Page 74 of Please Don't Leave Me

B and I picked up Pepin from our parents’ house and are now on our way home. I'm driving faster than usual because B has a quick turnaround today. She's heading to Paris with Daniel for a week, and she'll be back the daybefore my birthday. She made Daniel reschedule the trip so that she could be on time for it. I told her that was overkill, but she insisted.

Once we get home, she unpacks her lake clothes and repacks with her Paris clothes. I'm driving her to the airport in an hour, and I'm starting to think we might not make it.

"B, hurry up. You know we have to be there earlier for international flights. Do you want my help with anything?"

"No, I'm fine. I'll be ready to go on time."

I sit down on the couch and turn on a show. I mindlessly check my email like I have been for the past two weeks since taking my exam. I scroll through and delete all the junk mail and open a few bills to make sure the payments look correct.

Then I see it—the email with my test results.

"Hey, B, get in here."

"What?" She walks into the living room and leans over the arm of the couch to look at my phone screen. "Holy shit! Did you open it yet?"

"No. I'm too scared." My heart is racing, and my palms are clammy.

"Well open it. We can celebrate while I finish packing."

I look up at her and hand her my phone. "You do it."

She snatches the phone out of my hand with no hesitation. I see her click the link, and I hold my breath. Her face is blank, so I can't read her.

"It says you need a password."

"Right, I forgot about that. Here, let me put it in." I grab the phone back from her briefly to type in my password, then hand it back before pressing submit.

She clicks it, and I think she's waiting for it to load until I see her face turn white.

"B, quit playing games with me. What does it say?"

She looks up, expression blank but slightly grave.

"I knew it. I didn't pass, did I?"

Her head shakes so slightly that you can barely detect it. But I know. I knew deep down that it didn't go well. She doesn't need to say it.

My mind starts racing with a million thoughts, wondering which questions I got wrong. My stomach turns, and I'm about to throw up. My lower jaw quivers, and I can feel my throat closing.

B climbs over the armrest and onto the couch. She throws the phone on the floor, wraps her arms around me, and whispers into my shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Lou."

The confirmation is all the permission I needed to let go. The sobs roll out of me, and I can't believe this is happening. Pepin comes over and nudges my arm with his nose. When I don't respond to it, he simply lays his head on my lap.

B gently rubs my back and tries to soothe me. "Shhhhh, breathe. Breathe. It'll be okay. You can always take it over again; remember, there are no penalties for trying again." The sobs continue, and I'm not sure how much time passes before she lets me go.

"Do you want me to cancel my trip? Daniel can take one of the other assistants; it's really no problem."

"No, please go. I think I just want to be alone for a few days, anyway."

"You sure?"

I sniffle and wipe my nose. "Positive."

"Okay, well then, I'm going to continue packing so we're not late."

I nod and give her a soft smile to try and convince her I'm going to be fine. That look on her face tells me she doesn't buy it for onesecond.

The next 30 minutes are a mad dash to finish getting her packed and all her bags in the car. For how often she travels, you'd think she would be better at packing light, but she's not. During the drive to the airport, she runs through her mental checklist to make sure she didn't forget anything, even though the odds of us turning back now are very slim. As long as she has her passport, the rest she can buy in Paris.

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