’ve always wanted.

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