Page 88 of All Your Firsts

I ignore his question.

“I can’t even float anymore.” My voice cracks.

“Let me help you.”

“You can’t,” I say as a tear falls into the water.

He grabs my hand. “Come here. Lie flat.” His forearms support my back and right below my butt.

I should feel a mix of excitement and nervousness at the prospect of him seeing me naked, but all I feel is hollow and numb.

“You’re stiff as fuck. Close your eyes and let the water hold you.” His voice is close to a whisper.

I close my eyes, but the sensation of being pulled into utter darkness intensifies, so I quickly open them again and lock gazes with him.

“I can’t.”

“Try for me one more time.”

Despite my desire to keep them open, I obey his insistence and close my eyes.

His timbre is gentle and low as he speaks. “You’re walking through the forest after a storm. You can feel the soft mud beneath your feet and the cool mist in the air. The scent of damp leaves and brush fills your nose. A variety of olive, khaki, and brown earthy hues color the space. Your steps quicken as you’re drawn to the glowing light at the end of the path. The path leads you to the edge of the forest, where the sunlight reflects on the surface of a massive lake. The water is clear and crisp, with a rainbow reflecting on its surface. You walk farther into the clearing and down the dock. With your head tilted toward the sky,you sit on the dock and take a deep breath. The scent of freedom fills your lungs as you inhale deeply.”

Gracefully gliding across the water, I take a deep breath in as he instructs and feel an overwhelming sense of peace wash over me.

He did in two minutes what I haven’t been able to do all week.

I feel myself falling, not because of the trauma, but because of the man holding me.

“Can you be there with me? On the dock?” I whisper while keeping my eyes closed, not wanting to break the spell.

“You want me to be?”

“Yeah.”

“I see you sitting alone, your hair dancing in the wind, and I can’t resist the urge to join you and savor the moment together. Once I sit, my hand intertwines with yours, and we enjoy the view.”

Vic hums, and I begin to feel calm until his arms leave my body.

“Don’t let me go.”

He pulls me close again. “Never.”

“I’m floating again.”

“You are.”

“Because of you.”

“No, baby, it’s all because of you.”

I tilt myself closer to him, and my breathing increases as a very free, hard bulge pokes me. “Are you naked?”

“Let’s act like I’m not.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“That’s dangerous, princess.”

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