Page 66 of Please Don't Leave Me

“Sure was. She’s my assistant and a damn good one. Do you know her? That was rude of her not to say hello if you do.” He turns, looking to where B just ran off to, but she’s long gone.

“No, I’ve never met her, but I know her sister, Lou. Do you know if she’s here tonight?”

“I don’t think so. B didn’t have me put her on the list. I think she’s studying or something responsible like that.”

My heart sinks, and I sag back into my chair.

“Gotcha. Just curious.” I smile at him to hide the fact that I’m dying on the inside.

I go round and round with myself, debating if I should find B and ask how Lou’s doing. I also debate just texting Lou and asking myself. I can use seeing B at this party as my excuse to check in.

No, Sam, stop that. That’s not fair to her.

I ended things pretty abruptly, and the more I think about it, the more I realize she may have been hurt by it. Because I know I am.

I’m sure she’s moved on by now, and hearing from me would likely just annoy her. Plus, if I talked to her again, I’d feel like I owe her more of an explanation, and I don’t want to tell her about Jacob.

People get really weird when you tell them your sibling died, and even more so when you tell them he did it to himself.

I try to wipe away the thoughts of Lou because there's no use dwelling on it. What's done is done. I screwed up my chances and have no one else to blame but myself.

LOUISA

I open up a snap from B, and it’s of her dancing with Daniel at his Pride party. B begged me to go, but I honestly wasn’t feeling up to it. I used studying for my licensure exam as an excuse since that should be what I’m doing. The date of the exam is quickly approaching, and I have really been slacking on studying.

I thought this year was supposed to be a fresh start for me and that things would start looking up again. Unfortunately, over the past several months, I’ve done quite the opposite. B’s been gone for work a lot, and I’ve been extremely lonely. It’s made studying, or any task for that matter very difficult.

I forced myself to stay home tonight in hopes that I would get through the study material. I’m only about a quarter of the way through and have a long way to go, so I pour myself another cup of coffee in hopes that it’ll help.

Once my exam is over, I can relax. That is until I start studying for the next one. At this point, it seems like I’mnever going to get to the finish line, and I’m already so exhausted. I already feel like a failure.

I send back a picture of me studying. I lock my phone again and shove it to the other side of my desk so I’m not tempted to check it.

Chapter Twenty-One

LOUISA

I walk out of the exam room, and everything is a blur.

What just happened?

The lady at the desk asks for my name and logs it into her computer that I am checking out. I grab my phone out of my designated locker and call B.

She answers after the first ring. "How did it go?"

My eyes start to fill with tears as I walk out to the parking lot. "Not good, B. That was awful."

"Lou, you always feel that way when you take exams. If I had a dollar for every time you thought you failed an exam and you actually didn't, I'd be able to pay off my student loans."

I let out a tiny laugh that sounds more like a whimper. "I know, but this one felt particularly bad."

"Come home, and I'll have a drink ready for you."

"Okay." I hang up and get in my car.

The whole drive home, I'm in my head, thinking about all the things that’ll go wrong if I fail that exam. By the timeI walk through the apartment door, I've gone completely mad.

"There she is! How's my smart, amazing—" She stops in her tracks when she sees my face. "No, no, no, no. No crying in this apartment." She shakes her finger at me and walks the rest of the way over to me. She puts her hands on my cheeks, squishing my face. "Stop it. I will not allow you to stew about this until you get your results." She squishes my cheeks harder, giving me fish lips. I know I look ridiculous right now, and I think that's her intention. "You will have fun tonight. And you will have fun at Evie's cabin this weekend. You hear me? I will not take no for an answer."

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