Page 52 of Please Don't Leave Me

I bend over slightly so my forehead rests on the shower wall, and the stream of water is hitting my back. I place the vibrator between my legs and glide it back and forth in my wetness until it's spread all over me. Making small circles around the apex, I start to shudder.

I fantasizeabout a man standing behind me, a warm body pressed against mine, kissing my neck. He's holding the toy for me, so eager to make me come. He puts his other hand on my breast and massages it. He takes the vibrator and presses it against my center, toying with my entrance. I move my hips so I'm grinding against it, and it slips in. I whimper and feel a shiver run through my body. He flips me around so my back is against the shower wall and touches all over my front, running his finger down past my naval all the way to my clit. He slowly rubs in circles, all while he pulls the vibrator out of me just to push it back in. I'm starting to orgasm when I look up and see his face. I see it's Sam, and my legs give out from under me with the amount of pleasure surging from my center.

I catchmyself on the ledge of the tub and am able to right myself once the buzzing stops. My heavy panting makes water spray from my mouth as it runs down my face. I finally admit that it's usually Sam I fantasize about when I'm touching myself. In addition to getting out of my funk, maybe my New Year's resolution will be to stop doing that.

Then again, I've never had a successful New Year's resolution in my life.

Chapter Sixteen

LOUISA

I'm lying in bed studying for my exams when I get the urge to open the dating app. I haven't been on it in a while, and the last time I touched a guy was when I made out with Bear over Christmas.

I open it up and realize it's been so long that I first need to update the app, so I do that. Once it's finished, I open it up and go to my messages. I go to click on messages from Sam because I want to read back through some of them, but I realize that they're gone. I click on the toggle that says “View Unmatched Messages.” It will show you previous messages to and from people, even after they unmatch with you...or delete their account.

Sam deleted his account.

Right at the bottom of our chat, it says, "This user no longer has an active account.” That means he could have just paused his account or he could have completely deleted it. There's no way for me to know.

I have conflicting emotions running through my brain. I can't decide if I'm happy because he may have been tellingthe truth and really did take a break from dating. Or it could mean he met someone else and deleted his account because they're dating now.

Whatever. I can't think about that for too long, so I get out of messages and start swiping.

A few hours later, I start messaging back and forth with a guy named Cameron. He goes by Cam; he's 6'5", has blonde hair, and blue eyes. I can tell he isn't looking for anything serious, but neither am I. We agree to go out for drinks next weekend.

Camand I are sitting at a bar, a couple of drinks deep, and I can tell this is going to end with him in my pants. He's funny and very confident in himself, verging on being cocky. But something about him just tells me it's going to be worth my time. I've gotten better at being able to tell, and when I think back to my first hook-up after Jay, I cringe at all the signs I missed, or chose to ignore.

The bartender comes over and asks if we want another round.

Cam looks at me and shrugs, leaving the decision up to me. I stare back at him, wanting him to decide. The stare-off continues until he decides for us. "We'll take the check, thanks." He turns back to me. "You want to come back to my place? I just live a few blocks down."

I nod. "Sure."

The bartender comes back over with our checks, and Cam picks them both up and hands them back to her with his card. I like it when I don't have to play chicken with a guy over the check. It can get awkward. So I like that he just does it without saying anything.

I stop the bartender before she walks away. "Can I ask you a favor?"

The bartender turns back around to face me. "Of course, what can I do for you?"

"Do you work tomorrow?"

Both Cam and the bartender are now staring at me, confused. They probably think I'm hitting on the bartender right in front of my date. She hesitantly replies, "Yeah, I work the morning shift for brunch. Why?"

"Perfect! Can I see your phone really quick?" I've seen it in her back pocket all night, so I know she has it on her.

She puts our checks in one hand and reaches around her back with the other, pulling out her phone and handing it to me.

"Thank you!"

I reach over and grab Cam's wallet out of his hand and fish through it until I find what I'm looking for. I open the camera on the girl's phone and take a photo of Cam's ID. I hand Cam his wallet and ID back, then reach out and give the bartender back her phone, along with my ID.

"If I don't come back tomorrow morning to retrieve that, you know who to blame my murder on." I point my thumb at Cam.

They both look at me like I'm joking, and when they realize I'm not, they both start laughing.

She grabs both her phone and my ID from me. "That is probably one of the strangest things I've witnessed in a long time. I will absolutely be waiting for you and would gladly help convict a felon if need be." She bats her eyelashes at him. Probably in hopes of still getting a good tip despite just threatening him.

I look at him and giggle.

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