Page 109 of Nanny for the Cowboy

Alright, Lucky. Time to face the music.

The house isquiet as I sit at the dining table. I have a cup of coffee clutched between my hands, having decided that it was still too early for me to grab a beer.

But that resolve might be wavering.

I didn’t interrupt Brooks’s day when I got back. I want to think this all through and come up with the right thing to say. I can’t mess this up, after all. I know I’ll only have one chance to say what I want to him.

The stairs creak, the floorboard groaning as Brooks jogs down them. After a moment, I hear his steps getting closer, and he finds me in the dining room.

“Where’d you go?” He asks softly, coming around the other side of the table and taking a seat.

“My dad’s. I wanted to talk to him about everything.” I look up at him, barely smiling.

“How’d it go?” Brooks is still acting so timid around me, and I kind of hate it. But I understand.

“It went well. He’s an amazing dad, and he was really just worried about me. He, umm, well,Leosays he appreciates how hard you worked to protect me.” I look up from my coffee, meeting Brooks’s hazel eyes. “I am, too.”

Brooks visibly relaxes. I can see a massive weight lift from his shoulders, and they sag back down instead of being bunched up tight.

“Oh, hell. That’s good to hear.” His stare flicks down and then back up, the hesitance written all over Brooks’s face. “Did you…want to, umm…”

I almost laugh, but I have to admit that I’m nervous, too. It’s why this is taking so long for me to say.

“I have a lot on my mind if that’s what you’re wondering. There is so much going on, and even with the ‘Kyle’ situation resolved, there’s a lot on my plate.”

“If it helps, I will absolutely go down to speak to Leo myself. I don’t want to just leave it at your visit.”

I sigh, actually quite grateful that he’s volunteered to do that. I thought about asking, so to hear him say it now does, in fact, give me one less thing to worry about.

“Thanks. I appreciate that. I never wanted to jeopardize your friendship with my dad. I hope you know that.”

Brooks nods, offering a sympathetic smile. “And I never wanted to do that to you. He’s your father, after all. I couldn’t be the reason you lost him in your life.”

There’s another stretch of silence, and I can feel that tension we relieved come rushing back in.Dammit. Why does all this have to be so hard?

“I don’t think that’s all you had to say.” I look up as Brooks breaks the quiet. “What’s on your mind, Lucky?”

Brooks is a damn good poker player, according to many a person from the bar, but at this moment, his stoic expression is gone. He’s not hiding the “shit cards” he’s been dealt, the discomfort and preemptive sorrow shining through.

“I’m worried. I’m always worried, it seems. But right now, I just…I don’t know what the state of things is back in New York. There are clients that I’ve spoken to that seem okay, but there are more who I haven’t reached. I don’t know what Kyle said or did. In any case, there’s work waiting for me there, and now that he’s been arrested, the thing that was keeping me from going back is gone.”

My stomach is protesting everything I say, roiling around and churning up bits of acid that reach up my esophagus. But Ineedto say all of this. I need to lay everything out on the line because I’ll regret it if I don’t.

To his credit, Brooks looks sympathetic, not angry or annoyed. Hell, I can hardly see the sadness peeking through the well-placed smile he’s forcing.

But I know him too well for that to work anymore.

“I love my job. I do.” Sucking in a deep breath, I meet Brooks’s stare with everything I have; this is it. “But I’m starting to think my mom had a point when she talked about the virtues of a quiet life. More than that…I like being here. I’m…I’m not sure I want to leave.”

Brooks squints, chewing on his bottom lip as he plans out his words. “I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not glad you like it here. But I won’t force you to stay. I won’t guilt you into staying. I don’t want to create grounds for resentment down the line. So,you know, I get it. Whatever you want, whatever you think is the best decision, Darby and I will understand.”

Hearing Darby’s name is nearly enough for me to break the composure I’ve been holding onto by my fingernails. As it is, I have to collect myself by looking down into my coffee.

“I had a feeling you’d say that. And I’ll be honest,” I look back up at him, “that’s part of the reason it was actually really easy to come to a decision. You see…”

Standing from the table, I walk over to Brooks, kneeling down in front of where he sits in his beautifully carved wooden chair. It suddenly occurs to me that he probably made it.

“…whenever I think about going back to New York, I think about my clients. I think about how I enjoy working with them and how I will miss that. But…”

---