Page 61 of All Your Firsts

“And your father?”

Rosie huffs. “My father is demanding. Very much to the point and no-nonsense. A total asshole, to be honest.” She shakes her head as if to remove the negative thoughts. “Enough about my family, though. What about your family?”

I hold my breath, knowing that my asking about her life would open the line to talk about my life.

“Not much to tell. Both of my parents died when I was younger. I have no siblings or family left blood-wise. However, I consider the club my family. They’ve been around longer than my actual family was.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. It happened a long time ago.”

“May I ask what happened, if you don’t mind, of course?”

“They were druggies. Their desire to get a fix often overshadowed their role as parents. They got into a car accident on their way to score some drugs and never came back,” I say with little to no emotion.

I’ll never understand how they could have left a child alone. Their dependency on drugs and selfishness cost them their lives. It’s the reason I’ve stayed away from that shit and never got sucked in, but I can’t help but feel grateful. No matter how bad that might sound. Who knows where I’d be or who I’d be if they were still alive?

The puzzle pieces have finally fallen into place. I love my life now, especially with the current company I have.

“That must have been tough, especially for someone so young.”

Compassion bleeds out of her, which makes me wish I never opened up. I don’t want sympathy or the sad expression currently on her face.

“What do you say we get out of here?”

“Do we have to?” Rosie asks, and it makes my stomach dip with joy. She’s enjoying this time together just as much as I am.

As we fly down the road, my mood continues to soar when I feel the moment Rosie breaks free from her mental shackles and embraces the moment.

She’s usually stiff and almost uncomfortable on the bike. Not tonight. I can see the smile plastered on her face from my side mirror. Her hands are up in the air like she’s praising the bike gods for this moment of freedom. I can’t help but smile.

I hope this feels like flying to her, and she can cross this off her list. I can give her this, so she'll think of me every time she sees the list.

She really is special. Something I would be fucking stupid not to hold on to, and that’s what I’m struggling with the most.

I can’t lose Gage, and I can’t lose her. Because if Gage finds out that I’m not only thinking about keeping his sister, but that I’ve also been writing her behind his back for years, I lose him. If she finds out I lied to her, I lose her.

I’m fucked either way. The heart I’ve always considered vacant comes to life and bangs against my chest painfully at the thought of losing anyone I care for.

I pull into a small milkshake shack I often frequent after the lake. They’re known to have the most random-ass milkshake flavors, like matcha and avocado, but I always stick to the classic vanilla. It’s consistently good, and it never disappoints.

“Oh, I love milkshakes,” Rosie says as she walks to the window.

I know she loves them. It’s part of the reason I brought her. The other is because I want answers, and the only way to accomplish that without bringing on suspicion is to tread lightly.

“Me too. I only get the vanilla, but I’ve heard they’re all pretty good.”

“Vanilla?” She looks up at me in horror.

“Hi, I’ll have the umm... s’mores mega milkshake, and Mr. Boring will take the vanilla.”

And here’s my cue. “Can you add potato chips to my boring vanilla, please?”

Rosie scrunches her nose in disgust before her eyes go wide.

Bingo.

As we walk toward the table to wait for our order, I tune into her body language, hoping to decipher her current mood. Her only tell of being in deep thought is the bottom lip she’s currently nibbling.

---