Page 54 of All Your Firsts

I hand it to Ax as if it’s a priceless heirloom. No way I’m letting these fuckers get their hands on it. He makes his way down the hole, where he’ll run through a tunnel for a mile or two, then get picked up.

“I’m sorry.”

“There is no sorry between brothers. Take care of everyone.”

“Vic.”

“Go, Ax,” I say as I lock the wooden trapdoor off to the far-right corner of the barn before placing hay bales over it to conceal the secret door. They’ll find it. But I want them to find it once Ax is already safe on the other side.

Someone is yelling into a microphone, but I can’t make out the words. It’s like white noise, and I’m having an out-of-body experience. Everything is going in slow motion, and silence cocoons me. I’m above all the chaos as they ram the door in just as I make my way toward the middle of the barn where crates of AR-15s and AK-47s, and bricks of blow sit.

Men in tactical black gear rush in. Red laser beams target my chest. My hands go up as they stalk toward me.

“Where is everyone else?” Someone shakes me and yells in my ear.

I keep my mouth shut and my eyes forward. I’ll never say a fucking word.

“All is clear, sir.”

“Fuck!” someone yells. “Rip this fucking place apart. Find them.”

I smile, knowing Ax will be safe. It was a simple decision. He has people who love him.

I have no one, and I never will.

Thirteen

Vic

My hands grip both sides of the doorjamb until they ache. I haven’t been in her room since the night I thrust my body against hers over and over again.

For not having sex, that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had. It wasn’t boring, as if I was just going through the motions like it usually is. It was raw, real, and the need consumed me. I’ve never kissed anyone until my lips throbbed, until I was so dizzy from my erratic breathing, and I’ve never come in my pants like a preteen.

She has ruined me.

Before this, I brought girl after girl home to build a wall between us. I wanted Rosie to keep her distance and be disgusted with me in hopes of keeping me away from her. A stupid-ass plan for sure. Now, I’m living in a continual hell of wanting someone I can’t have, but the thought of touching someone else feels like cheating.

I look down at my little angel, who’s turning into more of a spicy devil every day. She looks so innocent with her hair splayed out on her pillow like a halo just waiting to be tarnished.

I stroke her cheek with the back of my hand, earning a sigh that gets my dick even harder than it already is. I quickly pull my hand away. I’m not here to watch her like a creep, as she loves to call me.

I rummage through her bag filled with a million makeup products until I feel a piece of paper and flatten out the indents.

Sneak out

Toilet paper someone’s house

Skinny dip

Get drunk in a movie theater

Get high

Get a job

Go to college

Go to a party

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