Page 76 of Please Don't Leave Me

You failed.

You’re not smart enough.

So much wasted time.

You're in too deep.

Only one way out.

You’re almost 25.

What have you accomplished?

Nothing.

You're in too deep.

Only one way out.

You're a tease.

A slut.

You'll always be alone.

You're in too deep.

Only one way out.

Only one way to make it all stop.

I slowly sink down into the water, the same way I sunk into the couch, moments, minutes, hours ago.

Before my lips reach the surface of the water, I take one deep breath.

Fully submerged, I feel the weight of the water around me.

If I quit now before anyone finds out I've truly failed at everything, then those who are left behind can make up a happy ending for me. They can dream up a fantasy of what could have been.

And that is much better than what they will witness if I don't.

I slowly let out my breath, hearing the air bubbles break as they reach the surface. After the last of my breath has escaped me, I pause. But pausing only leads to doubts, and I don't have time to wrestle with doubts.

Not now. I'm too tired.

I just want to rest.

Although my eyes are closed under the water and all I see is darkness, I feel a different kind of darkness washing over me. And it feels good. It feels safe from those who would harm me. It feels free of the burdens that plague me. It feels so far from time.

My lungs start to ache, and I fight it. My body is so tired, but I can win this last battle with myself. I can fight for me. I can fightfor the end.

That darkness gets thicker and thicker as it takes over me.

I focus on the sound of the water falling and hitting the surface above me.

It's calming…

Suddenly, I'm jerked from my euphoric trance by a bark.

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